To think people on Mumsnet are nothing like anyone I know in real life

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On Mumsnet the majority of posters seem articulate, witty, well educated and quite middle class. They come across as being interested in lots of different things, most have been to university and got married etc. In real life the people I know are just, what I would consider, "normal". Some have been to college or university, some haven't. None are in fancy jobs and most rent their homes, lots of my friends had their kids out of wedlock. From some things I've read on here (not all), these would be classed as "bad decisions". Am I the only person who feels Mumsnet doesn't "match" their day to day life? (Sorry, not very good at putting things in to words).

I know what you mean. The threads about cleaners get me as it's something we can't afford or would consider.

Also, and the Outnumbered thread today has reminded me of this, that inherited homes or money and help buying homes seems to be a thing on MN. This is not something I can relate to.

My mom was a cleaner and my family were the first in the family to buy their own modest home. I feel that everyone on MN seems to inherit stately homes - there was even a thread about calling parents "mummy and daddy" which seemed very Brideshead, whereas 'mom' is often frowned upon here.

I don't agree that the majority of MN'ers are liars. Yes some are pbp's, others are goady. I don't lie on MN about my distinctly average part time salary.

Theres a huge mix of people on mn. The topic of any given thread tends to draw whichever type of group. So I guess OP you keep reading the specific ones that would draw the people with wealth?

I've a gardener, cleaner, nanny, room for a pony. I know lots of people in real life who are similar. But I also know it is NOT the norm across the population. We are lucky and privilaged with how things have worked out for both me and my DH in terms of jobs and health etc.

Hmmm. I feel like more an imposter in my real life where the majority of my friends are uni-educated, married with 2.4, earning well over £50k and living in big houses that I could literally never even dream of owning

I live in a very affluent area so obviously that affects what surrounds me.

On Mumsnet I seem to come across a broader range of incomes and living situations.

Surely though there's a huge age range on Mumsnet? So whilst you might not have a cleaner right now, perhaps you might get one if your circumstances change later in life? I didn't get anyone in when my kids were little, I kind of thought I had to do it all myself, then I did and it was way better! Not having a cleaner til I was about 45 is a regret of mine!

I wonder, is there a demographic that is 'representative' ?

I notice it's the better off ones that apologise for not being representative. The poorer ones don't- but they don't vastly outnumber the more comfortable ones so they arent any more representative either. Or have I the numbers wrong - it's possible!

See I think it's clear that posters like @xenia are very truthful. I definitely think some people exaggerate. Having said that I've been accused of lying when discussing teacher salaries that I know of & of having an agenda on some of the covid threads.

Mumsnet probably started with a more middle class/wealthy set of contributors when it started because they were more likely to have broadband and smartphones (I still find it hard to believe that DD was born before iPhones went on sale in the UK).

I think people find their niches, and lurk there with the occasional forays into "active" topics with interesting titles.

There's always Netmums?

I don't doubt Xenia at all. I've been here for about 15 years under various name changes and I've never seen her contradict herself even once (although she did make me cry once under a previous name as she laid into me for not having done something as a teenager to set myself up for a better life now and refused to believe me when I explained why it wasn't possible for me to do it. But I'm not usually upset by posts on Mumsnet, I don't think I've ever been upset before or since, I was suffering from PND at the time and was having a terrible day).

But although I believe Xenia and believe plenty of other women are high earners it doesn't mean that I always believe every poster here who says they are.

What I find odd is the amount of high earners who are competitively frugal.

It's always very, "our income is 10k a month but we put 9.5k into savings & investments & camp once a year". I mean if that was representative the economy really would grind to a halt.

I don't doubt Xenia at all I know who Xenia is (we were on a board together many many years ago), she doesn't hide herself, her profession or her achievements and she is not lying. She is an outlier though, she's not typical of most mumsnetters. There used to be threads about salary and everyone used to go on about their husbands- that's not Xenia's style at all, and I've noticed more high achieving women on here in the past five years rather than people talking about their high achieving husbands.

Plus a whole lot of other experiences as well, I have been both really hard up and really quite well off and I'm sure I'm not the only one. My grandma left school at 14 semi-literate, I now know people mainly who have been to uni (which is much more common now anyway nearly 50% of people have some type of further ed these days). These things are not fixed, and you can have a lurch in luck at any point in your life, I have and that's why I find it interesting to hear from others as well.

People are definitely kinder away from here.
I always wonder what some of the people who make nasty comments are like in RL.
Personally, I see a real mix on here.
The 'perfect' ones with 2 kids, high flying careers, nice homes and lots of extra income but also others. Single parents, those who do not earn much, those who rent/live in flats and have a lot of stress in their life.
I guess it's split down the middle.

There used to be threads about salary and everyone used to go on about their husbands- that's not Xenia's style at all,

That's why I think it's useful to hear from Xenia & other women about earning ££££.

I can stand the threads where the OP is "if your a high earner how did you get there" & posters talk about their DH. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Are we allowed to mention other posters?
There is one poster who's very much all over AIBU & their user name is very apt considering their general tone. I don't know anyone like that in real life & think it can't be a persona because it's so consistent.

I work in London and earn over the London average, and never felt bad about my salary until I came on mumsnet and started reading threads where everyone earns £100k+ and everyone they know does too. Now I try and avoid reading them because they make me feel rubbish.

I can stand the threads where the OP is "if your a high earner how did you get there" & posters talk about their DH

Agree it’s maddening or a general post where no specific knowledge is required and someone pops up to say “well I’ve now asked my DH and he says...” seriously WTF?!

In fact the other day I read a woman with expert relevant expert experience provide a response and then several posts later she provided her DHs non expert opinion and presented it as if that was the one to listen to. Blew my mind

I think most people were like that on here several years ago and I related more, much as I do with friends in rl. Now there are some really weird opinions and I struggle to comprehend the way people's minds work, because it is so different to what I can relate to. A lot just seems to be very dysfunctional. More so than years ago, when it was less diluted and more middle class.

Yep @PegasusReturns who cares what DH thinks!

Was just coming on to say the 6 figure salary. Oh and the advice to never , ever give up your job or just go out and get one. Great advice but It’s all so simplistic . I have a degree, masters and I have been working part-time freelance for years. I have applied for loads of new jobs as I want to get out of being self employed and can’t get an interview at all even before coronavirus. I’ve done a lot of updating courses etc. It’s definitely to do with the country I’m in (all who you know) but I always feel like it’s not always that simple. There are so many variables, my dh is as hands on as they come, was the sahd for a while (3 kids and childcare in my country is v expensive) and now he makes more money etc . There’s things such a redundancy etc that we have no control over..
Sorry I’m off topic but no one I know in rl would say things like they say on here

I think some obviously just enjoy the discord & are bored.
Hence the threads like below

OP: "SIL called at 7.30pm when I was doing bedtime".
"Why were you doing bedtime so late".
"Tired children don't learn".
"Your kids will become delinquents"

Thinking about it is actually quite depressing when women literally don’t believe that other women are high earners and have professional jobs etc

I find the opposite.

Many posters (and I am guilty as hell for that) assume that others are on the same level as they are, so can get drawn into a ridiculous argument. Sometimes you need to step back and realise that some replies are genuine, not goady, just from people who are not really bright at all.

You know in real life if a work colleague, a neighbour, or a school mum are a bit stupid, so you modify your reaction. You tend to judge everybody on the same level on a forum, which is clearly a mistake.

@MsTSwift not sure if you’re on/have seen this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4049415-High-Earners-on-MN

But your sentiment is shared - the misogyny is jaw dropping.

@MsTSwift

Thinking about it is actually quite depressing when women literally don’t believe that other women are high earners and have professional jobs etc

I agree

Due to my job, I have a vague knowledge of many people's salary, or salary bracket. The outrage and denial about high earners on here is a bit weird. Jealousy possibly?

@MsTSwift well lots of women have professional jobs but unfortunately there aren't many women statistically who earn high salaries. I also know some of the higher earning sectors quite well eg banking & law so somethings don't always ring true.

So yep a partner at a MC law can earn 1m a year but only probably 1 in 4 are even women in the first place.