DSS has announced a Christmas list after we've already finished shopping. AIBU

[Gertr]

To not spend a load of money on more presents - even though that will mean he probably won't have anything from his list?

After him saying he didn't know what he wanted for Christmas apart from one small thing we used our initiative and bought things we were sure he would love.

His mum has told us what she has got him and he's going to be thrilled with that. He he has some nice gifts.

All of the Christmas shopping is finished now, presents wrapped and put away.

We had the DSC today and DSS (10) said he's going to write a list for what he wants for Christmas...

WWYD? We're not flush.

I posted the other day on AIBU asking why people did their christmas shopping so early and what if people change their minds or don't know what they want in November. I'd say 85-90% of respondents said I was BU and they always have all shopping done and wrapped by now etc and it's better to be organised. It's like it's some kind of race to spend your money and get everything bought on "stuff" even if it means buying things that the recipient would necessarily like.

On this thread everyone seems to be saying the opposite !

Feel a bit sorry for you OP especially if finances are tight and I don't think kids should necessarily call the shots and get everything they want.

The poster who said that presenting buying should be about giving something the recipient likes rather than a chore to get out of the way really hit the nail on the head though.

@NeonGenesis

If it were me I'd just say that you've already bought his presents. He's 10, not 3.

Am I a mean mum?

Then I am too. It's the thought that counts . I'd say that you have already got the presents and you think that he will really like them. Christmas is a special time, I'm sure he will like what you got him and it's more about spending the time together than getting everything off a list.

I've already done my shopping too, this is a funny year and I wanted to get organised. Previous years I've been caught out with online shopping getting very busy towards Christmas. This year we have no idea if the non-essential shops will definitely reopen on 2nd December.

@mam0918

when people say you cant buy before december because you wont know what they like - it such a bizaare excuse people who leave stuff until the last minute love to make but its simply not true.

A bookworm wont suddenly become a football fanatic or a gamer wont suddenly become an outdoor adventurer etc... and even if they are growing and switching it takes time (say an adventerous child is getting into football everything doesnt switch instantly the new hobby takes time to grow and permiate, if you rush out and buy stuff at the first mention you'll end up with spur of the moment tat from a fad that lasted 10 minutes because the other kids where doing it) you should know your children well enough to know things they will like in 2+ months time.

You haven't got children have you

The bookworm has plenty of time to discover new themes and new authors and want something different for Christmas
plenty of time to have bought or borrowed the books he wanted in October and no longer need them by the end of December

You do realise it's entirely possible not to leave shopping for Christmas Eve without starting in September or earlier 😂

And that's assuming your haven't got a child with a birthday in November or December...

I'm surprised at the number of posters telling you you've shopped too early considering we're in lockdown, retail has just closed possibly not to reopen before Christmas, click and collect only and online delivery times are surely about to extend to weeks.

Like you I completed it all earlier than usual this year, expecting lockdown was a possibility, wanting to spend our (limited) Christmas budget in our local High Street shops rather than online, while they were quieter. Also with a weekly food shop to do for six, that's going to be enough to contend with with with how the supermarket will be in the coming weeks.

My middle two are a similar age to your DSS, we haven't done Christmas lists this year, they understand and are expecting surprises which I know they'll love. My 7 year old who does still believe in Santa hasn't written a list either, she's excited for surprises from him too. My older teen laughed at Christmas shopping with me while Halloween decorations were everywhere. They're actually most looking forward to the stash of Christmas cake, chocs and biscuits I've bought sooner than usual this year!

Personally I'd just tell your DSS why you've needed to shop early, he's plenty old enough to understand.

I'm the biggest lover of Christmas I know, even my children take the mick out of me a bit for being someone who'd wear a Christmas jumper in July if I could. But it's fine to manage present expectations, sure he'll love those you've already bought, you've clearly put a lot of thought in to them.

So many posters are what my mil would call, “a very practical woman”, meaning matter of fact and unsentimental.

Great spirit of Christmas, telling a 10-year-old that present shopping is done and dusted and gifts wrapped. My teens still believe in Father Christmas ! It’s so antiseptic to tell kids as young as possible that Christmas equals a circulated Amazon gift list.

It is tricky.
I only allow one main present the rest are surprise gifts to avoid this.
At 10 I'd buy him one off the list.
You're not a smug shopper. I don't know why posters are being harsh you've said you're not flush.
My gift shopping is done too I'll be paying extra bills November so I've extra in December to pay for Christmas food.
Something's need planning.

Lowkeevslucille - what an utterly ridiculous thing to assume, I'm on a parenting forum, my screen name is mam with 2 or my 3 kids birth years and all my comments pretty much include refrenced to my own children

also my youngest childs birthday has JUST happened and my oldest childs birthday is new year (which I have comment on loads of december birthday threads)

when people try to justify their insane cries of 'it would be impossible' by attempting to wildly decreadit those who prove its quite simply not impossible by actually successfully doing it every year you just prove our point and that your in denial

I wouldn’t do anything.

Lists are supposed to be recommendations for what a person wants, not a list to be ticked off.

I might consider returning one thing and getting something but coveted but probably not.

Next year don’t be so quick off the mark!

when people say you cant buy before december because you wont know what they like - it such a bizaare excuse people who leave stuff until the last minute love to make but its simply not true.

A bookworm wont suddenly become a football fanatic or a gamer wont suddenly become an outdoor adventurer etc...

that's probably true, but if you buy books for a bookworm in October they might have read them by Christmas, or have discovered a new favourite author that they would love to get books from.

My DS is a gamer. For his birthday in May he wanted a particular game. He didn't get it because the release was delayed until November. I recently asked him if he'd like it for Christmas now. He wouldn't. Because his taste in games has changed. And getting "the wrong game" for a gamer is simply a waste of money. Yes, maybe they will unexpectedly like it, but more likely (especially if they are a child that follows development of new games so knows exactly what they are going to get).

I was recently selling some old Minecraft related items. I was contacted by a very excited parent saying her son played Minecraft all the time and he'd love them. Guess what? When she checked with her son, he'd moved on from Minecraft and onto Fortnite and had absolutely no interest.

@mam0918

Lowkeevslucille - what an utterly ridiculous thing to assume, I'm on a parenting forum, my screen name is mam with 2 or my 3 kids birth years and all my comments pretty much include refrenced to my own children

also my youngest childs birthday has JUST happened and my oldest childs birthday is new year (which I have comment on loads of december birthday threads)

when people try to justify their insane cries of 'it would be impossible' by attempting to wildly decreadit those who prove its quite simply not impossible by actually successfully doing it every year you just prove our point and that your in denial

Oh, you are one of those who assume MN is a bubble exclusively made of parents, and user names matter, sorry I didn't realise that

I very successfully manage to do all the Christmas shopping in November when we are coming towards the Christmas season and it has proven over the years to be very wise not to rush.

Everything I order from Amazon turns up with Prime on time and has done throughout the lockdown. I might not leave the shopping until Christmas Eve, but there was no need to waste mental energy on Christmas until .. well now.

If nothing else, the pandemic uncertainty has clearly proven that booking and deciding too early tends to backfire!

Good for you if you can already know what books your child won't' have read by Christmas, game he won't have played and so on.. I am not a mind reader, so I don't.

YOUR children might have very fixed and precise ideas, mine don't, and neither do I. I still don't know what I want for Christmas either.

OP don’t justify yourself, MN is full of judgey fuckers today!

I’m also nearly done.
I don’t want to trudge around shops during a pandemic with rising cases and if everyone had the same idea of shopping online, staffing reduced due to isolation and sickness, deliveries may be delayed etc.

My children are young - every year they know what they want in October - it’s always the same thing - a chocolate cake and one random toy. 😂 every year we get them a chocolate cake each and a few random toys.

He will probably change his mind in between. If they are things you think he will like stick with it.

I understand not wanting to go shopping in December, and I also understand wanting to budget in October for Christmas gifts.

But I don't understand buying everything now for children old enough to want specific things (past the "wooden toys or anything on a pirate theme" stage) so early, surely you can put the money you are budgeting to one side and ask kids closer to the date what they'd like with the money?

Just because you've allocated money in October, why do you have to spend it in October ? Can't you just not spend it until mid November? I'd be expecting lots of discount codes coming out over the next couple of weeks. It must be annoying to buy something for Christmas at full price in October to find out you could have got 30% off in November for the same thing.

I dont understand why people are giving you such a hard time for buying and wrapping gifts. What a monster you must be.

I wonder if people would be so mean if your wasnt the step mum buy the mum, I guarantee the tone would be different.

Op, I've done all my Christmas shopping and wrapped it as well for a dc, and dsc. Please don't panic, let him give you his list and see what's on it first. He just a very lucky boy that he santa goes to mums and his loving step mum as well. Twice as many presents.

Anyone else buy gifts ? That could maybe get something off the list ? We’ve made made this mistake but we had 3 D.C. at the time about to have a 4th so we wanted to get ahead of the game . 🤷🏼‍♀️ Stuff happens but you know he is at that age .

My DD used to do this too and we learnt to wait as long as poss before buying. But it’s a fine line to tread as some of the popular toys can sell out. Why not get the list off him as soon as poss, and see if anything you’ve already bought is on it? If not, return the more expensive gifts and replace with things on his list. Saves big disappointment from him on the day and you feeling bad.

Stop being mean! Amazon is still delivering during the pandemic

Tell him father Christmas is a bit short staffed this year due to covid 19 so gifts may not be what is on list

I've got all my presents and they're wrapped aswell. Nothing wrong with being too organised. Growing up I rarely got what I asked for I was just grateful for what I did get

@Hmm1234

Stop being mean! Amazon is still delivering during the pandemic

Did you miss the part about money worries and potentially having no job to go back to?

Never mind the mortgage or putting food on the table, kids Christmas presents come first

It’s very early to start, it’s not even December yet. Why didn’t you wait till he has written his list or letter?

I agree that you’ve probably been a little too quick off the mark to have bought everything for DC & DSS so quickly (I completely understand your frustration at trying to be organised though)

My DM is a bloody nightmare for that and it’s gotten to the point now I either don’t ask her or I buy her gift as late as possible
Because she never “wants” anything so I buy her something think she’ll love and then she pulls a list of suggestions from nowhere (or out and out asks for something) 🤦🏻‍♀️ So I totally get it, but when children are involved however they don’t think like us - he probably thinks he’s giving you loads of notice tbh seems as it’s only early November (kids don’t think in terms of paydays like us mothers do) x x

Christmas really doesn't need lists. Give your relatives (and/or friends) what they need when they need it, if you want, but if you're Christmas shopping and haven't received a list - or even if you have! - give them whatever you like. Otherwise it's trading and begging, not giving and receiving.

Why did you get the gifts before they gave you a list though?