To let DD sleep in my bed when she asks?

[ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble]

I was talking to a friend earlier and she mentioned that DD(nearly 9) sleeping in my bed every now and then is just "not right anymore". I asked her to explain what she meant and it was just generic waffle about her being too old, just not being right and her needing more independence.

She normally asks about one a week,at the weekends. She stays up a bit later and we watch things together,or read,or chat . Other than that it's if she's had a really bad nightmare or she's really poorly. OH sleeps on the sofa on those nights, which he is happy to do.

I don't mind either way.

So AIBU and she's just too old and I should say no.
Or AINBU and it's fine ?

@Jenstar123 what do you imagine the consequence will be if not addressed? Taking dm to with her uni for cuddle time?

Thank you for answering me, HalfTerm. One of the best things about MN is hearing from people who think differently.

I never wanted to sleep with my mum either once I got to about 5 or 6, but my mum wasn't great. I know she loved me, deep down, but she drank most nights and was usually an angry drunk. So I never craved closeness with her. I usually wanted to be as far away from her as possible. It means that I often don't know what is "normal" for kids to do with their mum. I just assumed that everyone who had a sober, loving mother, would have wanted to sleep in bed with her, because she'd be comforting.

raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/sleep/sleep-problems/persistent-sleep-problems

Oh and FYI pre teens are 9-11 year olds so yes that is OP’s DD.

@Jenstar123

raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/sleep/sleep-problems/persistent-sleep-problems

Oh and FYI pre teens are 9-11 year olds so yes that is OP’s DD.

That would've been really useful when she was a baby/toddler and she was the crappiest sleeper.

Thankfully that got sorted by 3/4 .

I don't consider her wanting to sleep in my bed a "sleep issue".

The term pre teen is generally restricted to those close to reachingage 12, especiallyage 11.Not a 9 year old.

The OPs dd hasnt got a persistent sleep disorder, she wants a cuddle with her mum every now and then. Jesus wept, some people are weird.

That would've been really useful when she was a baby/toddler and she was the crappiest sleeper.
But yet she’s still sleeping in your bed every week and you think that’s normal......

Let’s flip this a bit. Sleep is really important for child brain development. So is secure attachment. What if strengthening the attachment by a weekly bed sharing session gives the DD a neurological advantage?

@XiCi but thats just the point it’s not every now and then, of course that is totally normal and understandable for a child of that age. OP said it’s every week.

It's only you Jenstar that doesnt think it's normal....
You obviously have some sort of deep seated issue to be so vociferous about something that is very normal in the majority of households

I’m starting to think that repression theory posted above may have some legs.

@Jenstar123

That would've been really useful when she was a baby/toddler and she was the crappiest sleeper. But yet she’s still sleeping in your bed every week and you think that’s normal......

Well definitely more normal, considering how bad it was. Especially since she'll happily go in her bed and sleep well if told no,because that happens sometimes too.

I like my DD sleeping in my bed. She will grow out of it eventually and it's only really of a weekend.

I do what a lot of people do here. Wait for my DH to be away or sitting up late and we watch a film together or just chat. Sometimes she plays a game on her iPad and I mumsnet or whatever.

She's seven.

I hope she always wants a sleepover with me every now and again.

If everything is fine and normal in your opinion and you and DH are comfortable with the situation then why have you started this thread at all?

I used to sleep in with my mum sometimes until I was about 12. I had night terrors and I only felt safe afterwards when I was in bed with my mum. It's fine. She won't do it forever. Enjoy it while it lasts. Mine are still young and never come in to our bed. I would love a sleep over with them!

@Jenstar123 you really do have a problem with this don’t you. There are so many families out there whose children sleep in their parents beds to teenager and beyond. It’s even ahem.....’normal’. People don’t talk about it because of the judgment they get from people like you.

@Jenstar123

If everything is fine and normal in your opinion and you and DH are comfortable with the situation then why have you started this thread at all?

Because she can!

Sounds lovely to me :) more the merrier as far as I'm concerned

@Jenstar123

If everything is fine and normal in your opinion and you and DH are comfortable with the situation then why have you started this thread at all?

I explained a few times why. I was fairly upset this morning and the wording my friend used really bothered me. It definitely helped clear up the jumble of thoughts in my head. Is that ok?

@Feetupteashot

Sounds lovely to me :) more the merrier as far as I'm concerned

No more children sadly, but the cat joins us most of the times too.

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/savvy-parenting/201403/the-impact-chronic-co-sleeping-older-child
It’s just a difference of opinion, one I happen to share with your friend. I found the above link an interesting read, it’s appears we aren’t the only two people on the planet who think it’s not the norm.

@Jenstar123

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/savvy-parenting/201403/the-impact-chronic-co-sleeping-older-child It’s just a difference of opinion, one I happen to share with your friend. I found the above link an interesting read, it’s appears we aren’t the only two people on the planet who think it’s not the norm.

It's not chronic Co sleeping. Calm down.

YANBU at all, I only have a 2 bed house (my room and my sons room) when my DM stays over we share my bed. When I stay at DM’s I stay in her bed, she’s my mum and I want to be close to her some times. There’s nothing weird about it

Mammals are supposed to sleep together too. It's sad we push our young away so quickly. My 3 love sharing a room even though they don't have too. Sharing makes you feel safe while you sleep.

I think a cuddle to sleep with your 9 year old is lovely and something to be treasured. My 12yo will still come in with me for a cuddle very, very occasionally but I know he will stop very soon. Ignore your weird friend!