To think people on Mumsnet are nothing like anyone I know in real life

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On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated and quite middle class. They come across as being interested in lots of different things, most have been to university and got married etc. In real life the people I know are just, what I would consider, "normal". Some have been to college or university, some haven't. None are in fancy jobs and most rent their homes, lots of my friends had their kids out of wedlock. From some things I've read on here (not all), these would be classed as "bad decisions". Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

I agree that in RL hardly anyone is rude. On MN, however, people really let rip. It sometimes scares me that perhaps one is passing in the street a MNetter with innards constricted with anger...

Also heartily agree that the age range of posters is wide, so those “How much is your household income?” threads are pointless, unless the question is, “How much is your household income if you are 35, live in the West Midlands, have two children, no inheritances, and have a degree in Sports Science?”

It’s flippin’ obvious that a couple in their 50s are going to have a bigger income and bigger house etc than the equivalent aged 30, let alone the single parent in their early 20s with a minimum wage job.

Once on a thread where it was relevant (pensions or investments or something) I posted that my salary was mid 6 figures.

The next response?

“I think you mean mid 5 figures”

The idea that woman could not fathom that a woman could earn the former was a real light bulb moment for me.

I agree that in RL hardly anyone is rude.

I think people on Mumsnet are positively polite compared with a lot of the customers and, even worse, the colleagues I had years ago when I worked in a bank. There is something about banks that brings out the absolute worst in people. Never had anything like it working in any other job, including retail.

I work in a public sector organisation and there are quite a few people on six figure salaries and whilst there are certainly more men, it's not a huge imbalance. But when I worked in the private sector, there were about ten men in high earning positions for every one woman. And almost without exception, those high achieving women were single and childless. It was quite depressing.

Good for you @PegasusReturns & I think it's really important that posters like you tell your story (sounds cheesy) because I do think some women don't think women can earn those salaries & many undervalue themselves & don't ask for more money. I don't earn 6 figures but may in the future but I have been lucky to work in female dominated companies with women who do.

However I still think some posters lie/exaggerate.

Not depressing that they were single and childless, that was obviously their business and no one else's.

I mean depressing that either by perception or reality, married women with children didn't reach that level.

I think that's accurate @wellthatsunusual

The idea that woman could not fathom that a woman could earn the former was a real light bulb moment for me.

Maybe they just couldn't fathom that anybody could earn the former.

About 295,000 men earn more than £150,000 a year, which is roughly Theresa May’s salary, compared with only about 61,000 women.

@PegasusReturns

Once on a thread where it was relevant (pensions or investments or something) I posted that my salary was mid 6 figures.

The next response?

“I think you mean mid 5 figures”

The idea that woman could not fathom that a woman could earn the former was a real light bulb moment for me.

Could I ask what you do to earn mid 6 figures, i.e ~£500,000/year ?

Genuinely curious. I appreciate this is an anonymous forum which makes it easier to ask/answer questions many of us wouldn't in real life.

I'm a junior dr working for the NHS after 6 year of university education and several years of post-graduate training (working outside of work too) and earn in early 30k.

At 18 I don't think I was aware of other career paths. (I wouldn't change mine now after over a decade of training but it certainly isn't an easy path by any means. I also value other factors such as job satisfaction etc over monetary factors which within the NHS I think many of us do. For those that are attracted to ££, some work privately also - not judging as at the end of the day they are providing a service that people are willing to pay for, its just not something I think I would ever be interested in).

I don't think most people lie. I don't think I have ever said what I earn actually as that is confidential although I have certainly said things like my husband got 59% of assets on divorce, I paid 5 sets of school fees etc, interest only mortgage was £90k a year at one point which indicates I earn reasonably large amounts. I am not particularly motivated by money. I just wanted to replicate what I had - my professional parents went to university (or teacher training college in my mother's case) and bought a house and sent us to fee paying schools. I and indeed my siblings have not done too much more than replicate that. Once I help the last of the children with a property purchase my savings will be down to zero again as ever - I seem to specialise in giving money away, not keeping it and now in my 50s with only about 2 or 3 years left of supporting children I want to reject work I don't enjoy (which tends to be work with gravel and business trips - awful after doing them for years, just a hassle, not exciting) and do work I do enjoy. I have rarely had that choice until latterly.

If someone above said in the past they were upset I had said if you make career plans in your teens that can pay off it would certainly not have been intended ot be personal. I try to talk about issues, not personalise things about anyone and my only advice to my twins when they went to university 3 years ago was to be kind to others, which is in keeping with our Catholic values (and indeed human values of most people).

Most of the women I know are like what you describe - well educated, good jobs, articulate, interested in lots of different things. Most of them are not white though.

@pollyeolly

What I find odd is the amount of high earners who are competitively frugal.

It's always very, "our income is 10k a month but we put 9.5k into savings & investments & camp once a year". I mean if that was representative the economy really would grind to a halt.

How do you think the rich stay rich? Seriously, most have some amazing investment habits.

Just was taken aback when a poster literally would not believe that I and another poster were solicitors- as if it were some rare and mighty thing.

@MsTSwift

Just was taken aback when a poster literally would not believe that I and another poster were solicitors- as if it were some rare and mighty thing.

😂😂

@HotSauceCommittee

I just think nice/funny or not nice when thinking about folks on here. I am surprised by the amount of nastiness sometimes, people say things that I never here in reality and I spend a large part of my working hours in the company of criminals/suspected criminals. Someone posted about having completed their Christmas shopping and lamenting the fact that their child or step child had changed their mind about what they wanted. Someone actually bothered to reply and crow about the op being a "smug Christmas shopper" and "ha ha-ing" about it. I really wonder about what type of life that that person and the people around them have. Those type of posts stand out to me, and, of course the ones where the posters are really lovely and/or funny. I don't care about background, although sometimes it's relevant in the post, I don't care about grammar or spelling, as long as I can understand the post. I just like to know people have a heart.

I saw that thread too and was surprised at the responses, they were over the top for the subject of the thread, all the OP did was go Christmas shopping early, which was a pretty good idea this year.

I knew someone who made slightly rude comments online and I've never understood why they did it, why would you bother being nasty? Surely there are better things to do with your time.

Sometimes there needs to be more empathy and understanding that we are all different and have different lives and opinions.

@Siw2020 I’m a lawyer. I’ve worked for the government, then private practice then in house. I’ve done consultancy work and set up a companies, one very successful others not so much The income from companies falls outside of the salary I referenced.

I targeted a well paying career as a means of escape from an unhappy childhood and it worked well, but I totally appreciate that the things that I cate about are not cared about by everyone.

What is representative about the high earners on this forum is that many came from humble backgrounds. Those stories are told time and time again by women on here. And that has to be a good thing that you don’t have to come from a privileged background, though a stable upbringing does help.
Agree with posters saying that it’s a little cringeworthy to hear women come and talk about their husband’s earnings. Like somehow their pride of their husband’s earnings compares with women who juggle a career, children and everything else that goes into running a household.

@sst1234 How do you think the rich stay rich? Seriously, most have some amazing investment habits.

We are not talking about millionaires here. In my experience the people bringing home 10k are watching 5k go straight back out to pay for mortgage/childcare. That was my point.

Like you OP, my own circle is nowhere near as varied as Mumsnet. I remember being fascinated by my BIL when we met as he was the first person I knew who worked in an office! He didn't earn a lot, but it was a novelty.
These days, now I live in a rural village in the south east (renting, and only able to afford that as the house is cheap because it needs a lot of work and we get housing benefit despite both working), I know people through the school run who have high earning jobs but my friendship circle tends to be the cleaners, carers etc . I was the first in my family to get a degree and that was post DCs, in nursing so not high earning. We may never be able to buy a house as unlikely to get much inheritance and can't afford a mortgage or a deposit.

Most people I know/relatives had DCs before marriage, DH and I married after DC2 having had DC1 when I was 20. That was pretty normal in my family.

I love that Mumsnet has exposed me to other experiences and opinions, it really has broadened my understanding of the world. I sometimes feel like an imposter too, but quickly get over it.

I see a lot of posts, where people look so insecure, jealous, and bitter. They have a warped sense of reality, shaking/crying over the smallest things, and so intent on giving everything a label. If your DH didn't agree with you - bastard abusive manchild! But then, for every crap DH, there's posters out there claiming to have the best DH, who's smart, drop dead gorgeous with a big dick, amazing in bed and such a high earner.

Everyone has issues with MILs, the kids are all SEN etc. I personally feel glad I don't know anyone who behaves the way people do on mnet, in RL.

If someone above said in the past they were upset I had said if you make career plans in your teens that can pay off it would certainly not have been intended ot be personal. I try to talk about issues, not personalise things about anyone and my only advice to my twins when they went to university 3 years ago was to be kind to others, which is in keeping with our Catholic values (and indeed human values of most people).

I wasn't upset that you said that making career plans was a good idea. I think it's a great idea. In the discussion in question, where you made me cry, it was a back and forth discussion about my personal situation as I tried to explain that as someone from a religious N Ireland family I simply wasn't allowed the freedom to go to the library after school on my bike (I wasn't even allowed a bike!) or to go to England to university, or even to study law (it was deemed unsuitable for a female from a Christian family). It was expected of me that it was my family, religious and social duty to stay close by. Leaving to pursue my dreams would have caused a huge rift in my family that I'm not sure could ever have been overcome.

I always find it funny that the people earning 100k as a part time salary on here also have the time to post constantly on this site. I can only conclude that the vast majority are lying (they will soon rock up and hijiack this thread and will start talking about their salary and how it is normal). I take everything on AIBU and I the financial threads with a pinch of salt.

Most people I known with young kids fit your description and are really level headed. I feel sorry for a lot of people on here who have a habit of being nasty and constantly need to have an opinion on everything. I just get images of very lonely people, kids flown the nest (if they have them), knocking back wine at 1am alone and living in a hovvel - but online they are all Londoners on six figure salaries, have perfect kids and a husband who shags them senseless every evening! Then there's the journalists or political bots posting antagonistic posts.....

After a while you realise who the real people are and you manage to find the genuine posts. Sometimes I have took things on here to be the opinion of most people in RL, only to find that what I think is the consensus has massively skewed by the above. If you want to know how many people rent or what they get paid, look up the stats for your area. Don't form an opinion from here.

I can only conclude that the vast majority are lying (they will soon rock up and hijiack this thread)

It lacks a certain amount of imagination to assume that people with a different lifestyle to your own can only work within your own parameters (a difference of opinion isn’t a hijack btw).

I’ve seen hundred of people claim that @Xenia is a fictional creation. I’m pretty sure I know who she is in RL (you don’t know me but I’ve read several interviews you’ve done over the years - you’re recognisable )