To feel hacked off with the way my assistant spoke to me today?

[Maria53]

I was promoted from a junior position around lockdown time & 2 months ago an assistant was hired to help me with 2 specific projects/lighten the load.

I was asked to find brand ambassadors for an important client, something no one at the company has done before. Therefore even my boss has been asking my advice on how to do it as it is going very well.

The issue is that at the beginning I was told to cast the net far and wide, reaching out to many potential leads and see who came back. In the end too many came back when I didnt know if we would get anyone!

I've had to pick a few and havent replied to those who only expressed mild interest. My assistant raised it a few days ago, wanting to know why I had 'ghosted' the leads now it has only been a week since I spoke to them and I am still making my decisions. I explained this is all a learning curve for me to and we can look at putting a strategy in place for us and the wider team.

She replied again saying 'well I just think it is very bad practice'. That stopped me in my tracks because no colleague would speak to me like that or vice versa.

I am doing the jobs of 2 people now effectively and it is very hard doing everything. AIBU to not appreciate this and want to know how to handle it?

@user1493494961 what a nasty thing to say. The OP is overworked so much that she needed an assistant. She doesn't need an abrupt and unhelpful person. She needs help with the load. To work as a team and not be worry if she can spell or to turn up to a meeting on time and not even an apology when she is late.

She has stopped running things by me as much but she hasnt got the hang of everything yet. I do value professional feedback and want to do a good job

Are you her manager? Or does she have a different manager? She just needs a bit of training. She sounds keen, but this seems to be a bit of a character clash, where she's brushing up against your ego, OP. Someone else in your position, perhaps with more confidence, might have simply had a quiet word with her, but it sounds like you need someone who believes in their own authority to help you out with her.

Good managers build people up and don’t criticise their team. As you should well know having been promote from a junior position a few months ago.

@Maria53

I personally wouldnt dream of telling a manager that I thought what they were doing was very bad practice.

I guess some here will just see it as sharing views - I'm not sure.

I regard it as my responsibility to advise my manager if I have a concern about something. And I expect my team to do the same for me. No one knows it all. We're stronger together.

Think I just need to put together a few templates tonight that we can pick from.

You're making work for yourself! You don't need to create multiple templates, you just need a quick response to the unlucky applicants. It's a 30 second job. Earlier you mentioned coming up with strategies for this situation. No wonder you're overworked if you overthink things like this.

This is often a problem when someone is promoted to a manager role with no experience or training. We have it all the time in my organisation and I have been on the receiving end of awful line managers as well as some good ones. Being overworked isn't an excuse for not being able to manage an assistant... Having an assistant is helpful, but (especially in the beginning) may well be more work than you expect. Some of what you say about the assistant is fine nothing wrong with an assistant voicing their opinion and it's often helpful that they do but some of her actions need managing. When you say in the meeting she said she didn't think your idea was a good one, it depends on the full convo... Did she leave it at that (you need to sit down with her if so and discuss her unprofessional behaviour) or did she follow that with valid reasoning for why she thought it was a bad idea? I'm very upfront with my bosses (although I allowed a good relationship to be built as well as an understanding) so I will speak up in a meeting if I think it's a bad idea but I give a valid reason why. Often they agree with me. If they don't that's fine, I'll shut up and do what they request. Your assistant does sound like she needs to learn boundaries and how to deal with situations, but you need to learn to manage her properly.

@Eckhart 'someone that believes in their own authority' - I am managing the project but I am not her LM. That is why I am cautious about what I say to her.

I do quite like her actually to someone above that said I didn't. But I dont like having her criticise my ideas in a meeting when my own LM brings up the idea to praise it. Very rude. No one said anything in reply to her.

I don’t see you taking these comments on board. If you did your life would be easier- if you’d said ‘great idea can you draft a response email for me to read? Then we can get back to them all today.’ It would be done. No more headspace on it, no need to waffle at strategy. I’d have struggled not to roll my eyes at ‘create a strategy’.

It is also worth noting that while I am not her LM I feel like one because she treats me like I am.

The actual LM doesn't take much to do with her.

In the status she actually wrote 'we ghosted them'. This is a spreadsheet for me and my line manager to look at.

Hahaha!!

The actual line manager has realised she's a pita and pushed her over to you

What did your LM say when she dropped the meeting clanger? Say anything privately at all?

I really hate it when people think you shouldn't have an opinion or challenge anything just because you are viewed as being 'lower down' in the company, so of little importance.

These hierarchies in businesses make vile places to work. A lot of people do what you may view as menial jobs because they are working on a career change or doing something temporarily - it doesn't mean they have little of value to offer.

She didn't criticise you personally - she said 'bad practice' - which is actually a criticism of the businesses practices. Get over it and perhaps view her with more respect.

I personally wouldnt dream of telling a manager that I thought what they were doing was very bad practice.

This explains why so many workplaces have ridiculous procedures and ways of working, people are too 'scared' to put forward ideas for improvement. I don't think she said anything unreasonable, it wasn't a personal attack ie omg you are terrible at your job, it was a specific comment that sounds like it's the truth. A week isn't long, no, but did you give an acknowledgement of their interest? Indicative timelines for decisions? Is she getting formal/informal complaints and comments from people who are waiting?

Now I think about it she said to a client today 'doing X is absolutely pointless' (the client's idea! )' and my LM looked a bit momentarily and saved it.

When she was late to the meeting the LM asked why and gave her several opportunities to apologise. Still she did not.

just because you are viewed as being 'lower down' in the company

Why are so many people here so determined to ignore that an assistant IS lower down in the company? That is why they ‘assist’ rather than make decisions. This is reality. Goodness me, there are some sensitive people here.

And I dont know if anything was said privately @LadyTiredWinterBottom2

I meant between you and your LM or do you not have those sorts of conversations? You are entitled to give feedback on her performance so could ask them what they thought of her.

Well now you've dripped in some more info, she does sound quite abrasive. But it's not your problem, and her LM has obviously noticed. Her LM is the one who should be doing something!

Drip, drip, drip.

You aren't making yourself look better here.

She should have worded it a bit differently but still expressed her views.. it does sound a little rude to be honest... she could have said "I noticed you didn't reply to all of the leads, in my opinion it would be a good idea to reply to all of them to aknowledge their interest otherwise you could lose a potential client" ...

Dont know what to suggest though sorry

Being lower down in the company does not mean you aren't entitled to an opinion

@flaviaritt My point is that it doesn't mean you have less to offer or should not be voicing opinions. In other countries (such as Sweden) where there is less hierarchy in business and a 'flat' structure, everyone is valued more equally, it actually makes a nicer place to work.

I'd say thanks for your opinion, what are your suggestions then?

She hasnt just "voiced her opinion". She has criticised you in an unconstructive way. If you spoke to her in that way it would be consider a poor reflection of you as a manager and its equally bad of her.

I'm enjoying reading this partly because I think I've sussed out the real problem. Assistant sounds young and lacking professional filter (poss apserger like tendencies? she reminds me of me ) which is all good reason to get upset YET parallel to that you have made multiple references to being overworked. These references are often along the lines to excuse yourself from 'poor performance' (the late replies, lack of surety etc) but I think it runs deeper. Your true source of angst is the burden of work but you don't wish to complain or accept even to yourself that you are struggling. So this assistant becomes a 'good' target to vent. Frustration (anger) often is a cover for more unsettling emotions. Perhaps yours is fear of underperforming, or fear of falling behind in the race to take more responsibility.