To be sick of miserable people shouting at (my) children?

[Yellowballoon77]

I am a SAHM so I see this a lot more than DH does. Especially since - in order to keep sane - we’re generally out and about every chance we get.

I think this is a lockdown / Covid thing, but I am SICK of people mindlessly telling off my kids for pretty much no reason. I’m all for “the village” mentality, but the “village” feeling quite mean-spirited and I've had enough.

Things that happened this last few weeks:
3-year-old ran from one bit of the paved park to another, across the path of an older couple walking. 3-yr-old didn’t bump into anyone, didn’t make anyone have to swerve or even slow down really, and was probably still about 2m away from them, but the lady (maybe in her 70s) shouted “get your child away from me!” And then, when I responded with a gaping mouth, she said, “Put your child in school! They shouldn’t be out like this!”

Another instance:
Park today, preschooler and school-aged child doing cartwheels on the grass. A dog wanders over, so school-aged child (who absolutely loves dogs) asks the owner if he can stroke the dog. Owner says “No, don’t touch other people’s pets!” (A Covid fear, I know, but the kid asked!) and then dragged his dog away by the collar and muttered “fucking kids” under his breath. I mean... whaaaat?! The dog wasn’t touched! I was . Man wouldn’t look at me at all, I told him to stop being so rude to kids. He heard me, but didn’t look me in the face.

Another example: kids playing loudly (how dare they?!) in our big shared garden. Woman who I don’t know sticks her head out the window and shouts “shut up! Shut up!” And then slams the window. It was about 1pm.

I have about three other examples of the same kind of thing.

And pretty much NONE from about a year ago and beyond so sure it’s a Covid fear and kids are easy targets to yell at.

I’m sick of it. It’s really starting to bother me and make me wonder if it’s like this everywhere now, or just where I live.

Am I alone in noticing it?!

Absolutely agree Chapter. Teenage girls get the worst of it then women. No one tuts at 6ft 2 dh with his “professional man” demeanour but this demographic seem quite happy to target well behaved teen girls to vent their frustration on 🙄🙄🙄

Good for you for getting your kids out, this is an awful time for childhood at the moment. I have noticed a huge amount of intolerance toward children of late and Mumsnet seems to have become an online space for people to vent this which is sad since it could be a great space for parents to support one another. I wonder if there's a lot of people without children on this thread. Some of the expectations of children on this thread seem unrealistic and harsh.

For example I just read a comment that children shouldn't run in parks only in play areas. Just completely bizarre no wonder kids are so unhealthy if this is what society expects

You do come across as a bit dramatic about "kids being KIDS!!" which does, if I'm being completely honest, make me feel inclined to think your children are being more annoying than you think. I don't understand why people who say this expect everyone else to prioritise the wonder of childhood above all else, and not find children being annoying, annoying, just because children are often that way.

That said, maybe you have been unlucky with these people. People are just anxious at the moment, and I think you should try to be as understanding of that as you expect people to be of "kids being kids". Just tell your kids not to go up to anyone in the park, regardless of the two metres.

I also really think you should be consciously keeping them pretty quiet in the garden during weekdays when everyone else is WFH. It's a tough time but it's arrogant to think kids don't have to make any compromises like everyone else just because they are kids.

Tell them all to go fuck themselves.

YANBU, OP. I don’t even like small children and their noise, but think you were very unlucky there and just encountered frazzled people at the end of their tether. Has there ever been a documented case of Covid transmission from petting a friendly dog? If so, I’m bloody doomed.

I have to listen to (amongst others) while trying to WFH on
calls & stuff that needs a huge amount of concentration
Workmen drilling, digging, shouting
Deliveries, idiots with revving motorbikes
Someone practising shooting with an air rifle in their garden
Kids screaming bloodcurdlingly on and off all day

It might be your neighbour is WFH/suffers from PTSD and the kids were the last straw.
Just because its not night time doesn't mean excessive noise is OK. Imagine trying to do your GCSE Maths exam with the noise they were making next to you. Just trying to see it from the other side

Guess I'll get flamed now :(

@GoldenOmber

My dog would never wander up to children as she dislikes them, she would avoid small children at all costs. It is when she is on the lead that she is more vulnerable and will growl if they approach her. I don't object to children asking but will say no if they are small (older children are OK). I get very annoyed if they just lunge forward to grab her without asking as some children are allowed to do.

Okay, but what you're grumbling about here is not the OP's situation. It is a totally different situation. In the OP's situation, the dog wandered up to the children.

I was really responding to someone who said dog owners were being miserable not letting children stroke their dogs, or something to that effect.

I’ve seen this too. I always say loudly, move over here -childs name- not that they do. It’s just toddlers they don’t and also I have a disabled child who doesn’t either.

People don’t mind I find if you verbally say that and they don’t. I think it’s rude still but avoids people getting angry

"Tell them all to go fuck themselves."

I like this post for its simplicity

The Uk is fairly intolerant of children, culturally. This thread is a great example of it - ie, children playing in their own garden is a justifiable reason to yell at them, working from home means neighbours have a reasonable expectation of garden silence. On a weekend. In the middle of the day. In the middle of the UK's largest city.

There is no justification for a stranger yelling at or swearing in front of a toddler (the woman in the park, the dog walker, the neighbour), unless there is a clear and immediate danger to someone's safety. In none of those cases was that true.

It's interesting how people are twisting themselves into knots of hypotheticals trying to defend the indefensible.

It's not your kids. It's not you.

When stuff like this is a one off then I always think it's a "them problem"

But you seem to be encountering people a lot that are irritated by your kids. So maybe it's a "me problem"

I have a few friends who are very much "kids will be kids" (actually they all have boys - who will be boys!) and seem oblivious to the fact the rest of the world don't find their little angels as wonderful as they do.

I'm projecting here of course. But maybe try and see it as an outsider.

Difficult one op. I can totally understand your concern. I have had similar this year. First instance was DS talking (only saying hello) to the neighbours through the back fence of our garden and got told to go away by the neighbour. Fair enough they don’t want a kid looking through, I get that BUT it was the first ever time he’d done it (and now the last after getting told off). Before lockdown he couldn’t see through due to a shed and large bushes which have since gone. We’ve since made it more private again.

Second time was in Sainsburys before lockdown. My kids and me were queuing with me at a very generous distance from the lady in front (at least 2 metres). And she came up to dc in an aggressive manner telling them back off. I think she may have not been quite right in the head as they were mine here near her and they looked gobsmacked. She was the only coming close to us.

As for the dog incident you explain. I would be annoyed too. The owner should have prevented the dog going near children being on a lead or having a good recall.

The Uk is fairly intolerant of children, culturally. This thread is a great example of it

This.

Children under 8 are exempt from SD in Ireland.

A child playing in their own garden is perfectly within their rights to do so.

I’d tell them for my where to go.

Firmly where to go

@LimitIsUp

Op my dc are 16 & 18 now, but I remember them being small and how thoroughly shitty & intolerant some people could be for little or no reason. I don't think it's lockdown I just thing how things are 🤷‍♀️

Yes. This

Mine are 19 and 16 and some people were just rude and intolerant when they were small

I remember taking my eldest into a cafe when she was small for a post pre-school gingerbread man. The eye rolling and tutting was pretty amazing

She was good as gold but everyone just sat there glaring and muttering like we couldn’t hear them. I got up and walked out

I know I said it up-thread but wanted to add the update about the neighbour again (who does not own a share of the garden). She has quite serious mental health problems (something I discovered yesterday) and that her aggressive behaviour has led the police to be called more than once before.

While I have a lot of sympathy for her, I doubt that my kids were being the screaming heathens some PPs are suggesting! She can’t tolerate a lot of things. The sound of them playing will have been enough. It has put me off using the garden, tbh, but I actually think that’s pretty sad.

(And it was a weekend, not a weekday!)

I bet these are exactly the same people who complain a about kids being stuck indoors on Xbox’s and not playing out in the fresh air like they did in “their day” (and before anyone accuses me of ageism I include my own generation of 40 years olds in that).

@Calligraphy572

The Uk is fairly intolerant of children, culturally. This thread is a great example of it - ie, children playing in their own garden is a justifiable reason to yell at them, working from home means neighbours have a reasonable expectation of garden silence. On a weekend. In the middle of the day. In the middle of the UK's largest city.

There is no justification for a stranger yelling at or swearing in front of a toddler (the woman in the park, the dog walker, the neighbour), unless there is a clear and immediate danger to someone's safety. In none of those cases was that true.

It's interesting how people are twisting themselves into knots of hypotheticals trying to defend the indefensible.

It's not your kids. It's not you.

I love this reply.

Using the phrase ‘global pandemic’ doesn’t make the act of ASKING to stroke the dog into a heinous crime! She didn’t lick the dog, or the owner. She didn’t wrestle it for the ground whilst breathing covidy breath on it. A child asked a perfectly polite question and the owner was rude Just out of curiosity why do some people insist on adding ‘global pandemic’ to statements about everything to try to make their moan point seem more significant, when it isn’t even relevant

But the global pandemic is relevant and significant. People are nervous of others getting close to them in case they catch covid. Government are telling people to social distance and avoid household mixing. Under normal circumstances a toddler running into someone’s path or a child asking to stroke a stranger’s dog wouldn’t cause such an irritated reaction (unless OP was unlucky and just encountered a variety of antisocial rude people).

The dog was wandering off lead but didn’t approach the children (unless I read the OP wrong). I didn’t say it’s a heinous crime to ask to stroke a dog just an annoying request. Covid aside maybe she was the 10th child that day to ask to pet his dog and he was fed up. Lots of people find kids irritating and don’t want to keep explaining the dog doesn’t like being stroked.

Approaching a complete stranger to ask to pet his dog is very different to asking a neighbour or someone you know. Just as you teach kids not to talk to strangers you teach them not to bother strangers with things like that?

I think parents need to explain to kids you must NOT get close to people and dogs in the park due to the risk of cross-infection, and explain you certainly don’t ask to stroke dogs. Because stroking a dog can spread covid if the child has it and is asymptomatic.

If someone is happy for their dog to be petted they usually invite the child to do so not the other way around. Asking a stranger is a bit impertinent even if they include the word please! Asking when there are lockdown restrictions in place is rude, however nicely the child phrased it.

YOU may not be worried about the risk of covid but a lot of people are. The people who got annoyed might have been immuno compromised or have a condition that could land them in ICU or worse if they catch it.

While I have a lot of sympathy for her, I doubt that my kids were being the screaming heathens some PPs are suggesting! She can’t tolerate a lot of things. The sound of them playing will have been enough. It has put me off using the garden, tbh, but I actually think that’s pretty sad

Your neighbour clearly has some severe MH problems from what you’ve said (it’s fairly common for the police to forcibly take someone to a ‘place of safety’ eg 136 suite in a MH unit, especially if neighbour is on a CTO recall for her own safety). Could she be having a relapse or was it a one off? Do any neighbours have contact details for her community care team who can check on her, and who you could report her behaviour to?

I think it’s fine to use the shared garden as long as you’re out there with them to stop any screaming/shouting/squabbling. Quiet play is fine. Ball games and anything that gets them over/excited isn’t. That way you’re also visible so anyone with a problem can come to you rather than yell from a window!

A lot of people are wfh at the moment or self isolating and loud noise from kids in a garden can get intolerable if you’re trapped at home.

I think parents need to explain to kids you must NOT get close to people and dogs in the park due to the risk of cross-infection, and explain you certainly don’t ask to stroke dogs. Because stroking a dog can spread covid if the child has it and is asymptomatic.

This is beyond ridiculous now.

You really think people are now no longer even allowed to ask.

Maybe life on an isolated island would be for you, since about 99% of the dog owners we meet are perfectly happy to let my son pat their dogs (he always asks).

This is beyond ridiculous now

I think it is beyond ridiculous to let your son ask to pet strangers dogs during a pandemic. Lockdown rules are clear about not touching or meeting people from other households and that goes for pets and their owners. You say they’re happy for him to pat their dogs but maybe they’re just too awkward or polite to refuse. I’m not blaming your son, I think it’s your responsibility to teach him about covid and social distancing!

Some kids are way more annoying than others. Maybe yours are more difficult than you think?

My dd has worked from home since lockdown and every day she can hear neighbours strimming, sawing, banging and there's a kid that can't play without screaming. She moans at me but what she doesn't do is yell out of windows. It's hard but we just have to get on with it. The dog owner was a twat especially as she asked first.