I'm not a very nice person

[Everly82]

Ok, that's not strictly true. I'm very friendly and polite, treat people equally, hold doors and smile at strangers. But...I'm often pleased when things go wrong for others (not major things like illness, but if they were to get a house that I would want to live in and it fell through, for example). My friend recently failed her driving test and I wasn't unhappy for her because I can't drive and she has made snide comments before. Next door's house is a tip which pleases me because it makes me feel better about my own and weirdly superior. My high school bully is now obese. Very satisfying.

Am I an arsehole? The reality is, I'm miserable and not where I want to be in life. Is this jealousy? I'm starting to dislike myself.

Feeling happy when someone who hurt you is down is one thing and feeling happy about a person's misfortune who did not hurt you but you were just always jealous of is another thing and quite nasty.

This made me really sad! Not so much at you, OP as you actually sound very self aware and like you are in a rough place, more so everyone agreeing and with examples. I didn't realise so many people were thinking stuff like that - although i can understand glee if the school bully's life isn't working out so well, so many people seem to take genuine pleasure in friends and relatives' unhappiness.

I agree OP that it is probably because you are miserable about your own life (and so are the people agreeing). I hope it works out for you and for them - and i also hope that in the meantime you are all hiding these feelings well!

Am I an arsehole? The reality is, I'm miserable and not where I want to be in life. Is this jealousy? I'm starting to dislike myself

I think it was Confucius who said that we all have bad thoughts enter our head and that it is up to us to shove the bad thoughts out so that they don't take seed. So try that - next time you think something mean consciously acknowledge it is mean and think something nice, or neutral, and then forget all about it.

You will feel happier in no time. You may even find things going your way a bit more, and get ideas about how to get where you want as your head space is freed up a bit.

Or even take it to the next level and go round doing random acts of kindness

When my ex noisy next door who used to make loud passive aggressive comments about me and my family got his car clamped and I could hear him shouting about it outside, it made my day. I still smile about it to myself now whenever we cross paths.

When my ex in laws who bitched about me to anyone who would listen after I left their son had him move in with them and cause utter, miserable chaos I was delighted.

When things go badly for my unpleasant exes or snidey friends or difficult neighbours, it makes me feel cheerful.

I think it's perfectly normal. There's nothing I wouldn't do for a person in true need or going through a bad time but I reserve the right to a cheery smirk when people who've not been as kind as they could be to me and mine get hit by the minor cow pats of life.

Everyone is like this to some extent. Anyone pretending they've never even heard of such a thing is in epic denial and really should do some work on themselves

Im a serial name changer and have seen threads on here aibu not such smug couple after all ha ha this crappy thing happened to X ha ha isnt it justice.. and people would post revealing all nasty stories and how she deserved it now that her husband cheated on her ha ha karma. Or look at so and so she put on so much weight ohh ha ha look at her. It's all just nasty. Andyes it definitely bleeds out of you dont fool yourself for one second that people dont notice..if they havent pulled you up on it its because of their own good nature not your own master cunning of disguise

This thread is depressing.
Are people actually like this?I genuinely have never wished harm on anyone in my life. Even people who have actually done serious damage to me.The closest I’ve come is hoping Trump loses the election...and even that is not personal.

Agree with this. What an eye opener. I hope my friends don't jump for joy at my misfortunes!

I suffered fertility issues and find it bizarre that it's considered acceptable to wish miscarriages on other women!

I think you sound unhappy with your lot.

Just the fact that you’re reflecting on your thoughts shows you to be a good person. It is normal to have these negative thoughts sometimes but it’s what we do with them that counts. Don’t let them eat you up though as it will lead to a life of misery. I have these thoughts at times but I try and be aware of them and ‘let them go’ when they pop up as they don’t serve any good purpose. I try and tell myself that what is happening to other people (good or bad) makes no difference to my life and how I choose to live, if that makes sense. My issue is definitely low self esteem and I think I feel threatened by others success. None of us are perfect, we’re all deeply complex, flawed individuals with our own baggage. It’s what we do with that baggage that counts. Good luck op.

Totally normal! There are some people on here who are clearly delighting in telling you how terrible you are-- ironic, right?

WTAF!! I haven't RTFT but what age are you OP?? You sound about 15!! That attitude is utterly SICK! I find as we get older we become more empathetic towards others so maybe there's hope for you yet??!! Although I have never wished ill on people. I actually can't believe how many people on here are agreeing too....no wonder the human race is up shit creek!!

@YouKidsIsCrazy

Everyone is like this to some extent. Anyone pretending they've never even heard of such a thing is in epic denial and really should do some work on themselves

Everyone has unpleasant thoughts enter their head.

Not everyone is pleased when their friends and loved ones suffer.

I certainly wished harm on my abusive ex husband for years, because I had suffered and wanted him to suffer too. But when my family and friends are sad, and suffering, I’m sad for them. Genuinely. And I’m honestly baffled by people feeling otherwise, but this thread has shed some light on that emotion apparently being quite widespread.

I am the same with pregnancy announcements cant feel a jot of excitement ever since I was unable to conceive my 2nd dc. I am filled with bitter resentment also people who have money and can buy all the things I would love but cant because I struggle. I totally get it.

Totally normal! There are some people on here who are clearly delighting in telling you how terrible you are-- ironic, right?

@CrazyToast there's a HUGE difference between calling someone out on their attitude/behaviour and actually wishing people harm/sadness/failure etc in their lives!! I think the attitude of @Everly82 is appalling but I genuinely wish for her that one day she realises she IBU and tried to change her mindset. So all positive wishes iyswim!

You sound like one of the least kind people you could ever come across. Lacking in any empathy and completely up your own smug ass.

No she doesn't. Your aggressive tone on the other hand betrays the very thing you are projecting here.

I'm glad your high school bully is now obese.

Let's hope they get picked on for it.

@kittykat35

WTAF!! I haven't RTFT but what age are you OP?? You sound about 15!! That attitude is utterly SICK! I find as we get older we become more empathetic towards others so maybe there's hope for you yet??!! Although I have never wished ill on people. I actually can't believe how many people on here are agreeing too....no wonder the human race is up shit creek!!

I find that it goes one two ways. Some women become nice and more mellow after life has thrown curve balls and others become bitter. Once bitterness is entrenched it is very difficult to change but it is possible!

Peace!

@Cloudhopping

Just the fact that you’re reflecting on your thoughts shows you to be a good person. It is normal to have these negative thoughts sometimes but it’s what we do with them that counts. Don’t let them eat you up though as it will lead to a life of misery. I have these thoughts at times but I try and be aware of them and ‘let them go’ when they pop up as they don’t serve any good purpose. I try and tell myself that what is happening to other people (good or bad) makes no difference to my life and how I choose to live, if that makes sense. My issue is definitely low self esteem and I think I feel threatened by others success. None of us are perfect, we’re all deeply complex, flawed individuals with our own baggage. It’s what we do with that baggage that counts. Good luck op.

Thank you. Wow, lots of responses to this post which have forced me to take a good hard look at myself and my life. I don't think that I'm not a nice person, as others have said, if I was, this wouldn't be bothering me so much. I feel very sad for people who have lost children and family members. I can't stand the thought of the elderly being lonely. I hate animal cruelty and people being publically humiliated. I think for me, moving forward, I need to focus on improving my own situation and when I am happier, I will be genuinely happy for others, too. I don't like feeling this way and I'm not proud of it.

You sound jealous and that makes people bitter and unkind for sure.

One of the things I'm most grateful for is my innate lack of jealousy. It's not something I pride myself on because I haven't had to work for it or done anything special, but I know a couple of people who are jealous of everything and everyone around them to the point that they do have a compulsive need to go out of their way to bring people down when something goes well for them.

It makes me sad. I would hate to live that way and I'd hate to enjoy things going wrong for people because it would make me feel better about my own life.

You should work on it.

And yes I forgot to tack on that it doesn't define every aspect if you by any means. But it is an unpleasant trait, mainly for you rather than other people, so I would try and work on it

You’re not a “not nice person” at all! You are just a lesson in a habit of comparing yourself constantly that’s all. All your judgements just say something about you really, that you’d like you’d like a different house yourself, that you might like if your own house was cleaner etc

You say you are starting to not like yourself. You’re in a bad habit what your thoughts. To start with, shut down the internal dialogue about others... honestly I found when I would daydream about negative things I would then feel negative for the rest of the day about all other things.... it is worth shutting it down.

Lesson *person

It's very common in sports for people to cheer when a rival team loses.

One should never underestimate how cruel the heart of a human can be and how people are even willing to vote / do something against their own interest as long as the object of their jealousy suffers.

This thread has been a complete eye opener for me and I will definitely keep by cards close to my chest from now on.

@itsbeen84years

Perhaps you should do some CBT. Kindness and contentness is as much about how you think as how you behave. Kind people don't just pretend to behave kindly. Honesty when asked for opinions is not unkind either.

You sound like one of the least kind people you could ever come across. Lacking in any empathy and completely up your own smug ass.

Wow. How ironic.