To let DD sleep in my bed when she asks?

[ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble]

I was talking to a friend earlier and she mentioned that DD(nearly 9) sleeping in my bed every now and then is just "not right anymore". I asked her to explain what she meant and it was just generic waffle about her being too old, just not being right and her needing more independence.

She normally asks about one a week,at the weekends. She stays up a bit later and we watch things together,or read,or chat . Other than that it's if she's had a really bad nightmare or she's really poorly. OH sleeps on the sofa on those nights, which he is happy to do.

I don't mind either way.

So AIBU and she's just too old and I should say no.
Or AINBU and it's fine ?

9 years old.. she's not a baby be firm with her tell her that she's not a baby if you keep giving in to what she wants she'll be a spoiled little brat and you'll have a tough time when she's older trust me

I never slept in my parents bed. I wasn't even allowed in their room without a specific reason like fetching bedsheets or getting my mums perfume for her etc. I don't have a particularly affectionate relationship with them.

My daughter who is almost two can come cuddle up with mum and/or dad whenever she wants - whether she's 3, 13 or 35. She's my baby and if she's looking for reassurance or just to be near me then I'm fine with that. I love her and I'll do anything to make her feel safe and secure.

@iwwntchocolate

9 years old.. she's not a baby be firm with her tell her that she's not a baby if you keep giving in to what she wants she'll be a spoiled little brat and you'll have a tough time when she's older trust me

What a load of nonsense. DS slept in my bed past the age of 9. He's a teen now and very much not a spoilt brat.

Your friend has a strange attitude. My DD is nearly 12 and comes in with me from time to time. There's nothing wrong with it

she's not a baby be firm with her tell her that she's not a baby

Be firm about what? OP is happy for her daughter to sleep in her bed with her. There isn't a problem.

@iwwntchocolate you say this from what experience exactly?
I've seen you're 20, with no kids. I suggest you keep these stupid comments to yourself.

OP, my kids are all allowed in my bed whenever they want or need me. The youngest two choose to sleep every night with me, and that's fine. I bought a super king to accomodate!

@iwwntchocolate my 2 as kids often slept with me. My dh would get in the child's bed.
They're adults now, not spoiled and have healthy attitudes and boundaries. Not repressed or judgemental.

@iwwntchocolate

9 years old.. she's not a baby be firm with her tell her that she's not a baby if you keep giving in to what she wants she'll be a spoiled little brat and you'll have a tough time when she's older trust me

I don't need to be firm. If either me or OH say no, she's fine with it and goes to sleep in her own bed with no fuss.

Not RTfT but my 9 year old is beside me now after coming through in the middle of the night having had a nightmare. Dh obviously has jumped ship at some point and gone to my sons bed for more space.
Ds often has a planned night with me - usually a Friday when ive been working late for a few days and we haven't seen each other much. I think he needs to connect. Dh doesn't mind and just sleeps in ds's double bed.
I suppose we've always played musical beds. Works fine for us.

My son , 7, gets a sleep over in my room once or twice a week, he doesnt get in my bed any more to sleep theres not much room with there of us in there, he only gets in my bed in the morning for a cuddle, bit we just pull his matress in to our room and he sleeps on that. When my DH is away he sleeps in my bed.

I hardly fit into the kingsize bed with me and dh. So no way it would have room for a 9yo dd too.
So no wonder he opts out to sleeps on the sofa.

Your 9 yo shouldnt sleep in your bed everyweek. Nah...

9 years old.. she's not a baby be firm with her tell her that she's not a baby if you keep giving in to what she wants she'll be a spoiled little brat and you'll have a tough time when she's older trust me

What ignorant nonsense from iwwntchocolate. I honestly do not know where some people get this kind of crap from.

I think iwwntchocolate got banned last night. Should have seen her comments on other threads really abusive

My two are 7 and 9 and both sleep in our bed from time to time, it’s not a problem for me and DH, sometimes the kids will go back to their own bed and sometimes DH or I will slip into their beds. There’s nothing harmful about it - they’ll grow out of it in time. I know I’ll be a bit sad when DS stops asking if he can sleep in mums bed.

@Yeahnahmum

I hardly fit into the kingsize bed with me and dh. So no way it would have room for a 9yo dd too. So no wonder he opts out to sleeps on the sofa.

Your 9 yo shouldnt sleep in your bed everyweek. Nah...

Don't assume that because you barely fit,no one else does either.

I hardly fit into the kingsize bed with me and dh

Dont assume that because you barely fit,no one else does either
Yes I was a bit hmmm about this when I read it. DH is 6ft4 ex heavyweight boxer, built like a brick shithouse and dd (9) still fits in fine with us on occasion. Definitely quite roomy with only the 2 of us.

I am blown away by the people who are in support of this- it's great to see! Loads of cultures around the world bed share. Closeness to those you love is a basic need for us as humans.

OP, for your friend and the very few on here who are clearly "against" it (although they may as well be against feeding and sheltering your children by the way they go on), it clearly stirs up feelings which are connected to insecurities they may have from their own upbringing or themselves as parents. If you feel it's ok then screw the rest!

Sounds fine to me, but maybe I'm biased, snuggling with DD aged 8 every night.
How come it's fine to sleep with dogs and cats but not children?

My dd is 9 too OP she has sleep overs when ever she likes....usually she sneaks in when my dh is on nights but if she feels unwell or has a nightmare she snuggles down between us and drifts off...neither one of us mind and have a bed big enough so no one gets squashed!!! Your friend is unreasonable not you

YANBU and like other pp have said it's perfectly healthy and normal. Plus you seem like you encourage her to gain her independence in her own time and there generally seems to be a good balance in your house.

Lots of people do it OP, there’s ntohing wrong with it.

Some people find bed sharing a sexual thing and so they think it is weird to bedshare with a child. These are the same people who think your child should never see you naked 😱

Do whatever makes you all happy.

It’s fine, don’t worry.