To think people on Mumsnet are nothing like anyone I know in real life

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On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated and quite middle class. They come across as being interested in lots of different things, most have been to university and got married etc. In real life the people I know are just, what I would consider, "normal". Some have been to college or university, some haven't. None are in fancy jobs and most rent their homes, lots of my friends had their kids out of wedlock. From some things I've read on here (not all), these would be classed as "bad decisions". Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

I know what you mean op. We are in a completely different league of our own, it is amazing and lovely to talk to so many similar people.

I'm an astronaut, just recently come back from a solo mission to look for life on Mars and am off work for the next 6 months to rest. Bit bored, so I've been learning yet another language (I know 30 already), redecorating my entire house as its aged so much since I decorated it 2 years ago, and maintaining my award winning garden. It's nice having a couple of million in the bank for whatever I want to do or buy as well.

Most people I know are similar to me; live in semi detached houses and earn around national average salaries. A lot of my female friends work part time and if they have a partner , they tend to have a job at a similar salary level but work full time .

Depending on when you post or on which threads there are people who earn huge salaries abs have expensive lifestyles : but also I see a lot of posters who are really struggling financially . Perhaps the people like me who are in the middle don't normally say too much about their finances etc

I have never met anyone in RL who has ever said they use MN either .

I agree that MN isn’t representative and it’s likely that those posters are older than you but also, I think it’s partly the nature of how social circles work. People meet through education, work and social activities so you are less likely to meet people who work in sectors that you don’t work in because you won’t cross paths with them; a lot of the people I know who went to university are my friends who I met while I was there. Most people I know went to university because I’m of an age where it was kind of pushed on you so most people from my (comprehensive) school did go. If you live in a certain area it’s likely that the people around you earn a similar amount to you and therefore have similar jobs (although not always - my area is split between people who rent and first time buyers so it is a bit more diverse).

I don’t have a cleaner but one of my friends does and I mock him for it because in my mind if you are an able-bodied single person with no DCs and need a cleaner for your one bedroom flat then you are a bit useless

I wouldn’t call renting and having children before marriage bad choices - indeed they are not always choices, especially renting. Actually my DP’s parents never bothered getting married and they’ve done very well for themselves. There’s no shame in being at a different stage in your life, we all got dealt a different hand in life and it’s up to us how we play it. You’re certainly not alone in being on universal credit during a recession! You shouldn’t feel inferior. Earning more money or being married does not make someone a better person or parent - I think the only person who thinks Jacob Rees-Mogg is superior is him, for example. He’s got money and educationbut he’s still a crap parent!

@CakeRequired not being funny but I think your gallivanting is probably having an awful affect on your DCs

@MiniMum97

"On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated"

I don't think that's true at all.

Which are the posts you remember. The ones that make you think, or the ones which are about parking wars?

Something to keep in mind.

I'm in the middle, really - I grew up in a council house in poverty, none of my parents' friends went to uni, we were practised at hiding from the bailiffs and pushing the car to the side of the road when it ran out of petrol, my primary school was full of children like me whose parents were very skint. I thought friends who had Sunny Delight or Lurpak in their fridge may as well have been millionaires.

But I went to high school in a very middle class area and met friends with swimming pools, parents who both had well-paid jobs and degrees, kids whose parents bought them brand new £20k cars on their 17th birthdays and bought them £500 prom dresses. I felt wildly out of place then.

Now I work in an industry where there are a lot of stupidly, ridiculously rich people. I have a degree, and a partner with two degrees, but we aren't well off at all (due to debt - another story altogether!) and rent a shithole house, but in a nice area. I still feel like I straddle that line - I will never have any financial help for a wedding or house or my mum buying me an expensive pram if I had a child, I help support my mum or she wouldn't be able to keep her house. I don't have a single penny in my savings account, nor do I make it to the third week of a pay period without being under £50 in my current account. My friends from highschool onwards are all university educated and most own their own homes and have all left my hometown, yet all my primary school friends are still there in mostly minimum wage jobs. I think of myself as working class, but I earn more than my mum ever did or will, and more than my dad has for most of his working life (apart from a few good years).

As others have said, people can basically make up a new persona on here. I take a lot of things said on here with a pinch of salt.

However the world is made up from people of all different backgrounds and walks of life. I guess a lot of people are spending more time online at the moment, given the current circumstances. So you're being exposed to a huge pool of different people.

If it's any consolation OP I am from a working class background, living in a very normal house in a very normal neighbourhood, in a very normal job on a very normal wage. Nothing middle class or excitingabout me!

As others have said, people can basically make up a new persona on here. I take a lot of things said on here with a pinch of salt.

I quite enjoy writing and have often thought that I could make a whole new fictional me on here. I know enough about some of my high earning colleagues (career background, working pattern, family situation) to make it quite convincing I think. I could just adopt one of their life stories.

I think that would be quite a lot of trouble to go to though and frankly I could never be bothered

Birds of a feather and all that.

I find MN really diverse - it’s one of the reasons I really like it. It’s openedmy eyes up to all sorts of issues that I was previously naïve to.

In my RL everyone has a cleaner, owns a house and is still married.

There do seem to be a lot of well off people on here, with discussions about cleaners and multiple toilets. Any house threads that I've seen, you know the type - "why isn't my house selling" - have accompanying pictures of mansions.

Going by mumsnet posts most earn upper 6 figure salaries and have never seen a fruit shoot in the wild.

I have not felt that many of the people who say they earn six figures or more are lying. The context they describe seem plausible. Low six figures is not a particularly high salary for London, so whilst a lot, it won't stop traffic.

I find mntters who talk brag about their partners' high earnings tiresome.

@Funkypolar

In real life, I don’t know anybody who “sobs and shakes.” It must be a MN thing.

Or snaps and farts.

@Staffy1

There do seem to be a lot of well off people on here, with discussions about cleaners and multiple toilets. Any house threads that I've seen, you know the type - "why isn't my house selling" - have accompanying pictures of mansions.

There are equal amounts of posts from people with nothing.

I am a 28 years olds with a 13 year old ds and a 7 year old DD living in a really middle class area of London ( think really naff but popular tv series. I live in a council pottery but my kids go to rugby and ballet, what you are describing is literally my real life !

• I think I spent most of my collections and drop offs saying no I’m not her au pair.

Saying that I have some wonderful friends who I have met despite the class difference and we all mingle well.

• property

Sorry typing in the dark half asleep with a cat walking over my face !

I went to uni and have a career. I have a mortgage, 2 in fact, we rent out our old flat. We got married before having our 2 children. The vast majority of my friends and colleagues are in the same position.

We also have a cleaner and 3 toilets

I'm from a very working class background. We were bones of our arse poor when I was growing up. Once we didn't have heating and hot water in our house for 2 years because we couldn't afford to fix it. I have a memory of my dad being arrested and taken to prison for not paying council tax. I'm the only one in my family to go to university and move away from the area. I live in a very middle class place now. I make a reasonable show of fitting in but feel inadequate and like a fish out of water a lot.

I like the diversity of mumsnet! I am pretty middle class and highly educated - I only know one family who had children before marriage (and they got married when the first was a baby), and being an academic, about 2/3 of my friends and colleagues have PhDs!
But I realise that this is a pretty non-representative sample, and like to hear other views!

I do think that it's funny how many people are secretive about using mumsnet! A while ago a friend and I realised that we both used mumsnet and were gender critical, and it felt like a secret club!

I can see what you mean op but for me i take comfort in this mass of women with different backgrounds and experiences, lifestyles etc but there is always a common thread among us, something to relate to.

I'm a high earner, have a cleaner, go on lots of holidays, uni educated, married, because of where i live most of my mum friends are similar to me. Maybe I'm the type of mner you refer to in the original post.

But i am also very sweary, common, from a deprived background of immigrant parents, father an abusive alcoholic, mother with mental health issues. Free school meals and benefits raised. The child who got one new school uniform every few years. I've had crippling nervous breakdowns and post natal depression. I stayed in a ten year relationship with someone who cheated non stop and used to hit me.

My point is - just because I'm all those things in the first definition doesn't take away any of the things I am in the second. We've all got something to relate to in everyone, in my opinion.

Most of my friends are similar to me thinking about it I think that’s the way for most people. I provide a professional service and when clients recommend me to their friends it cracks me up that friends are always similar - age demographic looks house everything. Every time. I think like attracts like - not always but often.

I have been accused of pretending to be a solicitor which is quite funny if I were weird enough to make up a job it would be a more interesting one than that!

@Whenlifegivesyoulimoncello

How dare you, they are totally fine in their private school at Nasa.

I think it is good when people of different types and income levels can talk to each other. I rarely find people who make things up. I am so honest I get identified! I had a private island in the pacific (although that was really just 20 acres of rain forest where we camped, owned for 10 years but not now, now I am a mere ex-island owner) etc. I am older than many too which makes a vast difference as I have worked full time without a break even for maternity leaves since 1983 That is 37 years of full time work. If you are reasonably careful with money you are bound to be a bit better off particularly if you picked a career like law when you were 14 as I did than those who have only had 5 years of full time work to save money from. In fact now I try to do only the work I prefer and eg gave up giving 50 day courses a year which were very very tiring, masses of preparation and quite stressful particularly the one where I was picked up at Tehran air port in one of the oldest cars I had been in for years at 3am... I got out alive (laughing) and lovely people there. Now I refuse that kind of stuff and potter around my garden and only work from home although even there I have been really really lucky as that decision in 1994 means I was set up for this pandemic jsut as that decision about 2 years ago to give up all those day and half day talks made things easier this year as there was nothing to be cancelled and yes I could to it on line and did a one hour one for a client on Teams but that was an exception.

I am now off to the council tip - 4th appointment there for a week - with the last entirely full Vol;vo estate of laurel branches from what is probably the longest hedge locally no a private garden (we have all of them measured as the deeds say you pay for the road repairs based on size of frontage and mine is the biggest and in a sense the worst as the only garden you can see right into and they do - instead of being at work in London people come to walk up this private road in their droves. I was telling my son last night I felt like an exhibit in the zoo. When they stopped yesterday I gave everyone who stopped a big wave and smile. End of waffle. The car is packed, the washing machine is nearly finished and I need to drive across the borough to the council tip.

If anyone does think those of us who ear a bit more than others thinks we are lying age about being lawyers etc just probe us a bit. I really really don't think people do make very much up. You occasionally get someone pretending they need money sent to them and MN sends a warning out on the threat to be careful but that is quite rare.

"On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated"

Nearly everyone I know in RL are too!