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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - don’t want to go to Boxing Day birthday party

147 replies

joniesparkle · 07/11/2020 18:08

My nephew’s birthday is on Boxing Day, he’s going to be 6 this year. I’ve been to his birthday party (held on Boxing Day) every year since he was born, but it’s always a bit inconvenient - leaving Boxing Day lunch at in-laws early, cutting short out Boxing Day walk etc. The plan is always very disorganised - my sister doesn’t tell me a time to arrive until Boxing Day morning etc. And it’s never particularly enjoyable when I’m there - it’s clearly a chore for my sister and her husband is difficult, kids going crazy with overwhelming amount of presents etc. How can I gently tell her I don’t want to be there this year? I will of course get my nephew a gift as usual, and visit another day but I just don’t want to feel obliged to go every year? Any advice?? Am I being unreasonable? My sister is fiery and won’t take it well!

OP posts:
shesellsseashells99 · 07/11/2020 19:09

You could arrange to see your in-laws the day after boxing day?

user1487194234 · 07/11/2020 19:14

I would never miss a birthday party for any of my nieces/nephews but if you don't want to go then let your sister know ASAP

Didntgetmydiamondring · 07/11/2020 19:17

@Aquamarine1029

Your sister will have to get over it. Having a birthday party on Boxing Day is absurd and a proper pain in the arse. Stand up for yourself and do what you want to.
So the poor kid should never get to celebrate on his actual birthday? Confused It’s not like he’s ever going to be able to celebrate with school friends, so it would be nice if his family could be bothered.
GameSetMatch · 07/11/2020 19:34

Tell her you’ll pop by for an hour in the morning instead of the party because of covid you’d prefer not to be around so many children?

Calmandmeasured1 · 07/11/2020 20:15

'Sorry sis, no can do. We'll be at in-laws and it isn't fair to have to curtail plans with them every year. If it's okay with you I'll bring Dn's present over on.......or ......... Let me know what suits you.'

tempnamechange98765 · 07/11/2020 20:49

Your sister is unreasonable to not give you a time until the day - is it at her house?

However otherwise YABU, my DS' birthday is Boxing Day and it's shit. It's really hard to do anything special, and it's even harder to PLAN to do anything special. If your sister manages to arrange a party, I think you should make an appearance for her and your nephews sake.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 07/11/2020 20:54

I have never been to a niece or nephews birthday party, why do you have to?

fluffi · 07/11/2020 21:05

@joniesparkle What happens if you ask for time / details a few days before Boxing day?

thecatsthecats · 07/11/2020 21:20

Blimey, I don't think I saw an aunt or uncle on my birthday in all my life. Didn't scar me for life.

I'd have imagined a six year old would prefer the very small number of friends they're allowed by then than an aunt.

legalseagull · 07/11/2020 21:28

Just tell her you're spending Boxing Day with your in laws this year so aren't free

nosswith · 07/11/2020 21:28

Say no now as you don't know what the restrictions will be, and you are helping her to plan.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 07/11/2020 21:38

Just be honest... "sorry I don't want to cut my boxing day walk short for my nephew".

ISolemlySwearIAmUpToNoGood · 07/11/2020 21:51

I’ve been that 6 year old and it’s not great. I have a Boxing Day birthday and never got to spend it with my friends until I was 18. My parents always did their best to organise parties on another day with my school friends but with it being the Christmas period it was always difficult to organise and invariably very few would show up. I loved my actually birthday at home seeing all my family and on the alternate year that my auntie and uncles would go to their in laws it was never as good and very quiet. I’m an only child so maybe that played a part. I agree your sister could be more organised but I think your nephew will appreciate your presence more that you realise.

PeonyandDahlia · 07/11/2020 22:03

You are his aunt. Go to your poor nephews birthday party. He will be upset if you didn't. How would you feel if family couldn't be bothered to go to your child's party?

QueenArseClangers · 07/11/2020 22:40

Can you (Covid willing!) ) arrange to take him out for a day before he goes back to school in January?
It’ll give his mum a breather, albeit with her arse DH, and you get to spend one on one time together with DN.

HollaHolla · 07/11/2020 22:55

You do know you shouldn’t be visiting another house? There’s a little thing called COVID going about.

Calmandmeasured1 · 07/11/2020 23:37

@HollaHolla

You do know you shouldn’t be visiting another house? There’s a little thing called COVID going about.
The current rules are in force until Wed Dec 2nd and we will then be placed into tiers depending on rates in our areas. The OP doesn't know what the situation will be on Boxing day ...and neither do you.

HollaHolla · 07/11/2020 23:41

@Calmandmeasured1I’m in Scotland. We have no expectations that the not visiting thing will change. It’s been in place since before beginning Nov. Don’t assume everyone lives under the same restrictions as you. Wales & N Ireland have hD similar restrictions for just as long.....
I fully expect to be home alone for Xmas, sadly.

Thesunrising · 08/11/2020 00:02

This sounds like it’s become an obligation, not a celebration. Time to do something different this year. Send a nice pressie. Don’t dwell on it - your 6 year old nephew won’t.

minipie · 08/11/2020 00:07

Honestly OP I think this is the one year you really should go.

First, there’s only a few years where birthday parties are really important to kids. 6 is one of them.

Second, covid. Everything’s been cancelled, everything’s been shit. He won’t be able to have a big party with friends. Family is his best option.

Go this year. From age 7 or 8 onwards it will be less important for him to have you there. You can say that you think this might be the last year you can come, if you want.

BlueThistles · 08/11/2020 00:39

Relax enjoy your Boxing Day.. the kid won't care either way.. Flowers

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 08/11/2020 02:56

I think you're being mean.
Poor boy is 6.. It's been a shit year for kids especially.
"Oh it'll ruin my walk..." crikey how sad.
Get a grip. Tell her you'll be there at 3pm or whatever, do an hour, leave and continue your day.

Selfcarequeereyestyle · 08/11/2020 06:42

You need to agree the time before the day and do your best to go.
Christmas birthdays are so hard. My DD has a Boxing Day birthday and although she has a birthday party with friends prior to term breaking up we really try and make a distinction for her between Christmas and her birthday.
Most other kids will get to have their party on their actual birthday a couple of times not Boxing Day people!
Most other kids wouldn’t get joint birthday and Christmas presents, or birthday presents wrapped in Christmas paper.
I don’t however insist that the whole family gather but which ever half have been staying with us know that Boxing Day is the family
Birthday party (my other child also has a school birthday party and a family birthday party). She also has lovely godparents who ensure to visit between Christmas and NY to make her feel special- it helps that one of them has a Christmas birthday so they get it!

Wiredforsound · 08/11/2020 06:48

Keep quiet about it and then when she mentions it just say airily, “We’ll pop over about 4 or so to wish happy birthday and give him his gift”.

Mintjulia · 08/11/2020 06:53

It sounds like your sister needs your moral support. Why don't you offer to host the party at yours this time.

You'll be in control, you could have a brunch party, the DCs might benefit from a change of scene, your bil might behave better in someone else's house and you can send them away at 1.30 and go for your walk in peace.