To let DD sleep in my bed when she asks?

[ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble]

I was talking to a friend earlier and she mentioned that DD(nearly 9) sleeping in my bed every now and then is just "not right anymore". I asked her to explain what she meant and it was just generic waffle about her being too old, just not being right and her needing more independence.

She normally asks about one a week,at the weekends. She stays up a bit later and we watch things together,or read,or chat . Other than that it's if she's had a really bad nightmare or she's really poorly. OH sleeps on the sofa on those nights, which he is happy to do.

I don't mind either way.

So AIBU and she's just too old and I should say no.
Or AINBU and it's fine ?

Most adults prefer to share a bed with another adult they love so why on earth do people think children should be denied that comfort? Of course it’s fine my 10 yr old only sleeps in my bed

All my dc can come to my bed if they want to. Only the youngest (nearly 6) ever does. I can't imagine placing arbitrary age limits on it though.

Personally I would find this odd. I think it is more understandable if the child was 5. How did this even come up in a conversation unless you specifically told your friend (wanting a reaction)?

My son is 17, about 6 months ago he felt ill and came and had a lie down / cuddle with me and fell asleep. It was lovely, just like he was little. I’ll treasure that ❤️

My DC know they can climb into my bed any time they like. Your friend is being daft.

You’re fine OP. DS7 still comes into us most nights.
Our almost 16 year old hasn’t been in since one night she couldn’t sleep through thunder when she was 11 and prior to that hadn’t come through regularly since maybe 8/9.

Anyone who gives us an opinion against it is quickly shut down with “well we’re hoping he’ll grow out of it by 35” and the subject is generally dropped.

@DickBastardly

Personally I would find this odd. I think it is more understandable if the child was 5. How did this even come up in a conversation unless you specifically told your friend (wanting a reaction)?

What’s odd about it?

I find it odd that people seem to be so against affection in this sense. When you think about parents/care givers are the only comforting/affectionate human contact that children have. If adults get lonely and need affection why cant children.

My kids often jump in with me, its not always comfortable and I dont always agree if I'm tired or have a busy day the next day but when I am ok to do it I love it. We talk and have and laugh, play games, its lovely uninterrupted family time. And we all treasure it.

I dont have a partner so it is slightly different for me in that sense.

I'm hoping they always want to come and chill and have a hug tbh!

I'm menopausal and sleep naked due to night sweats - my girls still sneak in for a cuddle. They will decide when they feel uncomfortable.

Sounds like your friend has the issue.

My dad worked nights and I used to sleep in their bed with my mum until I was about 14. Nothing weird about it.

I don’t see nothing wrong with it. I love a snuggle in bed with my 10 year old.

I don't see the problem. She's your child. When I was a late teen my dad got a job working nights. My mum hated him not being there and so I would sleep in her bed when he wasn't about.

Do what you want, why are you even asking, it’s your life and you’re happy with it.

If you and dd are happy then it’s fine

@allthegoodusernameshavegone

Do what you want, why are you even asking, it’s your life and you’re happy with it.

Because the way she phrased it (" it's just not right anymore")really bothered me and wanted to see what other people think/do?

It’s fine. Your friend is weird.

I wouldn’t think it matters now and then. But why doesn’t your dh sleep in your dd’s bed instead of on the sofa? Isn’t big enough?
And your friend should mind her own business.

Ignore her.

It's perfectly fine!

Lots of kids do it, just not many people talk about it because of people like your friend.

My dad would cod home from night shift, find me in bed with mum, and just go sleep in my bed until I woke up 😂

The way I see it, dad had years before I came along to sleep with mum, and would have years of that left when I stopped doing it, why begrudge a child a few years of that?

Sounds to me like your friend has issues.

Sometimes I have a really early night. I go to bed at the same time as DS and DD! When this happens we all sleep in the big bed, me in the middle. When DH comes to bed he walks DS through to his bed and carries DD through to her bed.

It's lovely. I'll do that for as long as the DC want to. DD often makes her way through in the night (cold, sore feet, sore legs, nightmare).

They both come in for cuddles in the morning as they wake up too. DS is 14 and DD is 10.

I love being on holiday and all sharing the same room. I love having them close. They like it too.

It's not forever. It's such a short time.

If it works for your family then it's fine.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

I wouldn’t think it matters now and then. But why doesn’t your dh sleep in your dd’s bed instead of on the sofa? Isn’t big enough? And your friend should mind her own business.

Mainly because it doesn't have a TV. And he'll be comfortable and warm ,half asleep on the sofa and can't be bothered to move.

There's a sheet on the sofa ,it's a sofa bed so quite big and comfortable and can be pulled out if he needs, he takes his pillows and covers in with him etc.

@SciFiScream

Sometimes I have a really early night. I go to bed at the same time as DS and DD! When this happens we all sleep in the big bed, me in the middle. When DH comes to bed he walks DS through to his bed and carries DD through to her bed.

It's lovely. I'll do that for as long as the DC want to. DD often makes her way through in the night (cold, sore feet, sore legs, nightmare).

They both come in for cuddles in the morning as they wake up too. DS is 14 and DD is 10.

I love being on holiday and all sharing the same room. I love having them close. They like it too.

It's not forever. It's such a short time.

If it works for your family then it's fine.

I do think a 14 year old boy sharing a bed with his mam is a bit odd too. You can almost bet your house that the majority of 14 year old boys wouldn’t do that. I also suspect he wouldn’t share that fact wit his friends.

Yes your his mum but there’s no need at that age imo, certainly not routinely. Different if he was poorly.

Again none of my business how people conduct their sleeping arrangements but I don’t think that’s the same as a 9 year d DC.

DD2 has hated being in her bed since she came out of her cot. We went through a lot of her in our bed. We put the girls in a room together, didn’t help much . We had just about got her back in her own bed when my mum died.

Now she is bigger (10) I sleep badly when she is in with us, but if she needs to sometimes, I understand that.

If DH is away, she always wants to be with me and i let her.

Last night I went up and she was in our bed, she slept fine , but I need her back in her bed tonight, I don’t think there is anything* weird about it, but tonight I need to get a decent sleep.

Absolutely nothing wrong with your child sleeping in with you.