DSS has announced a Christmas list after we've already finished shopping. AIBU

[Gertr]

To not spend a load of money on more presents - even though that will mean he probably won't have anything from his list?

After him saying he didn't know what he wanted for Christmas apart from one small thing we used our initiative and bought things we were sure he would love.

His mum has told us what she has got him and he's going to be thrilled with that. He he has some nice gifts.

All of the Christmas shopping is finished now, presents wrapped and put away.

We had the DSC today and DSS (10) said he's going to write a list for what he wants for Christmas...

WWYD? We're not flush.

@DaddysGirlForLife

I would tell him there's no need for a list as you've bought some presents already that you are sure he's going to like.

Remind him that you did ask for a list but he didn't prepare one. Hopefully it'll be a lesson learnt for next year.

Oh no come on! Its a kid and its Christmas - which is still six weeks off. Thats a long time for the average kid. Hes probably only starting to get excited and think about it now. Dont punish him for the OP being too quick off the mark - hes not in the army you know. This is really joyless and horrible advice. What lesson exactly is he going to learn - that any gift is going to a really regimented and joyless experience confined to listmaking and deadlines?

What! It's only just November and you've bought and wrapped everything!? Yes YABU. No reason a child should be organised enough to think this far in advance.
Return what you got and replace with what Dc has asked for (within reason).

YABU. As nice as these gifts you’ve bought are, they’re not what he really wants. It’s far too early to have bought, wrapped and finished presents when you have children; you should have waited for his list.

Continually telling him throughout the year you wanted to be prepared so he needed to tell you isn’t on; he’s a child, and he’s only just started thinking about Christmas.

You need to return the gifts you’ve bought and buy off his list.

I'm sorry but I cannot think of any reason unless it's job related that you would have your Xmas presents bought and wrapped by 1st November Understand for older family members but children it's just bizarre

This is just silly. Return / exchange.

To be fair to him Christmas is a few weeks off yet. You shouldn't have shopped so early and waited til he'd decided what he wanted. That said he should be grateful to receive what he does

I’ve done this before and my children were too excited and happy on Christmas Day to consider the fact that the presents they received didn’t match the list.

Are the things on the list things you think he’s been hankering after? It doesn’t particularly sound like it. You’d asked him before and he didn’t know. So he’s enjoyed making a list because that’s a fun thing to do, and not necessarily because those are things he wants above all else.

Are the things on the list in any way similar? Did he ask for toys and is getting toys? My children are grown up now, but it would have mattered a lot more if I’d got the wrong computer games than if a list of toys had really matched up. And that’s because if they want a computer game, they’re more likely to have researched, rather than sat down and vaguely thought “what shall I write on this list?”

Marginally more complicated as he’s your step son. What does his dad think?

I honestly think this year is going to be difficult already and those telling you to exchange everything are being a bit unreasonable. If you’re pretty sure you know him well enough to have bought things you know he’ll like, I wouldn’t worry.

Oh and... good on you for being organized. I hate last minute shopping and this year it will potentially be either impossible or unnecessarily risky. I can only imagine all those saying you’re terrible for being organized are the same people I saw on here earlier in the year ridiculing the careful preppers... who were then realised to have been very sensible getting things in gradually at an early stage in a way that wasn’t disruptive.

I work doing deliveries, we're expecting it to be complete madness this year... we've been as busy as the average Christmas since March, so when it gets even busier I have no idea how we're going to cope.
Buying earlier than in a normal year is something I'm encouraging everyone I know to do, so it is totally reasonable to have done the vast majority of your shopping already.

However, to a 10 year old Christmas still feels like it's years away so it's not unreasonable of him to think that a list is still ok.

I'd wait and see what he puts down and then swap one thing for something off the list... You might find you've already got it covered though!

You don't have to buy the whole list. It's a list of suggestions for FC to choose from.

You already have one thing he wants. One more should do it but don't spend more than on the others. At 10 he knows there's no FC - explain times are hard this year.

Wait for the list and see what's on there, don't panic yet.

I'd return what you can and get him a couple of things off the list. Not the whole list, clearly, if it's expensive things. Surely his mum is getting him some things as well? Can you split the list with her?

As a child, I remember asking for a pony, a tree-house and a swimming-pool for Christmas. Oh, and I remember aged 8 asking Santa to take my annoying brother away for 'slave labour' at the North Pole. Don't remember being all that upset when (surprisingly) none of those things materialised.

Smug shopper 🤣 that made me laugh. It means you smugly got all ahead of yourself thinking you were done for Xmas in November. Hilarious! Sorry OP but your predicament has really made my day on a day of real crap going on in the world. And you wrapped them! That’s so funny. Who wraps at the beginning of November!! Hahaha! Just what I needed. You got caught out!

Gross, imagine being so gleeful and opening sneering at someone’s good intentions not planning out as they hoped, she’s tried to be organised presumably because of this second lockdown and fears over deliveries being insane and money not being flowing this year! Grow up.

@Gertr I’ve bought all mine this year already for the same reasons as you, I’m worried about how lockdown will affect Christmas shopping and money is tight also. I’m planning on wrapping them this weekend whilst the kids are at their dads, I’ve picked a few things off my eldests (9) list and got him things I know he’ll love and picked the 3 and 1 year olds stuff myself. This is easily fixed just unwrap a couple and exchange them for some of the things on his list or if you can free up say £50 between now and the week before Christmas and go and get something off the list then.

Others have suggested asking family or friends to get something off his list, I do this every year! It lightens the load especially if something is pricey my siblings often club together an buy joint ‘bigger’ gifts for my kids etc.

You’ve not done anything wrong here by trying to plan ahead for Christmas and you’re certainly not ‘smug’ between you and his mum and getting double presents and double Christmas I hardly think he’ll be going without!

As a child my favourite gifts were always the gifts I never asked for ☺️

I forecast OP's problem on this thread. (?almost) No one agreed with me that it was a very risky strategy to buy too soon. People shouldn't be encouraged to buy very early.

I still don't know what I want for Christmas.

I would just give him what you’ve already bought. Hopefully he will be excited by his presents and not too disappointed. I also hold off on Christmas shopping as they usually release loads of new toys in the run-up to Christmas, so I wait to see what the shops have in. Kids get bombarded with adverts for the new toys.

I've bought and wrapped all of my Christmas presents. I just ask my kids early on what they would like if it's anything extra and not to much I'd buy it. Especially with everything going on this year I wanted to be organised not knowing where would be open for shopping.

I'm really truely shocked at your attitude. It's only 5th November. He said he didn't know what he wanted. It's good you are organised and purchased and wrapped.

But if your mindset is so uncompromising that you have to ask MN? And it didn't occur you to you naturally that we can all bend,wiggle and adjust. Then I think you have bigger problems than just Christmas presents.

I would stick with what you’ve bought, letters to Santa aren’t and order and I bet he’ll love what you’ve got already.

I am in awe of OP's organisational skills! Nothing but respect from me

I also agree that if you've chosen fun things he will enjoy, don't worry about the list. It's likely that he will have forgotten/changed his mind in the next few weeks or be equally pleased with what you chose in the excitement of Christmas Day.

I like PP's suggestion of seeing it as a fun activity for him to write the list, not something that needs to be adhered to.

In any case, there may be similar things to what you've chosen/suggestions you can pass on to family members/a token cheap thing you can add

@NeonGenesis

If it were me I'd just say that you've already bought his presents. He's 10, not 3.

Am I a mean mum?

My daughters 9 and I wouldn’t have that approach but we all parent different and it doesn’t make you mean.

Honestly I get it op. I don't know how people manage to shop and wrap well in advance of Christmas. I always end up doing it in December. The one year I tried to be organised a similar thing happened with every bloody person in the family - sister announced she wanted money towards something, mother presented me with a list of make-up/skincare she'd run out of, father sent me a link to something he wanted online - of course none of it was what I'd already bought! I did keep most of it and use as birthday presents for the year but it was a pain in the arse and I didn't bother trying to get organised ever again! I'm baffled when people tell me they do their shopping early - how?!

I'd wait for the list. You may find some things are similar. You may find a lot of things are too expensive. In the end you will probably end up swapping out your expensive gift with his via an exchange. While he is writing his list, or when he gives you it, remind him Santa doesn't get EVERYTHING on this list and that it is an ideas list, not a set of demands!

@LastGoldenDaysOfSummer

You don't have to buy the whole list. It's a list of suggestions for FC to choose from.

You already have one thing he wants. One more should do it but don't spend more than on the others. At 10 he knows there's no FC - explain times are hard this year.

Plenty of 10 year olds still believe in Santa. This could be his last year. Stop making kids grow up so quick. They are only kids once.

@Muchadoaboutlife

Smug shopper 🤣 that made me laugh. It means you smugly got all ahead of yourself thinking you were done for Xmas in November. Hilarious! Sorry OP but your predicament has really made my day on a day of real crap going on in the world. And you wrapped them! That’s so funny. Who wraps at the beginning of November!! Hahaha! Just what I needed. You got caught out!

why are you enjoying someone’s worry? 🙄

Aww mate, what a ‘mare. DD did similar to me once, asking for a particular thing on Xmas Eve. Thankfully I was able to zoom to Sainsbury’s to get it (and it was a cheap thing). DSD did it once as well but it was v expensive and she didn’t get it - the world didn’t end and whilst things were a little fraught for a week or so, it was soon forgotten.

I’d wait until you see the list - or even try to manipulate it a bit - comment on ‘something cool you saw in the shops’ (something you’ve bought) and see if he adds it to the list.