To say to parents that it's all the kids or none of the kids?

[GhostBrocolli]

Very basic.

1 child from a previous relationship, 2 children with DH.

DC1 has no paternal family at all.
DH family treat DC1 like they don't exist and shower DC2&3 with attention, gifts etc.

I've previously stated (with DH in agreement) that they either treat all DC the same wether that's a treat for all or none. (We're not the type to get upset if they chose none, this isn't a material issue.)

This is still happening though and I feel it needs to be readdressed with them AIBU?

@Noitjustwontdo that is such a sad story, you were just a child and I don't know how they could have treated you like that, awful behaviour from adults who should have known and done better

YANBU your in-laws are disgusting for basically not even acknowledging your eldest child- no excuse for it. The fact your SIL and BIL treat all of your children equally just highlights what dickheads your MIL and FIL are being.

Does your oldest call your DH dad and consider him their dad? What's the age of the oldest compared to the youngest and how long has DH been around? If so and DH has been around since oldest DC was small YANBU. Usually people on these types of thread the child has it's own paternal family and the OP isn't married. This is different. When your DH married you he took on the role, presumably, of being your oldest child dad, providing for it and loving it like his own, and his family are BU to not recognise that. The only way this would really be, utterly spiteful, but less cold is if your oldest is fifteen or so and your DH only came along a couple if years back. Marrying a full time single mum or dad of a young child should make the child yours in all but biology really, assuming you act like they are yours, so if your DH does then his family are doing their son a disservice denying a child he has decided he wants to be the dad to. Is there any chance of him adopting the oldest DC?