To wonder if most men are only as faithful as their options?

[Cara1986]

Just that really.. not a current issue for me in the present moment but have experienced it in the past and now have friends going through it, and see the constant posts on here too.. seems to be the case?

Are most men only as faithful as the options presented to them? Are men who would turn down a very attractive/fun/interesting/interested woman hitting on them (when they aren't free and single) in the minority?

I know many men may not go chasing for it, but I wonder if it's a much smaller percentage who would actively turn it down if it was handed to them on a plate.

Yanbu! But maybe women would be the same too if they had someone like that vying for their attention.

YANBU I agree! Honestly, 99 percent of men fall into this category I believe lol

YANBU

YADNBU

Can't speak for 'most men' but I am a man and have never cheated, even when advances were made on me. The most I've ever done is flirt and even then felt foolish afterward. Not only have I not cheated but I have also had friends' girlfriends 'offer it on a plate' on a couple of occasions (both of who were very attractive) when I was single and didn't succumb. Out of all of my male friends, I only know of one having been unfaithful and it is not a socially acceptable thing in any of my circles.

I think that as @TweetyPeas says everyone is an individual and can't be categorised in a simple way like this.

I also think that for some people it's just circumstance. I work away often (pre-covid) and it's a relatively male-dominated industry. I've watched as men who I'd say were relatively nice people have had illicit encounters in shady little corners simply because it's there, available. You can't always predict it.

"I only know of one having been unfaithful and it is not a socially acceptable thing in any of my circles"

Could that be that they don't admit to it because it isn't acceptable? Or the friendship group means so much to them?

Ime, most men would cheat if they could. I know of stag etc parties, all married/partners, who have come back from holidays with STIs. I've been shocked by who I've been chatted up by and now my DD's are finding the same.

Contrary to some smug people's beliefs you can't tell who will be faithful, good partners or good parents. Only time will tell.

YABU.

What I think people who throw out these generalised statements seem to be forgetting is that these men cheat with someone, so if that applies to men then surely it applies to women as well? And yet everyone is individual and infidelity is fairly publicly frowned upon, so it’s not as if men would do it because it’s seen as the accepted norm.

TBH I know far more women who have cheated than men.

But equally no-one knows what goes on in someone else’s marriage. We hear about men who have cheated from the posters on here. If a woman posts on here that her DH is faithful she is invariably told that she is delusional and that she is just being smug but to not get too comfortable because it’s only a matter of time. So you only hear about the marriages where the man has cheated.

Also, it’s possible never to know. My parents had friends years back where it eventually emerged the wife had been having an affair for years, and no-one ever had any idea.

What a horrible experience of men you must have. They are people with varying morals just as women are. There’s quite a few women who are less than steadfast too.

I know very few men who would want to be unfaithful. Most are loyal and dependable, but sadly that’s not the message that MN gives as those who’ve suffered from philanderers are more likely to comment about relationships.

@Ponoka7

Yes, it's possible they've kept it to themselves but if so they've done a very good job of keeping it secret. It's also possible that my friends are all atypical in some way.

YADNBU!!

So,so many do.
Even more would, if they could.
Plus all the women (girls) on web.
Greedy MF’s.

YABU sweeping generalisation.

I'm of the opinion that he majority of men are faithful in the face of temptation, but I don't know how big that majority is!

There are always going to be people of both sexes who are more highly sexed than others and whose boundaries are looser. Its the ones who lie and act well to cover it up you have to watch.

Ones like that police officer recently convicted of the manslaughter of his lover, who was labelled a "man whore".

A lot of men just don't want to be like that. Never mind societal pressures (I'm guessing that in most social circles a man who regularly cheated on his partners and turned up with new ones and was known for trying it on) would be unpopular, so would have to either lead a very segmented life or be single. A lot of people couldn't be bothered.

But there's always going to be a certain segment who say "yes" to an offer. Personally, I think it's often accompanied by other boundary pushing behaviour - not holding down a steady job/career or self-employment (of all the men with partners that have tried on with me, every single one has been self employed), poor timekeeping, inability to follow rules in general.

My DP has a story about a very drunk girl (neighbour in block of flats) getting very drunk and getting into bed with him, when he was single. He didn't take advantage because she was drunk, And I don't think he was attracted to her anyway. The way he told the story told me everything I needed to know about his values.
I don't think anyone is completely cheat proof through. I trust him but know that it could happen to anyone certain circumstances.

My husband is faithful because it’s who he is. I trust him 100%.

And I’m telling you I’m no naive idiot. I’ve been with other men who would shag anyone given half the chance (unsurprisingly they didn’t last long).

I’m fat, not especially attractive. Horrid teeth. My husband is 6ft and generally accepted to be very attractive. Women often come on to him and have IN FRONT of me.

He actually called one out once (I wasn’t there but heard from a friend). He loves me, his family and his simple life. He’s not interested in other women.

I think men and women who have a very high sex drive are more likely to cheat if they have an opportunity and are unlikely to be caught. It is not so much to do with morals but their genes, in other words they can't help themselves and it is not a reflection on their relationship, if they have one.

YABU
Terrible sweeping statements based on your bad experiences.

My friend has had a boyfriend cheat on her. By PPs reckoning, she could therefore narrow her statement down to ‘all black men cheat’. Would that be ok or would everyone say what a horrible generalisation that was?
Hate threads like this with simmering misandry.

I know a few women that have cheated and ended their marriages to start with new man.
Although reading some of the threads some men (at least on the threads) appear to ask for space and thinking time when they are weighing up options about whether to stick with wife or move in with new person. It would appear (IMO) that some men no matter how unhappy wouldn't leave unless they have a back up person since don't want to be alone. Women (IMO and experience) have ended marriages and don't have someone waiting in the wings.

There are of course people who just cannot be on their own - both men and women and so will stay with partner despite being very unhappy rather than be on there own. Settling and then feeling resentful seems a real shame and waste of life.

their not there!

YANBU. Maybe I’ve just had bad luck but I’ve been cheated on by every partner. All the men that asked me out when I was single turned out to be in a relationship (when I dug around). I genuinely believe the majority (a high majority at that) would cheat if they got the opportunity. I’ve never even KNOWN a man who could possibly change my mind.

Maybe I’ve just really lucked out, but the men I’m closest to in my life - my husband, dad, brother and brother in law - have had plenty of opportunities to cheat in their lives (all are attractive, successful, charming men who have jobs which require them to work away from home sometimes) and they’re all absolutely committed family men with totally sound morals who adore their wives and families and simply wouldn’t consider infidelity.

I know some posters will ask ‘how do you know?’ and insinuate that they could all be duplicitous liars without there being any clue, and I understand that those sentiments often come from a place of hurt over past betrayals. People who have been cheated on understandably find it very hard to trust again. But I think you can know a person, and I know that these men are not the types who would ever be unfaithful no matter how easy it was for them to be so.

NO..I think also it is a thing from their upbringing.If they are brought up to respect women and have values and morals and standards then they have no natural desire to hurt their partners. I know my dh would leave first if things went so badly that marriage to me was not an option anymore for him,he would really not go feathering his nest and organizing a replacement for me whilst still living with me,he would do the decent thing first by closing down our relationship and homelife together then he would move on when it was all sorted...I would do the same.

I know quite a few men that have cheated and their wives have no idea and I dont disbelieve they love them but maybe it's not enough and they are not the type you would expect but also know a few women who have cheated. Not much surprises me, however there are a few people I would struggle to believe would ever cheat and would astounded should they.

I think @Spaceman1 has it correct.

he didn't take advantage because she was drunk, And I don't think he was attracted to her anyway. The way he told the story told me everything I needed to know about his values

Well not really, if he wasn't attracted to her anyway, you haven't really established anything about his values from that experience