I'm not a very nice person

[Everly82]

Ok, that's not strictly true. I'm very friendly and polite, treat people equally, hold doors and smile at strangers. But...I'm often pleased when things go wrong for others (not major things like illness, but if they were to get a house that I would want to live in and it fell through, for example). My friend recently failed her driving test and I wasn't unhappy for her because I can't drive and she has made snide comments before. Next door's house is a tip which pleases me because it makes me feel better about my own and weirdly superior. My high school bully is now obese. Very satisfying.

Am I an arsehole? The reality is, I'm miserable and not where I want to be in life. Is this jealousy? I'm starting to dislike myself.

@kittykat35

WTAF!! I haven't RTFT but what age are you OP?? You sound about 15!! That attitude is utterly SICK! I find as we get older we become more empathetic towards others so maybe there's hope for you yet??!! Although I have never wished ill on people. I actually can't believe how many people on here are agreeing too....no wonder the human race is up shit creek!!

Oh dear. You sound way worse than the OP tbh and the scary thing is you obviously don't even realise it.

@Clappingforjoy

I am the same with pregnancy announcements cant feel a jot of excitement ever since I was unable to conceive my 2nd dc. I am filled with bitter resentment also people who have money and can buy all the things I would love but cant because I struggle. I totally get it.

But would you go so far as to be happy if someone lost their baby, or all their money? Because that is the kind of thing being discussed on this thread. I understand what you're feeling, but I can't understand those who take it that next level.

One should never underestimate how cruel the heart of a human can be

Somewhat overstating the issue?

@Chickenkatsu

It's very common in sports for people to cheer when a rival team loses.

Yes because only 1 can win. In life we are not in direct competition for 1 winning position.

@areyoubeingserviced agreed, I was shocked by posters saying most people are like this that's not my experience of life at all

@YouKidsIsCrazy

Everyone is like this to some extent. Anyone pretending they've never even heard of such a thing is in epic denial and really should do some work on themselves

I think everyone has uncharitable thoughts sometimes. I disagree that everyone is going through life constantly lifelong happy about other people’s misfortunes though. They’re not.

Also don’t agree with the idea that it’s just thoughts so it doesn’t matter. People who think like this aren’t in my experience as great as hiding it as they believe, so it does translate to actions.

I have a friend who is a bit like this and I think it comes from insecurity and anxiety rather than her being fundamentally evil or anything, but I’ve had years of noticing weird snippy comments, the way she’s always rushing to hear the details and be a shoulder to cry on at people’s breakups but didn’t want to hear about anyone’s relationship going well, and so on. At one point she missed out on a (deserved!) promotion at work and was really upset about it, and said to me “even YOU’RE doing better than me!” Er thanks mate.

Like I said she’s not fundamentally evil or anything, but we are no longer as close as we were, and I don’t think she knows why.

@flaviaritt

One should never underestimate how cruel the heart of a human can be

Somewhat overstating the issue?

I don’t think that I am to be honest. Did you actually read the post about someone wishing a miscarriage on someone?

The mind can be a very very dark place

Did you actually read the post about someone wishing a miscarriage on someone?

Wasn’t that person grieving their infertility? I don’t think that’s nice, but I don’t think it’s evidence of a ‘cruel heart’. It’s distorted thinking driven by pain.

I think for me, moving forward, I need to focus on improving my own situation and when I am happier, I will be genuinely happy for others, too. I don't like feeling this way and I'm not proud of it.

@Everly82 This is a very good way of approaching it and I'm sure you'll find you'll be a lot happier not focusing on comparisons to other people.

It's very true that some people cant help these thoughts despite knowing they are so wrong.
I have many times questioned if I am even normal.

I can relate to this! I wonder if it is more common in women than men?

I thought we are all like this .

Dissatisfied with life, mistakes we made, lack of money, loneliness, infertility especially is a killer.
The ones that have these thoughts are in a dark place and are suffering badly inside.

Last year my marriage broke down. It was so hard seeing the image of perfect happy families on fb. So I unfollowed a heap of people.
I also know fb is not reality, and it is no one else's fault I married a dick head. That one is on me.
Would it make my pain any easier if everyone else's marriages broke down? No.
So I do understand being jealous of someone else's situation. But they a. Made better choices than me and/or b. Had better luck. They didn't take a bigger portion of some total amount of happiness that is available. I could have had that too if I'd made different choices, so I'm mainly angry at myself (and the dick head).

@Clappingforjoy

Dissatisfied with life, mistakes we made, lack of money, loneliness, infertility especially is a killer. The ones that have these thoughts are in a dark place and are suffering badly inside.

Infertility is a pain i cannot imagine. for you. It is one area I cant say for sure I wouldn't be very bitter about indeed.

You dont sound like a terrible person ,just a flawed human being as we all are! As is often said on here comparison is the thief of joy ,but we probably all feel like this sometimes esp if all isnt going well for us .Can you do anything to get where you want to be in life ? Maybe some courses,learning to drive for example.Very few people get everything in this life, as my friend used to say.If you are healthy ,have a home of your own and have friends as well I would say you are doing pretty well .I dreamt of becoming a Nurse as a child ,but it didnt work out in the end .I worked in Insurance.Worked out OK anyway!

I have lived next door to my sister for several years and she is moving away and I am so relieved because she has a large family and they are close to her and always visiting but never pop.and see me and it has made me feel like shit for a long time.

Am I bad for thinking like this

No. I hope you find some peace.

@Clappingforjoy

Am I bad for thinking like this

No you're not bad. You just don't want the constant reminder.

@TheJourneyWoman really? I don't see how my comment makes me sound worse to be honest. I have pointed out that her attitude is wrong...which she knows clearly or she would have asked? She does have time to change. I haven't wished ill on her. That's the whole point of this thread... you can agree or disagree. But I'm not wishing bad things on her.

Grandkids 3 daughters and a son who need and want her alot of activity and outings together and I just sit feeling bored.

youkidsiscrazy no I don't think we're all like this. Some of us are baffled that this is considered 'normal'. It really is eye opening!

I love my 20 year old son but he isnt so good for company