To be sick of miserable people shouting at (my) children?

[Yellowballoon77]

I am a SAHM so I see this a lot more than DH does. Especially since - in order to keep sane - we’re generally out and about every chance we get.

I think this is a lockdown / Covid thing, but I am SICK of people mindlessly telling off my kids for pretty much no reason. I’m all for “the village” mentality, but the “village” feeling quite mean-spirited and I've had enough.

Things that happened this last few weeks:
3-year-old ran from one bit of the paved park to another, across the path of an older couple walking. 3-yr-old didn’t bump into anyone, didn’t make anyone have to swerve or even slow down really, and was probably still about 2m away from them, but the lady (maybe in her 70s) shouted “get your child away from me!” And then, when I responded with a gaping mouth, she said, “Put your child in school! They shouldn’t be out like this!”

Another instance:
Park today, preschooler and school-aged child doing cartwheels on the grass. A dog wanders over, so school-aged child (who absolutely loves dogs) asks the owner if he can stroke the dog. Owner says “No, don’t touch other people’s pets!” (A Covid fear, I know, but the kid asked!) and then dragged his dog away by the collar and muttered “fucking kids” under his breath. I mean... whaaaat?! The dog wasn’t touched! I was . Man wouldn’t look at me at all, I told him to stop being so rude to kids. He heard me, but didn’t look me in the face.

Another example: kids playing loudly (how dare they?!) in our big shared garden. Woman who I don’t know sticks her head out the window and shouts “shut up! Shut up!” And then slams the window. It was about 1pm.

I have about three other examples of the same kind of thing.

And pretty much NONE from about a year ago and beyond so sure it’s a Covid fear and kids are easy targets to yell at.

I’m sick of it. It’s really starting to bother me and make me wonder if it’s like this everywhere now, or just where I live.

Am I alone in noticing it?!

I can't shake the feeling that one of the issues might be your phrase "we’re generally out and about every chance we get."

This has probably been noticed by those around you. I get that it's for your sanity, and that outside time in the park etc is important, especially for kids, but for many a local walk will be a very short, rare and precious break in the day, not at all 'every chance they get' or a long stretch 'out'. Not even every day.

If you are wfh, getting any time in the daylight at the moment (even putting washing out or sitting at the end of the garden for 10 minutes if it's not wet) is a big bonus and it's really draining to be shut in doing the same old same old. If you are elderly and maybe without transport, not trusting formerly convenient public options, it will have made the world extremely small. People are going out but a great many of them are not doing 'normal' or relaxed. It sounds as if what you're doing, mostly...is.

There is nothing in the current guidance to say that you need to restrict your outside time (thank God there has been some learning since last time)

There isn't, no. But some are definitely embracing their ability to take as much as they can, and some aren't, who would like the chance and the peace but are compromising to greater or lesser extents. Sorry if this makes them grumpy and not all light and smiles.

I think people are just over sensitive because of covid. I work in community NHS and I've noticed a definite rise in rudeness, rage, irritability.
I try to let it flow under the bridge and stay even tempered because I think everyone is under a lot of stress right now.

This has never happened to me 🤷‍♀️ We go to parks/playgrounds every day (home educating). Guess it must vary by area.

for many a local walk will be a very short, rare and precious break in the day, not at all 'every chance they get' or a long stretch 'out'. Not even every day

I agree with this.
A lot of people are snatching a 10 minute walk on their lunch break, or taking the dog round the block between work calls. Others might manage a weekly walk to their local park hoping it’s quiet as they’re in a high risk group. Others have been shielding and aren’t ready to face a busy park with chaotic kids, so they go during school hours hoping it’s quiet!

For many people that short peaceful walk or sit in the sun is precious. They don’t want to be bothered by kids asking to stroke their dog or runaway toddlers.

If you can’t get out often, a preschooler suddenly dashing in front of you could be scary, especially if you’ve been shielding for fear of catching covid.

Where I live the enclosed adventure playpark is where the kids run around shouting and climbing and letting off steam. The rest of the park and paved paths are mostly used by dog walkers, couples out for a stroll, or mums with prams. A few toddlers on reins or holding a parent’s hand, or scooting slowly next to mum, but not running off or disturbing anyone. There’s a lake in the middle so it’s not really safe to let toddlers dart about anyway! After school it’s much busier but still feels like everyone keeps a polite distance from each other (or tries to). Lots of mums bring dogs to drop off and pick up but I’ve never heard another child ask to pet one.

Same on the pavements, one of us steps into the road to give the other space and we nod and smile to each other.

I’ve noticed a big increase in people seeking help for anxiety, depression, health anxiety over covid, flare ups of conditions like bipolar and psychosis caused by stress. I disagree people are ‘anti children’ or ‘miserable’ they just don’t want to be bothered by kids right now.

I think we need to realise other people might be having a harder time, give them space and cut them some slack.

@RattleOfBars

This is beyond ridiculous now

I think it is beyond ridiculous to let your son ask to pet strangers dogs during a pandemic. Lockdown rules are clear about not touching or meeting people from other households and that goes for pets and their owners. You say they’re happy for him to pat their dogs but maybe they’re just too awkward or polite to refuse. I’m not blaming your son, I think it’s your responsibility to teach him about covid and social distancing!

I think you're absolutely neurotic, and have no idea what you're talking about. And since we're in lockdown anyway, no-one is going anywhere anyway. I would say the chance of catching COVID from patting someone else's dog has to be as close to zero as I can imagine. It must be wearing being this much of a curmudgeon about everything.

I can't actually believe you thing it's ridiculous to let him ask (in happier times, when we were allowed to leave the house).

You really think asking is such a terrible, terrible thing. SMH.

@RattleOfBars The rest of the park and paved paths are mostly used by dog walkers, couples out for a stroll, or mums with prams. A few toddlers on reins or holding a parent’s hand, or scooting slowly next to mum, but not running off or disturbing anyone.

Did you mean to suggest that children should be kept on leads and walk to heel in a public park?

Heaven forfend that kids run through a park. Which is meant for everyone, not just those out for a placid stroll.

'Other people' might be having a hard time and need some slack. Like the OP. And her dc.

they just don’t want to be bothered by kids right now.

I suspect these people were anti kids to begin with. Covid is just a handy justification.

Did you mean to suggest that children should be kept on leads and walk to heel in a public park?

It amazes me that people think this, but it does seem that a lot of people do. Children should only run when in enclosed spaces (but not gardens! someone might be listening!), and only for a short spell each day. Presumably for the other 23 hours of each day we are to power them down and put them into storage, until their next daily slot for making noise and moving around.

My favourite of the bizarre comments upthread was the person who grumbled about children running round all over the place, because it was SO inconsiderate that she had to go round them when out for her run.

Just been thinking of your use of the word 'miserable' as well. I know how you meant it, but it does have a less arch meaning.

Miserable. Sad. Ground down. Wishing so much things were not like they are. Miserable about nearly 4 weeks more lockdown, yet days of frightening news with no clear resolution at the end of it. Miserable because strangers can speak to you (rudely or otherwise) in public but you categorically cannot go close to family you don't live with, especially vulnerable ones if you really care. Miserable because this already hasn't been possible for many. Miserable because you can't have private space to see friends, just the outdoors. Miserable because you could be mentally ill and feeling isolated and worse. Miserable because you have to send your 14 year old to school where they and their group are clearly very much at risk with the resulting infection rate, but next door's 3 year old so say isn't so can go out as much as they like.

Yes, miserable is probably all that, not just mean-spirited for the sake of being nasty and ruining someone's park visit.

You seem to be unaware of your children. Older people are very worried about contact with anyone and your child cutting in front of them made them feel vulnerable.
Your child going up to a dog, asked if they could touch it. He said no. Maybe the dog isn't good around kids he had every right to say no

Your kids being very loud in the garden, why aren't you telling them not to shout ?

Some people are truly nuts

when i was young children were expected to moderate their behaviour around adults so as not to annoy them.
that was the norm and we accepted it. it worked quite well.
there was a recognised hierarchy.
we awaited out turn to be the ones who were deferred to.
then we grew up and are assailed by children who are encouraged to think they can do as they like and never consider anyone else, esp adults.

Assailed by children 😂😂😂

@MorganKitten

The dog thing is standard safety, you never touch someone else’s dog, ask, if they say yes cool, if they say no rescue to their wishes. What if it’s a nervous nippy dog? You’d blame the owner if it bites.

They did ask!

Your child going up to a dog, asked if they could touch it. He said no. Maybe the dog isn't good around kids he had every right to say no

The dog approached them.
He asked.

A man approached my dog yesterday (not the other way round even as in OP) and reached down to stroke him, this is really common as he's an unusual breed and gets lots of attention. We had a nice conversation after and I didn't walk away saying "fucking men"

He is nervous of strangers and will normally dart away. I find that kids often ask politely but can't remember an adult ever asking first if they can touch him before reaching down.

It's never occurred to me to be cross though, I just say "he might not come to you as he is a bit nervous" and we usually have a pleasant chat.

I appreciate it's different if your dog is very reactive in which case you don't let them approach people or children.

OP might be underplaying the noise or behaviour of course but I can well believe her children were behaving perfectly well. We've met plenty of lovely people on our walks and yes I think there are some who are very anti children at the moment.

I can't believe you're getting such a hard time on here OP.

All of those people were rude. End of story. Covid does not give people a carte blanche to be complete arseholes

@alexdgr8

when i was young children were expected to moderate their behaviour around adults so as not to annoy them. that was the norm and we accepted it. it worked quite well. there was a recognised hierarchy. we awaited out turn to be the ones who were deferred to. then we grew up and are assailed by children who are encouraged to think they can do as they like and never consider anyone else, esp adults.

Yes I think you’re right but when did it change?

Not saying this is the case with OP though!

“The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.”

― Socrates

And since we're in lockdown anyway, no-one is going anywhere anyway

Well, other than op who is “out and about every chance we get”

I think you're absolutely neurotic, and have no idea what you're talking about. And since we're in lockdown anyway, no-one is going anywhere anyway. I would say the chance of catching COVID from patting someone else's dog has to be as close to zero as I can imagine. It must be wearing being this much of a curmudgeon about everything

Do you bother with social distancing or is that neurotic too? Have you taught your child to give people space or is he allowed to approach anyone with a dog asking to pet it? You said he strokes around 5 dogs a day. That seems a bit foolish in a pandemic! If he had covid (kids often have no or few symptoms) he could easily transfer it to the dog’s fur and the owner. Why do you think supermarkets require mask wearing, enforce hand gel and floor stickers to keep people 2m apart? Or do you believe covid and cross-infection doesn’t exist?

In a sort of opposite example, a man once came out of his house and complained about me running on the path that went past one of the windows of his house, because it was "scaring his children", and could I walk in future.

I said no, I was perfectly entitled to run, he seemed as if he was about to kick off but then we both turned and noticed two little pale sad faces, pressed up against the window. I'd previously seen them walking from their house to their car, so not housebound or particularly nervous!