Wow! A lot of lenient parents on this thread in my opinion!
This is the SECOND time he's pulled this shit, you admit you "aren't the strictest" well you reap what you sow!
Personally if I were you:
Grounded for rest of term - grounded means NO communication outside of school with friends, NO pocket money, NO treats, NO Tech except for homework and I'd be sitting right next to him when he did it too!
He should be doing chores at home anyway at his age as part of a functioning family but I'd be adding some on the basis of "idle hands..."
To be honest
IF the bullied child genuinely agrees (as could make things worse for them with your sons allies being just as bad) then I think a PUBLIC apology should be considered - seeing as the bad behaviour was so public and humiliating AND because your son needs to learn some bloody humility!
I'd set him to writing an essay about the effects of bullying on victims and why it's a completely unacceptable thing to do, including an explanation of why he targeted this particular kid. That will give you an understanding of how he views others and what traits he sees as "less worthy"
Phone GONE until next autumn at least - not even kidding! He's PROVEN repeatedly he cannot use it responsibly, you've already tried monitoring and restricting his use which hasn't worked he CANNOT be trusted to have one therefore he doesn't! At this point I'd be sorely tempted (depending on type of phone and contract etc) to even suggest the possibility of selling it to pay for the other lads blazer, which yes either way he should be paying for. When he does get to have a phone again it's a dumb one to start with as even with that there's potential for misuse and he needs to prove he is trustworthy.
Regular and ongoing discussions with him about empathy, kindness and treating others respectfully no matter what!
"Practical jokes" I have never felt are funny as they are ALWAYS at someone else's expense. You need to address his sense of humour and "course correct" him. Making fun of himself is one thing you NEVER make fun of others.
He sounds of the most cowardly type of bully as he's trying to disguise it as "humour"
I might take his blazer off him until he had earned enough to pay the other child’s new blazer I like this suggestion if it's going to take a while to pay for other child's blazer if you (as a family) cannot afford to do so right now.
I'd also be seriously considering restricting his friendships with the "Eggers on" long term! Talk to him about choosing decent people as friends.
seems the tears this morning were of the crocodile variety! You'll HAVE to keep on top of this or you're going to potentially have a very nasty young man on your hands!
His attitude generally stinks!
You've wasted your money because im not wearing it
I raised dd alone and frankly if she'd EVER come out with a comment like that she'd had been grounded for a week and she knew it!
I'm afraid you (plural) seem to have raised a spoiled, entitled and aggressive child there! His start in life is a small part of who he is now. You already knew he paid little heed to your or to school discipline and to be perfectly honest you should have addressed that much sooner, but you are where you are.
Now you're going to have to work harder than you would have to set him on the right path
we have always always stuck to the consequences and saw them through so I have no idea why hes not worried
I'm thinking perhaps because the consequences were not that bad as far as he was concerned (different kids value different things, my dd is a total Luddite for her generation and couldn't care less about tech, but hates being cooped up and needs fresh air twice a day or gets antsy, therefore grounding is her idea of hell but confiscating phone water off a ducks back! If she was grounded she still got her fresh air - just with my delightful company rather than her friends) and/or perhaps weren't for long enough?
The suggestion upthread of consequences lasting only a week for this are frankly laughable!!
How long ago was the last incident you knew of and how long did the consequences you gave last then?
Kids need things to be clear, consistent and definite! No ifs buts or maybes!
Eg my own dd had some new friends she made in high school comment to her that they thought I rarely said "no", dd and her friends that had known us both far longer pointed out that Dd simply knew better than to ask certain questions because she knew already from experience that:
The question/thing she was asking for would be met with a "no"
That when I said "no" I always meant it (started that literally as soon as she could understand the word no as a small child, you have to start early. Not just because of discipline but children are far more secure with clear known boundaries)
That if I said "no" and she pushed her luck, either conversationally or in her actions there were always consequences. What they were depended on the nature and seriousness of the infraction.
The reason it came up was they were trying to persuade her to break curfew which was a BIG "no" with me (mainly as it's a safety issue as we unfortunately live in a pretty rough area)
Dd and her old friends were to the new friends: "no way! You don't know graphista! Dd even 5 mins past curfew and doesn't even call her mum will be grounded for a month and grounded means grounded at hers! We wouldn't even be able to speak to her outside of school"
But here's the really interesting part. When dd reaches later teen stage she had more freedom than a lot of her friends with supposedly more lenient parents. Why? Because I could trust dd. I'd "drummed into her" what I considered acceptable behaviour so she knew clearly what she could and couldn't get away with and knew to stick to it. The other kids (not all a few had similar parenting to dd and they were her closest friends) were confused because their parents would frequently move the goal posts, rant and rave but not actually DO anything, say they were grounded for a week one day, then 2 days later "let them off" etc so they did what teens do and pushed boundaries.
Dd did too but she was careful on which ones she chose the ones she KNEW I was less concerned with and knew clearly which ones I'd come down on her like a ton of bricks for! (Like curfew)
Sometimes too a consequence needs to be over a length of time because it means each day it's essentially being repeated. Each day the child is being reminded and taught that their behaviour was unacceptable and has led to a negative impact on them and is best avoided!
Some on mn seem averse to the idea of "punishment" well that's how people, including children, learn some things! The same is true for adults - it's called a legal system - because people don't always decide their behaviour on it being a good thing to do but because they don't want to get in trouble! It's also used to encourage good behaviour that overall protects them - eg seatbelt laws.
He needs "retrained" he's off course, he's losing touch with the empathy he had when younger and needs to rediscover it and also learn - once and for all - that you and his father will not stand for such behaviour, that you expect better from him.
That's why you need to strip everything back. The problem with social media is there's a distance, there, people on it are at least one step removed from the people they're influencing, disparaging and even abusing. So removing the tech for a decent period of time will force him to only engage with people on a personal and ACCOUNTABLE level.
Back to basics!
Good luck with it all op it's a tough position you're in but I think you and dh also need to acknowledge your part in this insofar as even though you knew he had these tendencies you didn't properly address it earlier. A hard lesson for you all.