To be sick of miserable people shouting at (my) children?

[Yellowballoon77]

I am a SAHM so I see this a lot more than DH does. Especially since - in order to keep sane - we’re generally out and about every chance we get.

I think this is a lockdown / Covid thing, but I am SICK of people mindlessly telling off my kids for pretty much no reason. I’m all for “the village” mentality, but the “village” feeling quite mean-spirited and I've had enough.

Things that happened this last few weeks:
3-year-old ran from one bit of the paved park to another, across the path of an older couple walking. 3-yr-old didn’t bump into anyone, didn’t make anyone have to swerve or even slow down really, and was probably still about 2m away from them, but the lady (maybe in her 70s) shouted “get your child away from me!” And then, when I responded with a gaping mouth, she said, “Put your child in school! They shouldn’t be out like this!”

Another instance:
Park today, preschooler and school-aged child doing cartwheels on the grass. A dog wanders over, so school-aged child (who absolutely loves dogs) asks the owner if he can stroke the dog. Owner says “No, don’t touch other people’s pets!” (A Covid fear, I know, but the kid asked!) and then dragged his dog away by the collar and muttered “fucking kids” under his breath. I mean... whaaaat?! The dog wasn’t touched! I was . Man wouldn’t look at me at all, I told him to stop being so rude to kids. He heard me, but didn’t look me in the face.

Another example: kids playing loudly (how dare they?!) in our big shared garden. Woman who I don’t know sticks her head out the window and shouts “shut up! Shut up!” And then slams the window. It was about 1pm.

I have about three other examples of the same kind of thing.

And pretty much NONE from about a year ago and beyond so sure it’s a Covid fear and kids are easy targets to yell at.

I’m sick of it. It’s really starting to bother me and make me wonder if it’s like this everywhere now, or just where I live.

Am I alone in noticing it?!

@gerispringer Maybe you should move a more secluded area.

@Yellowballoon77

You’re doing the best you can, in difficult times. Children have had to adjust to a very different way of living, let them be children and if anyone else doesn’t agree with that, tough!
“You can't do right for doing wrong!”

Wow, what a lot of sour faced people live near you! I do think a lot of peoples' social skills are being really quite adversely affected by these restrictions. I don't know what to suggest as you're doing nothing wrong. I'd hate to turn into one of these sour faced fun sponges.

My 10 year old got shouted at by a dog walker on a cycle path today for not ringing her bell as she was approaching. I pointed out she was walking towards us so why was a bell required? She just yelled at us and went on her furious way. I didn’t see the woman shout at any of the young men cycling past. In fact most of the dog walkers, 4 abreast with dogs off lead lead, were furious with us for existing today despite keeping to the left in single file and thanking them for moving aside as we passed (still leaving them plenty of room to carry on walking). Everyone seems angry at the moment.

[quote Chestnutsandsprouts]@Daphnise what do you mean by "loose"? Are children not allowed to walk or run freely anymore? (While keeping a reasonable distance from people like 2m)

Another example - my preschooler was waiting patiently off the path for a couple of ladies to pass (we're always the ones that wait out of the way, by the way) and instead of smiling and saying thank you to her they looked at me and said "good, you kept your germ factory out of the way". DD didn't really know what it meant but was perplexed and said she wasn't a "germ factory" but a little girl

I just think it's so unkind[/quote]
This is awful. I love polite children and you sound a very considerate parent. Those women were vile to say that.

The people who talk to children like that will very rarely ‘pick on someone their own size’. It’s crap, OP.

Elderly couple: Wankers.

Dog Walker: Wanker.

Neighbour: Wanker.

I was out running the other week, on a pavement going up a hill. Elderly couple on the pavement on the other side of the road coming down the hill. They decided to cross to my side of the road just as I was drawing level with them and then shouted at me for not getting off the pavement to social distance.

Wankers. They're currently everywhere and are fuelled by Coronavirus. I'm convinced that being a wanker should be listed as a symptom.

Hmm, everyone has different levels of COVID fears. I am socialising my dog and 2 kids came up to me today and wanted to Pat him, I let them, having a puppy around and people seem to be friendlier!

Sorry people are being horrid to your kids. I do appreciate many are on edge but I feel there’s a better way strangers can have a bit of patience with them!

@SquishySquirmy

Gosh some people are miserable bastards.

If you absolutely cannot bear kids running across your path (not even towards you, and more than 2 metres away from you) then dont walk past a playground! I mean it's a free country, go where you like, but you can't get arsey about small people acting like energetic small people in a public space that was literally designed for them to play in.

Dog man sounds like a nasty piece of work, and it is good that your son knows to ask before stroking dogs. Dog man has some cheek I think, letting his dog run up to unknown children (he didn't ask if your son was OK with it first did he??) And then swearing at a child who displays far more manners and courtesy than he did in the first place!

Maybe the kids were being too noisy on the garden, but I dont think that yelling "shut up" out of the window is an appropriate first response. Call out nicely first at least. Then maybe if the noise continues, yelling would be more justified.

But I knew that you'd be voted as unreasonable on here. Some people are really untolerant of kids. Adults swearing and screaming - fine! They're stressed! Kids acting like anything other than perfect robots- nope!

All of this!! So the ops children were in the same area as the older couple, but it's the child that has to fully be deferential and ensure that they stay 2m away, no responsibility from the older couple? Op they all sound like miserable twats, you get a 🎖️ for not losing it at any of this!

@PodgeBod

I haven't had any experiences myself but I've noticed a lot more mutterings about kids being filthy germ spreaders and dirty and general negativity about little ones. I wouldn't be surprised if that message is making some people feel negatively about children.

Yes exactly. Poor children are quite often regarded as dirty Covid-spreaders especially as they are often asymptomatic. But running vaguely near someone in a park won't spread the virus. Children in other Western European countries are often regarded as more important and valued than they are in the UK, such as The Netherlands. As a previous poster said, children have a human right in law to play and make noise in the process. To prevent that would harm their development and education. Yes children can be loud but there are many worse sounds than children happily playing in a garden. No excuse for neighbour to shout at them.

I don’t think that we as a nation are great with kids; They seem to be hated in restaurants. I used to be really tense with my kids in public. I’d pre-empt situations so it felt like I was constantly managing their behaviour for the sake of other people. I’m a lot calmer now and can suss out when my kids have actually done something wrong or whether the other person is just being an old misery.
I agree that people seem angrier than ever right now though (me included).

@Yellowballoon77

I definitely agree that it’s annoying when people do that smiling indulgently thing like their kid is a total angel. I don’t do that. In fact, in the example 1, I was in the middle of saying “be careful, watch out you got close to those people” when the woman cut me off.

Perhaps kids were being annoyingly loud in the garden, even though their noise levels weren’t the ones that usually grate on me (!). But it’s difficult to live on top of each other - especially now when there’s no escape. I’ll concede to that. Difficult to keep them in, though; we’re all going a bit mad!

Anyway - even though you don’t all think I’m being reasonable (absolutely fair enough) I do feel better for a rant!

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all People are gits about children in the uk

People are scared and in fairness if a child comes hurtling toward you, you might worry they were going to run toward you. Peoples anxieties are heightened, I have two girls are even I’m struggling with some of the noise they make. I’m more on edge, and lots of background noise is making me so irritable and I feel bad. Now is crap and I think you’re overthinking things and taking them to heart.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Children are not exempt from social distancing so you shouldn’t be letting them go near others.

Noise in the garden depends on levels, I’d imagine it was pretty loud if neighbours were complaining.

Actually depends on where you are in Scotland children under 12 don't have to socially distance either from other children or adults they know. Obviously my toddler isn't going to hug a random but it's a lot easier.

OP I think it's just a case of people being stressed out rather than your kids add in people working from home and it's a bit of a time bomb.
The dog walker was definitely out of line to swear. I don't let people pet my dog anymore but because I can't be close enough to her at the same time without being less than 2 metres away to make sure she is calm enough so it's easier to say no.

Wow you and your kids sound lovely. I would have given all of them a firm fuck off and fuck off some more. Some of these child haters on mumsnet are clearly on the wrong forum too.

It’s tricky with little ones. I remember posting on social media asking what I could do about a constantly screaming child-literally constant so I couldn’t use the garden. Eventually I went round and asked the parents if they could please consider how much she was impacting us (3 sets of neighbours). Honestly, I was being sneaky and wanted to know everything was ok, I did debate contacting SS at one point as it was so prolonged. The best advice I was given is that dc grow up.

Re the dog, mine is now amazing, but used to be unpredictable with small children so I’d drag him away too and tough shit if a parent thought I was rude. I’d rather keep the child safe. The couple walking were grumpy twats and should be discounted. Shouting about a 3 year old, dear me!

People are scared and in fairness if a child comes hurtling toward you, you might worry they were going to run toward you,
Why is it the child who is hurtling towards?
Maybe the older couple are powerwalking into the child?

I hate the phrase "noise pollution", but this is a major problem nowadays for a lot of people who live stressful lives and look for tranquility and peace in their own homes. I am very careful when house hunting and I thank the lord that I have never lived anywhere where people of any age make noise in their gardens. Where I am now I can sit outside at any time of any day and hear nothing but birdsong and the odd lawn mower. There are kids of varying ages in neighbouring houses, but none of them are ever allowed to make noise in the garden that might disturb other people. (In the same way, we all stop our dogs barking and disturbing people.) Nor was I allowed to be noisy outside when I was a kid - my parents were always very aware that most people don't want to have to listen to other people's kids yelling. It really is like fingernails on a blackboard for many, many people.

The dog owner shouldn't have said "fucking kids" and your DC was right to ask.

The other two sound like you could quite easily have the same situation told very differently (for example I can easily think of times when a child has darted out in front of me running and I can definitely think of some situations where children playing noise goes from totally reasonable to unbearable).

It's easy to say that pre-covid nobody had ever said anything, but then equally pre-covid you might have done things differently or due to covid you might be slacker on how far they can run off or the noise they make at home.

There are some miserable gits out there for sure, but it's also worth genuinely considering if the same thing is happening regularly whether you need to try a new approach.

It isn’t just Covid. It’s likely that you’ll get more of this over the next few years.
Our kids are grown up now, but we’ve lived in quite a few places and the UK is, sadly, still a very intolerant country where children are concerned.
When we first moved overseas our Dds were 4,3 and 1 and it took me ages to stop apologising for taking up space on the footpaths, in shopping centres etc, much to bemused looks of other people. I remember the incident which made me stop being so British about having kids very well. My DDs were having a shower at the beach and a man was waiting behind us. I apologised to him because he was having to wait. He just looked at me a little confused and said, ‘It’s fine, they were here before me’ and starting engaging the girls in a chat. It was so different from the tutting and watch glancing we’d experienced before we’d moved.
I took DDs back to the UK on my own the following year. It was a full days flight to get there and getting off the planeI asked the flight attendant where my buggy would be waiting. The man behind me starting tutting loudly and ‘bloody kids’ ing because he’d been held up by a whole 10 seconds while she told me to wait just outside the aircraft. I have to say though, this was after three separate people had said how well behaved and what a credit the girls had been on the entire journey, so it isn’t everyone who’s miserable!
Another time was after we moved back to the UK for a while and I was with the girls in Asda. They were 9, 7 and 5 by this time and they were choosing some clothes. A woman came up and started tutting and sighing because she wanted to look at the same clothes. In the end I just turned to her and said, ‘my children are neither deaf nor stupid, if you say excuse me, they will move out of your way.’
It’s very sad and not something I’ve experienced anywhere else, but you’re going to have to develop a thick skin and a few stock replies!

Old people are particularly stressed at the moment (understandably) so we'll give her a pass. The aggressive dog guy and person shouting from the window are twats. I can't understand how anyone could shout at young kids like that. Sadly I've witnessed that quite a bit. I've lived in a few countries and the UK is one of the least tolerant of kids unfortunately.

@Yellowballoon77
.... let them be children and if anyone else doesn’t agree with that, tough!

Great - presumably dog owners can do the same then? We can just let them be dogs and poo all over the place, and if anyone else doesn't agree with that, tough! We'll remember that next time someone posts that dog owners should be considerate to non-dog owners all the time.

@TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag

What a load of miserable bastards. I’d move.

This. YANBU OP

[quote TibetanTerrier]@Yellowballoon77
.... let them be children and if anyone else doesn’t agree with that, tough!

Great - presumably dog owners can do the same then? We can just let them be dogs and poo all over the place, and if anyone else doesn't agree with that, tough! We'll remember that next time someone posts that dog owners should be considerate to non-dog owners all the time.[/quote]
The children here asked if they could pat the dog (which the owner had allowed to approach them). How on earth is that behaviour equivalent to letting a dog poo everywhere?

Village ppl Op. I grew up in a village, loads of snotty nosed idiots. It’s not what people say it’s how they react, they couldn’t have reacted better