To let DD sleep in my bed when she asks?

[ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble]

I was talking to a friend earlier and she mentioned that DD(nearly 9) sleeping in my bed every now and then is just "not right anymore". I asked her to explain what she meant and it was just generic waffle about her being too old, just not being right and her needing more independence.

She normally asks about one a week,at the weekends. She stays up a bit later and we watch things together,or read,or chat . Other than that it's if she's had a really bad nightmare or she's really poorly. OH sleeps on the sofa on those nights, which he is happy to do.

I don't mind either way.

So AIBU and she's just too old and I should say no.
Or AINBU and it's fine ?

On the flip side OP how would you feel if you were being forced to sleep on the sofa so DH and DD can sleep in bed every week...Would you find that a bit odd being kicked out your marital bed for a 9 year old because they choose to sleep there instead.

@Isabelle99

YANBU at all, I only have a 2 bed house (my room and my sons room) when my DM stays over we share my bed. When I stay at DM’s I stay in her bed, she’s my mum and I want to be close to her some times. There’s nothing weird about it

I don't even dare to say what happens when DM comes to stay. But since DD copes with not sleeping with me for a whole month then, I guess she's not "broken" yet.

@Jenstar123

On the flip side OP how would you feel if you were being forced to sleep on the sofa so DH and DD can sleep in bed every week...Would you find that a bit odd being kicked out your marital bed for a 9 year old because they choose to sleep there instead.

They can both sleep on the sofa. They like it and I don't.

I still sleep with my 9 yr old. It’s fabulous. Think it’s bonkers that adults like to sleep in bed with each other but kids are expected to sleep on their own or they’re weird!
I’d never deny a kid a place in my bed. Rude!

@Jenstar123

On the flip side OP how would you feel if you were being forced to sleep on the sofa so DH and DD can sleep in bed every week...Would you find that a bit odd being kicked out your marital bed for a 9 year old because they choose to sleep there instead.

She's already explained that DH doesn't mind. Your just trying to stir an argument now.

Crack on, OP.
I had a dc similar. They didn't stop coming in to bed with me until they were mid-teens. (And that was only because I snore!)
It was an honour that they felt they could come and draw some comfort from being with me - and I know it helped them to sleep.
Anyone saying they think it's wrong is bringing their own agenda and uptight opinions. Do what is right for your family.

What was that about people who use the term “marital bed”.....?

I was chatting to another mum from Sri Lanka and she was saying she sleeps with all 3 daughters all together . 6, 14 and 19 . Husband is in the couch . I don’t know if it’s a cultural norm in some other cultures. It could be just her, they seem very close.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your children sleeping in your bed, no matter what age you are. Your friend is being a knob.

I would occasionally nap beside my grandfather up until I was in my late teens/early 20’s, I would be under the covers and him on top. My sister and I still feel like we can sleep beside mum if we want to, for example after a drunken night out, I would fall into my mums bed and talk rubbish to her, sing to her and make her take my makeup off 😂 I moved out a couple of years ago and I’ve stayed with my mum a couple of times and slept in beside her, I’m 36 🤷🏽‍♀️

My sister slept in the same bed as our mum till she was 10 because we only had 2 bedrooms in our house and she preferred that to sharing with me.

Oh and we often have our 9 year old in. Though if she’s too restless , flinging around her legs , either DP or I will get in her bed.

That would be a big nope for me at that age! My relationship with DH is important too and it is our time to be alone together.

@mineofuselessinformation

Crack on, OP. I had a dc similar. They didn't stop coming in to bed with me until they were mid-teens. (And that was only because I snore!) It was an honour that they felt they could come and draw some comfort from being with me - and I know it helped them to sleep. Anyone saying they think it's wrong is bringing their own agenda and uptight opinions. Do what is right for your family.

This. My eldest two are young adults now and did this til mid-teens. My youngest is 10 and hops into my bed most nights. I've always felt it an honour that that love hanging out with me and continue to see me as a source of comfort when needed. The days are long but the years are short. Wouldn't change a thing.

I actually feel really sorry for the people who are so uptight about stuff like this. It's such a weird thing to get judgemental about.

As long as it's done with your partner then it's no problem

My 11 yr old DD is in with me tonight and DH is in her room, she's got a double bed so plenty room, we probably have 1 night a week when she has a sleepover with me or me in with her, tonight we snuggled up and watched a cheesy xmas film. Will do it as long as she asks to

I think its fine op. Whatever works for your family.

Yanbu. My Ds (8) still likes to sleep in my bed 1x a week (usually a Friday as he likes to play word games and it can get late so I ensure it's not a school night), and he told me it's the highlight of his week. How can I refuse for no real reason when something so small gives him so much happiness.

DH isn't bothered as he is in his own room (snorer, duvet hogger, general night time faffer), we are both happier sleeping separately. In fact I think we are still together only because we sleep separate even if we slept together I would think he would put DS's happiness first.

DS likes to sleep with DH too once a fortnight. They are only small for such a short time, I don't understand the uptightness about all this. In many cultures co-sleeping with older children is absolutely normal.

Of course it's fine. Some children need that comfort and reassurance. Make the most of them still wanting a cwtch!

I think people who are willing to share their bed with another adult, but think its weird for their child to want to sleep beside them sometimes are weird. Why is it OK for adults to share a bed every night, but children are cast out on their own.

Rubbish, never too old!

My youngest (8 year old) sleeps in my bed every night. She doesn’t even start in her own room anymore, she goes straight to my bed.

She’ll not want to do it forever, so I don’t mind.

Dd10 loves sleeping with me when DH is working nights and I am not. It doesn't happen very often and when it does is met with whoops of joy. I also love snuggling up with her (and the cats)

It's whatever works for you and your family, I've never been a bed sharer, DM says even as a small child when I was unwell she'd say do you want to sleep in with me tonight DF can have your bed and I'd say no thanks! DB was in there like a shot though. Tonight I'm in the spare room as I have a very early start (should be sleeping not MNing ....) and DH is off work tomorrow and has a cold so the snoring is horrific, I bloody love having my own space in bed. The exception to this is DS, I love the wriggling, the sleep muttering, the warm slightly clammy cuddles, the big grin when he wakes up and notices I'm there 😊

I think it's fine

YANBU

Our 14 year old used to come in on a morning, I would be consigned to the middle, the three of us would either snooze for an extra ten minutes or chat about the forthcoming day, and always discuss dinner options.

It was coming to a natural end, when I was diagnosed with cancer, won't bore you with the the details, but it wasn't pretty, he stopped coming in overnight, it was going to happen anyway, but that is something else cancer stole from me.