To think people on Mumsnet are nothing like anyone I know in real life

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On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated and quite middle class. They come across as being interested in lots of different things, most have been to university and got married etc. In real life the people I know are just, what I would consider, "normal". Some have been to college or university, some haven't. None are in fancy jobs and most rent their homes, lots of my friends had their kids out of wedlock. From some things I've read on here (not all), these would be classed as "bad decisions". Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

DH is an military officer and I cannot imagine him wearing uniform to anything but work or a mess dinner. Let alone a safari supper. Is it a thing in rural life to wear uniform to social events?

@aphrodites

Part embellishment and part people are more truthful on here, people can express views they might not feel able to voice to their friends/family/co-workers, you never really know someone as well as you'd like to think.

A lot of things that women on here will say is a wise decision will be based on the fact that we live in a largely economically unequal society (won't even mention social as I know that's pretty contentious to some.)

I know more people that own than rent because most people I know are 50+; of the under 40's I know about half rent. I live in an affordable area, you can buy a house for £180k upwards so it's why so many do, of relatives in Surrey, most of the younger ones rent or are in tiny help to buy flats.

Massive embellishment is definitely a thing on here. You can say absolutely anything/make up any old cobblers and nobody would be any the wiser would they?

@CherryPavlova

wellthatsunusual, exactly. People say how many they can host. Usually groups of about 8-10 except at beginning and end when everyone comes together. Nobody does more than one course. Pudding house host gets worst deal as people are oiled and reluctant to leave by then, so it can be late/early and someone usually asks for coffee to complicate it.

If I might say so, it doesn't sound very mumsnet because people here seem convinced that no one else washes their hands and that everyone else's kitchen is filthy !

Come on, I don’t believe there can be many who don’t know someone who rents. What about the young adults post university?

Its fun to widen your circle in the real world and make friends with people from all sorts of backgrounds. It’s like reading widely or travelling or listening to all kinds of podcasts. It makes you see that we are all connected by our humanity. The same themes reoccur everywhere. In that sense it doesn’t matter if you live in a rented flat or a mansion.

wellthatsunusual, that will be the rural filth. We don’t mind a healthy bit of muck.

@CherryPavlova

Come on, I don’t believe there can be many who don’t know someone who rents. What about the young adults post university?

I do know a few people who rent but it's a tiny minority. Most young people I know just moved back home to their parents when they left university.

I think most people live in a bubble of people who are like them.

Pretty much all my friends are very liberal, very well-educated (I only have one close friend who didn't do a post-graduate and he's a famous and highly respected writer), and nearly all of them have successful careers either in the arts or in a scientific field. I have one friend who's an advertising exec and that's the most "ordinary" job any of my friends has.

On the other hand, I earn a terrifying low low income (but as a professional artist, having sacrificed earning potential for creative freedom), live in a small flat, and had a really shitty start in life. Only my writer friend earns any decent money; all my other friends either live in small flats or still live with their parents. So I don't identify with all the high-paid lawyer-types talking about their massive houses at all.

@CherryPavlova

wellthatsunusual, that will be the rural filth. We don’t mind a healthy bit of muck.

Funkypolar rarely. The odd kilt, the odd retired officer or young chap without black tie wearing mess dress or number 2s. It’s just a bit of fun, not a serious event. Someone might turn up in fancy dress.

My parents did safari suppers in the 80s it’s not a new thing

I think quite the opposite. I guess it depends what your reading on here. I've read a lot about people on here being high earners, 6 figures. I really don't believe that, how do you have a 6 figure job and have all the time for Mumsnet, no one I know on real life even knows what Mumsnet is, I barely have time to come on here. I go days, weeks sometimes months without coming on here, yet these 6figure earners have time to post a lot.

Most of the comments I read, they read to me like much older women sometimes.

Both my side and dh side of family including ourselves went to uni, a lot of us are earning enough, some of us a lot more, but no where near 6 figures, which is why I find it hard to believe that many on here are.

Don’t give two hoots about anyone’s life situation as long as posters kind and funny - laugh out loud at some of the responses on here sometimes!

That's an age thing I'd guess.

If you mix with 25 year olds or 45 year olds you'll see a big difference in how many people are 'comfortable '.

Barely anyone is at 25, but after 20 years work etc a lot of 45 year olds, not all, have managed to feather their nests a bit.

@MsTSwift

My parents did safari suppers in the 80s it’s not a new thing

The name is most misleading, I was envisaging something safari related and more exciting to be honest. It's just going in and out of each others houses like Come Dine with me with the neighbours? I will know for future reference.

@MsTSwift

My parents did safari suppers in the 80s it’s not a new thing

I was a child in the 80s but my parents didn't socialise at all. It was a novelty for me as an adult to discover that grown ups with families can also have friends and a social life.

(Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

OP....I think you have articulated your thoughts very well.

No not really. I'm well educated, privately educated to degree level 2:1 in sciences. I have always earned over 40k (more pre children.) I believe i frequency have intellectual conversations, own my own home and have done since the age of 22. To be honest virtually all my friends were privately educated and went to university.

My parents were party animals and still are! Safari suppers were one small part of their village social life! Probably the least Covid secure event ever though mingling in lots of different houses with a changing cast of people...

@Livelovebehappy

I don’t agree with you thinking most mumsnetters are super intelligent, witty and well educated. You might think that by reading some posts, but remember you can be whoever you want to be on here, and some people like to pretend to be something they’re not.

How do you fake intelligence and wit? Not sure that makes sense.

MN seems similar to a lot of my friends - fairly middle class, degree educated, own their own home, all the ones with kids got married first, have good careers etc.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

*righteous do gooders not together us do golfers 🤣🤣

I need to start proof reading my posts

I did wonder about the golfers...

I joined Mn about nine years ago for (very valuable) pregnancy and birth advice. I was a 39 year old foreigner who’d moved around a lot living in a tiny central London flat, and I found quite puzzling the kinds of lives that Mn posters presented as ‘normal’.

Things like assuming everyone lived near their parents, that emigration was an odd and selfish thing to do, that women ‘naturally’ stopped working when they had children because their spouses earned more, that men ‘couldn’t see dirt’, that people were ‘toxic’ or ‘narcissistic’. Things like the levels of emotional investment in house and car ownership, and in houseproudness, and in school gate politics that Mn presented as somewhere between Game of Thrones and the Borgias, all Queen Bees and Alpha Mums, and in ‘friendships’ that seemed to involve endless obligations, favours, exclusions and petty resentments, with hen dos, weddings and birthdays as particular flashpoints.

I didn't know anyone who lived like that. Then I moved to an English village for a few years, and met those people I’d thought were imaginary.

@Isabelle99 - please don't feel out of place. I'm 61, unemployed, other than a few temp jobs here and there, on a JSA, have rented for almost 20 years and have no money. When I read all the posts from the well educated, well salaried types who don't know anyone who has a different lifestyle I actually feel sorry for them, and certainly don't feel inferior or out of place. I know people from all different walks of life, as do most people in this part of the world, and I believe it makes for a more tolerant well-rounded society.

I'm middle class and went to uni, have a mortgage etc. A lot of my friends are. But not all. I have good friends who didn't go to university, who rent and who are single parents. Lots of different ages and life experiences.