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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - don’t want to go to Boxing Day birthday party

147 replies

joniesparkle · 07/11/2020 18:08

My nephew’s birthday is on Boxing Day, he’s going to be 6 this year. I’ve been to his birthday party (held on Boxing Day) every year since he was born, but it’s always a bit inconvenient - leaving Boxing Day lunch at in-laws early, cutting short out Boxing Day walk etc. The plan is always very disorganised - my sister doesn’t tell me a time to arrive until Boxing Day morning etc. And it’s never particularly enjoyable when I’m there - it’s clearly a chore for my sister and her husband is difficult, kids going crazy with overwhelming amount of presents etc. How can I gently tell her I don’t want to be there this year? I will of course get my nephew a gift as usual, and visit another day but I just don’t want to feel obliged to go every year? Any advice?? Am I being unreasonable? My sister is fiery and won’t take it well!

OP posts:

farandfew · 07/11/2020 18:10

Is it really that hard to go for an hour?

Aquamarine1029 · 07/11/2020 18:11

Your sister will have to get over it. Having a birthday party on Boxing Day is absurd and a proper pain in the arse. Stand up for yourself and do what you want to.

emilybrontescorsett · 07/11/2020 18:13

covid is a great excuse.

Kiki275 · 07/11/2020 18:14

This year you might have the decision made for you, especially if we're still locked down x

TheDowagerDuchess · 07/11/2020 18:14

Poor boy. It must be tough having your birthday on Boxing Day. I think you should go for his sake. And having a dad who is difficult can’t be fun.

That said, she should be more organised with the planning and tell you the plans in advance.

dementedpixie · 07/11/2020 18:14

Covid might rule it out anyway

TheDowagerDuchess · 07/11/2020 18:14

But obviously don’t go if covid restrictions don’t allow!

Italiangreyhound · 07/11/2020 18:17

This year I would use Covid. In future I'd just say that Boxing Day is part of Christmas and you are not free for birthday parties.

My kids were not born on special occasions but one is in the holidays. They always have to celebrate birthday at weekend, so only twice every 7 or so years is it on a weekend (e.g. not their actual birthday). And ds usually celebrates after the school hols with friends.

So your sister is wrong to assume you will be free on a Boxing day every year.

Readytogogogo · 07/11/2020 18:18

Since you asked, I think you're being pretty selfish. It's your six year olds nephews birthday - it should be about him, not you.

DelphiniumBlue · 07/11/2020 18:19

Depends. If no-one else goes and it's your family visit that makes it a party, then it might be disappointing for him if you don't go.
Do they live close? Can you say that due to other commitments ( in-laws)you'll be able to pop in at x o'clock ( time convenient for you) for an hour to see the birthday boy but that you won't be able to get there earlier.
Have you got children yourself, is that it makes it more fun for him if he's with other children? If so, then I'd suck it up, but time it so that it works better for you.

dementedpixie · 07/11/2020 18:21

I doubt any parties will be going ahead this year
Maybe go across with a present to hand over on the doorstep.

Italiangreyhound · 07/11/2020 18:22

I have only been to one of my nephew's birthday parties.

Your nephew's party will be all about him. but you don't need to be there for that to be the case. How many 5 or 6 year olds really care deeply which adults are present!

I'd much rather walk with my inlaws after a nice meal! Sadly, this year (due to Covid) we won't be doing that.

JillofTrades · 07/11/2020 18:23

I think you should change this now. Do you plan to do this forever? Does that mean in the future you can never travel or make plans because you have to hold that day free for them? Unfortunately for your nephew, his birthday falls on a day where everyone usually makes plans. I would stop this now. Use covid if you want and then set the tone going forward.

sapnupuas · 07/11/2020 18:26

Apart from not being given then time in advance, I think you're being unfair.

Tell your sister you need to know a time beforehand so you can plan your day.

If again she doesn't give you a time until the morning, and it genuinely conflicts with your plans, don't go. Don't just decide you're not going regardless as the only one that punishes is your nephew.

farandfew · 07/11/2020 18:27

It's not often that MN really shocks me but bloody hell, these responses. I would not miss my nephews' and nieces' birthdays for anything, if only we were allowed to see them. They specifically request to see us so yes they would notice. Can his birthday not become part of your Christmas traditions? How would he feel if he knew his auntie refused to go because it's a bit inconvenient and cuts short her walk? Just walk later. Unbelievable.

MrsPernicious · 07/11/2020 18:30

If all goes well, he will be allowed 6 people to his party.
If you are one of those six, bloody well go.

katy1213 · 07/11/2020 18:34

I can't imagine that a 6-year-old will care whether you're there or not; surely he'd sooner have a proper party with his friends?
But dropping in on a kids' bun-fight is surely something you'd only agree to if you had absolutely nothing else to do!

x2boys · 07/11/2020 18:35

Look it's shit having a birthday on boxing Day,it's my son's birthday and it always gets forgotten because of Xmas ( not from us )can you not just go for an hour ?

Italiangreyhound · 07/11/2020 18:35

The OP is celebrating with other relatives. It's not that she is just walking about in the area of the party and choosing not to go.

Don't feel pressurized into an event you won't enjoy just because he is your nephew. I would love to see my nephews, who are now adults, but I certainly was not expected to go to every birthday party!

pictish · 07/11/2020 18:37

I’m with you in the fuck that stakes. My son’s birthday is 20th December and we deal with it by having gifts, a slap up meal out and cake on the day then letting him organise a big day out and sleepover with friends at a later date...usually the Easter holidays.
No one is interested in kiddy birthday parties at Christmas...everyone is stressed out, spent out, tired out and otherwise occupied.
I’d never expect to own my extended family’s every Boxing Day on the strength of a birthday. Maybe that’s just me.

Italiangreyhound · 07/11/2020 18:37

How far is it from your in-laws to the nephew's party. If it is like a 5 minute drive you could drop in. My nephews are three hours away so that doesn't work! But even if it is 5 minutes you'd not be able to pop back to in-laws after seeing the kids due to Covid.

37weekswithno2 · 07/11/2020 18:40

I can't imagine not going to my nephews birthday party. I love him very much.

1Morewineplease · 07/11/2020 18:40

Tell her that you have Boxing Day with your in-laws , which is a perfectly acceptable excuse. Tell her that you'll pop in, later in the day.

Chickychoccyegg · 07/11/2020 18:42

Need a bit more info, do you have kids that he's close in age to, is it a party, or you and your family only? Covid may put a stop on it this yesr anyway.
Tell her you need to know the plans in plenty time, that you'll be at in laws at this time ect

NetflixWatcher · 07/11/2020 18:45

Perfect excuse this year OP I doubt we will be able to go in peoples houses by then.

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