To wonder if most men are only as faithful as their options?

[Cara1986]

Just that really.. not a current issue for me in the present moment but have experienced it in the past and now have friends going through it, and see the constant posts on here too.. seems to be the case?

Are most men only as faithful as the options presented to them? Are men who would turn down a very attractive/fun/interesting/interested woman hitting on them (when they aren't free and single) in the minority?

I know many men may not go chasing for it, but I wonder if it's a much smaller percentage who would actively turn it down if it was handed to them on a plate.

For every man who cheats there's a woman who he's cheating with and either all women are extremely naïve or most know they're cheating.

As a previous poster (PoklingtonP) says for many men its just as unacceptable to them as to the women on MN.

Yanbu. Since becoming a single parent a few years go I have been shocked by how many men are lurking on dating apps etc despite being in relationships. Sometimes they only show a photo etc once you get chatting, under the guise of 'crazy ex wife' etc so can't have a public photo.

Ive also been contacted by exes who are now in relationships but would happily cheat

I think men will stay in dead relationships out of obligation, but will find sex and romance elsewhere, if they can!!! I can't stand it.

@PoklingtonP

Can't speak for 'most men' but I am a man and have never cheated, even when advances were made on me. The most I've ever done is flirt and even then felt foolish afterward. Not only have I not cheated but I have also had friends' girlfriends 'offer it on a plate' on a couple of occasions (both of who were very attractive) when I was single and didn't succumb. Out of all of my male friends, I only know of one having been unfaithful and it is not a socially acceptable thing in any of my circles.

A great post, thank you. I’d like to think that there are many more like yourself, and that the stereotype is created by fiction rather than fact. 🙂👍🏻

I think a lot of people who have cheated and those been cheated on would prefer it if that outcome could be considered inevitable and that others would find themselves in the same situation under the pressure or the same circumstances.

I am a man. Not all of us are as the OP suggests. Just because I used to be a left winger on the football field does not mean I behave like Ryan Giggs off it.

I could be tempted if Kylie Minogue is reading this.

I actually think women are more likely to cheat, firstly because of biology (wouldnt it make sense to want to have a wide gene pool of men to procreate with) and secondly because I think there are way way more women who have been neglected by their partners, than there are men neglected by theirs.

I think you HEAR about women cheating less for three reasons. Firstly I think women have less of the overconfidence that would make them clumsy and found out. Secondly, less likely for it to be discussed because theres more stigma surrounding cheating women than cheating men. And finally because women still have less opportunity to cheat as they are still often tied to the home more than their working partners.

@LindaEllen

I think this goes for many, many things - not just cheating. You can never sure how you or your partner will react, until you're in a position of being in that situation. Like, you might say you'd never move house - but what if you find a house that completely blows you away that you can afford? You might say you're 100% loyal to your company, but what about when a more successful company offers you a better position, closer to home, for more pay and less hours?

Same in relationships. You might think you or your partner would never cheat, but you never know - you never think it could happen to your relationship! - until you're faced with it.

Sometimes the spark fades in a relationship and you meet someone and end up falling for them without meaning to. I also think in the days of social media it's far too easy to contact people and to let situations escalate, that probably wouldn't have in the past.

So everyone here can say my husband and I would NEVER cheat as much as they want.. but you'll only think that until it happens.

Well I know for certain that I would NEVER EVER cheat so keep your opinions to yourself.

I believe totally in marriage and fidelity. I think infidelity is wrong, totally wrong and pretty disgusting really. I love, like and respect my husband so would never ever do that to him. If I did not like, love and respect him we would split up.

I also truly believe that he would never ever cheat on me. We have more or less the same values and beliefs. I know him inside out, I can almost tell what he is thinking.

We are both terrible at lying. I can't even lie about how much something cost and the couple of times I have I have had to tell him the truth (not that he cares). I would never sleep if I did something so awful as to be unfaithful.

In our 40 years of marriage I know a couple of woman have literally offered him sex. He works in people's houses and says himself he has come across quite a few sad women. He makes it clear he is not interested and if they don't get the message he stops working there.

Plenty of men and women have morals. Affairs don't just happen despite some seeming to think they do. Your words "end up falling for them without meaning to" are pathetic. Unless you find your clothes flying off by magic and some how ending up naked with someone of the opposite sex it is always possible not to cheat

@CrotchBurn

I actually think women are more likely to cheat, firstly because of biology (wouldnt it make sense to want to have a wide gene pool of men to procreate with) and secondly because I think there are way way more women who have been neglected by their partners, than there are men neglected by theirs.

I think you HEAR about women cheating less for three reasons. Firstly I think women have less of the overconfidence that would make them clumsy and found out. Secondly, less likely for it to be discussed because theres more stigma surrounding cheating women than cheating men. And finally because women still have less opportunity to cheat as they are still often tied to the home more than their working partners.

I don't know about more likely, but I do think that there's a type of person who's more disposed to cheat, and it's possible to read the signs. My best female friend is not faithful to male partners but is fanatical about her female friends. My husband's friend is a serial cheat and his partner knows it because she was the one he was shagging when he was with his last fiance.

I don't know why people insist that it's impossible to be a good judge of character and pick a faithful character for your partner. That's just a talent some people have and develop.

I think some people are comforted by the idea that it's impossible to discern a good character because it absolves them of admitting that they don't have that talent.

My dad is pathologically nice. He is the sort of person who leaves items in charity shops because someone else might need it. He'll go out of his way for anyone. He counsels both of us daughters to protect our marriages because he takes our commitments seriously. He would have almost certainly benefited himself by leaving my mum, who's a handful. It would be IMPOSSIBLE for him to cheat, unless he sustained some brain damage changing his personality.

I think upbringing and your core values are important. Our extended family isn’t religious, has wide-ranging looks and income and opportunities to be faithless, but none of us have.
So that’s five older couples, nine of my generation and so far three couples of our offspring.
Perhaps we pick well? Are lucky? Believe in commitment?
No idea, but no unfaithfulness on anyone’s part, and no sour, abusive relationships either.

@WitchFindersAreEverywhere

I think upbringing and your core values are important. Our extended family isn’t religious, has wide-ranging looks and income and opportunities to be faithless, but none of us have. So that’s five older couples, nine of my generation and so far three couples of our offspring. Perhaps we pick well? Are lucky? Believe in commitment? No idea, but no unfaithfulness on anyone’s part, and no sour, abusive relationships either.

The example set by parents is so important, and not just values. My husband is incredibly like my dad in many ways. My dad - as described above - is a very loyal softie.

So perhaps to modify my argument above, we are all good at identifying people to repeat the pattern set in childhood. (Having said that, my sister married a twat, so who knows).

Though tbh to a large extent this Daily Mash article nails it: www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/relationships/all-men-are-twats-says-woman-exclusively-attracted-to-twats-20181112179261

No. If a relationship is right, a man will not stray. Why would he when he has all he needs at home?

@ConcreteUnderpants
Misandry is a word made up by men who don't like being called on their shit. Don't encourage them.

@MiaMarshmallows

Nice victim blaming there

@MiaMarshmallows because he can, because it seems exciting, because he wants to have his cake and eat it too, because it boosts his ego, because he is thinking with his apendage...many reasons.

A quick Google search brought up the following interesting study:

ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america

According to this, men are more likely to cheat on their spouses than women (20% to 13%) but interestingly enough women between the ages of 18 - 29 were actually slightly more likely than men to cheat. After that, men become more likely to cheat but the difference is a matter of 2 or 3 percentage points until the age of 50 when the gap between men and women opens up.

The good news though is that if this study is to be believed then the majority of people do not cheat on their spouses (although 20% is obviously still a significant proportion). Of course, it's possible that looking at cheating outside of marriage might change that picture. Also worth noting it was done in the US there may be cultural differences etc... which may make cheating more or less like my than here.

"No. If a relationship is right, a man will not stray. Why would he when he has all he needs at home?"

.... seriously

Tim Minchin’s ‘I’ll take lonely tonight]]

If a relationship is right, a man will not stray.

No. If he thinks he can get his cock in somewhere, he will. Trust me.

How many women do we see on MN who had no idea there was anything wrong with their relationship until they discovered their man was putting it about? They weren't wrong. The relationship was fine but the man was a man and that's what they do if they get the chance. You might get the odd one with genuine commitment to fidelity but they're the exceptions. In fact, I've never met one and I'm over sixty.

Ah the Chris Rock quote

Yes I believe the majority of men if sex strings sex is on offer most will take it up

Maybe not when they are in the throws of a new relationship but once it gets comfortable majority want something a little different

Women not so much

Of course this is difficult for women to accept especially when we are in good relationships but it’s about sex not a an emotional attachment

No strings sex not strings sex

Not my experience at all. Choose the right man in the first place!

Not everyone is talking about their personal experience or base their opinion on their own experience. I’ve cheated and had had one partner that I know cheated not all have I suspected one other has

It’s what they know about the men in their lives - family, friends, friends of friends or who they work with

how interesting can someone you've just met really be compared to someone you are in love with?
I dont think men are programmed to cheat at all. I think there are shitty insecure men out there who want constant reassurance they are attractive. And there are men who are just narcissists who think they can do as they please regardless of whom it hurts. I dont think its the majority tho.
I'd honestly be very surprised if my husband ever cheated on me... you can never really know for sure can you... maybe in the right circumstance... but I've known him a long time, ten years as a friend before we even got together... and isaw him in other relationships... its not something he'd really be in to I dont think.

It also depends on what's considered cheating by both the men ( and women ) and the partner involved . Ie going to a strip joint and getting a lap dance might be ok in mans eyes but not his partners ?
Having video sex with strangers online might cross the line for some and be viewed as normal behaviour by others . Self pleasure with other people via text/chat rooms etc the list goes on.

I'm of the opinion that it's a couple's responsibility to each other to outline behaviour that each find acceptable and what they find unacceptable and to communicate it to each other before events get to the stage that someone is hurt.