Neighbour asked us not to do fireworks?

[lockdownqueen]

I'm in a group chat with girls on our new build estate I've sent out a pre warning as hubby has gone and bought some. Everyone was fine and said they will be in there gardens to watch then one of the girls asked us not too as her dog has severe panic attacks.

don't know what to do? Kids have been looking forward to them.

aibu to go ahead and do them?

Then as a good dog owner it is on her to train her dog and desensitize it to the sound

What a ridiculous statement. You can’t always necessarily train fear out of a dog. They’re not a machine that you can just program. Rescue dogs that have had tough or violent lives pre rescue can often remain nervous to sudden or loud noises.

It's like absolute fireworks world on our estate tonight. Our dog isn't keen, but just barks a lot rather that shaking/crying etc.

Our neighbour came and knocked earlier to ask if we minded if they set off a few fireworks in their garden. We said it was fine and just managed our dog with the door shut in the room furthest away from the garden. It's not ideal but it is doable.

MrsJunglelow

Well... yes. People have the right to do things that other people don’t always like. Managing your condition is your job, not theirs.

Anyway, we are not going to agree about what is and is not selfish here, so I will wish you goodnight.

Bloody hell, dog owners have got selfish, haven’t they?

Lots of children, and adults too, are scared of dogs. Therefore, we should ban keeping dogs as pets. That’s the logic I’m seeing on this thread.

TokyoSushi, my dog was scared of fireworks but he managed like yours. But not every dog, or any animal or people are able to.

That's the point of this thread. The neighbour specifically asked not to, because the dog would have panic attack. The thinking that goes through people when asked not to by someone, yet still try to justify the reason to go ahead, that I despair.

For me: avoiding deliberately doing things that might fairly obviously cause distress or fright to others.

‘Fairly obviously’ - loud noises? Music? Running past someone in the street? What else? How much of people’s day-to-day freedom to do ordinary things do you want them to give up, on the grounds that it is ‘obviously’ going to cause distress or fright? Some people are frightened of some fairly innocuous stuff.

Lots of children, and adults too, are scared of dogs. Therefore, we should ban keeping dogs as pets. That’s the logic I’m seeing on this thread.

Exactly. How someone manages to square the logic of ‘never doing things that might distress others’ with dog ownership I don’t know. I love dogs. But some people have been bitten or barked at by dogs, so it is staggering that anyone would take one for a walk or - god forbid - let them off the lead.

OP I doubt you’ll be back on this thread after all the frothing that’s been going on but if you do, I hope you had a lovely time. Letting your neighbours know what time you were letting the fireworks off so they could bring their children out to watch was a kind, sociable thing to do.

@lockdownqueen

We have only bought a few anyway, I have told her the time we're doing it and that it won't be for long. I can't do anything else

Well, you could not set them off?

I wouldn't set them off in your situation. You asked for feedback and your neighbour said their dog is scared. Based on that then demonstrate some compassion to your kids and cancel the fireworks.

I love a good firework display but think they should be banned from private sale.

Dogs can be medicated if they have problems with fireworks. The owner knows this and should have prepared already given loads of people randomly let of fireworks for about 3 weeks at this time of year.

Our dog didn't like them, but we prepped and she was fine. We even put noise cancelling headphones in her one year whilst she snuggled on the sofa with us - no issues.

It's the neighbours responsibility to look after the dog, they can't control the situation any other way.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I remember I had an ex-Military PTSD patient who was in absolute terror at this time of the year.

And a PP has posted how her son with PTSD is in an awful state due to fireworks.

Think of the HUGE number of ex-service personnel who live rough - the vast majority of them with MH problems caused by what they have experienced.

Nobody thinks of them when they are setting off fireworks . . .

. . . but in a few days the country will be remembering their sacrifice.

What hypocrisy!

This. So much :(

@Shitonthebloodything

I never understand this. If people know their pets are going to be frightened at this time of year, every year then isn't there something they can do about it? Maybe I'm just being heartless because I'm not a dog person and my cats have never been bothered by them but surely it's to be expected each year.

Yes there is ,it’s called be honest with your neighbours if they ask if it’s ok to have fireworks .. Yes you are heartless. Fireworks are totally unnecessary in a built up area. It’s selfish

Lots of children, and adults too, are scared of dogs. Therefore, we should ban keeping dogs as pets. That’s the logic I’m seeing on this thread

Except that you should be able to explain to an adult and certainly to older children, that there is nothing to be frightened of.

But you can't, because fear is often irrational - that's what a "phobia" is - an irrational fear.

So if you can't explain to a PERSON - how do you expect to explain to an ANIMAL?

Home fireworks displays should be banned in my opinion. And I had this view even before I had a toddler, who miraculously has actually slept through world war 3 outside so far. And I don’t have pets.
They’re just horrendously dangerous, and actually, most of them are just loud and a bit shit.
I appreciate there’s no organised displays this year, but everyone will get over it I’m sure.

Exactly. How someone manages to square the logic of ‘never doing things that might distress others’ with dog ownership I don’t know. I love dogs. But some people have been bitten or barked at by dogs, so it is staggering that anyone would take one for a walk or - god forbid - let them off the lead
My last post but I just want to say that I have a dog and she doesn’t approach people (I wouldn’t let her off the lead if she did).

If I see someone who appears uncomfortable on spotting her I call her to me and give them a great deal of space; either walking far away if there’s room or waiting for them to pass or changing direction if not.

It would be oh so easy for me to think ‘I like my dog, I have a set route, it’s not MY fault your uncomfortable but that wouldn’t be right.

Doing things you like and having consideration for others are not necessarily two separate things.

It’s perfectly possible to have a dog and still be considerate to those frightened or just plain disliking.

Just like how it’s possible to go for a jog and still be considerate to others.

For fireworks, its possible to enjoy a lovely display at a public event and be considerate to those who may be frightened but it’s not considerate (or safe in many cases..) to have private displays at home because of neighbours and their pets.

MrsJunglelow

So, your standards are always fine. Anyone who does things in a way that scares you, they are ‘inconsiderate’ or ‘selfish’ for not giving you enough thought. But the thought you give others is always adequate, just because it is.

Gotcha.

@NetflixWatcher

Its bonfire night. They are going off here and my 2 dogs are sleep they're not bothered atall. Apparently my baby nephew is hating them though. Go for it OP it is 1 night a year.

It's not just one night a year though is it!! People set them off for all sorts of events now. Birthdays, funerals, weddings, Christmas and new year. Fireworks should be banned from sale to the general public

@JellyBabiesSaveLives l agree. It's a bit unfortunate that the OP worded it that way as actually she was just letting them know rather than asking permission, which is how the neighbour has taken it. But my DD hates it dogs run up and sniff her or jump up so let's ban them!!

So, your standards are always fine. Anyone who does things in a way that scares you, they are ‘inconsiderate’ or ‘selfish’ for not giving you enough thought. But the thought you give others is always adequate, just because it is
I’m sorry you’ve lost me a bit?

I never said that people shouldn’t have hobbies, shouldn’t go for runs, have dogs, watch fireworks etc.

Just that they should try and be considerate and try and avoid upsetting others.

Eg, don’t let your dog jump at people, don’t run up behind people, go to a public display rather than let off fireworks in your own back garden etc.

MrsJunglelow

But the point is that some people are extremely frightened of dogs. They really really hate them. So it’s not considerate to walk round with a dog.*

Except this is nonsense. As is the idea that joggers should pander to your fears rather than you look round a bit more often, or that people should never use perfectly legal celebratory fireworks.

We don’t get to decide how other people should get to behave.

Why do you need to do that in your garden? Why not in the park and then you don't disturb so many people ?

Anyway, I have a book to read. All the fireworks are finished here.

What if it was the other way round and your neighbour had told you her DH had bought some fireworks. Their dog didn't mind them so they were setting them off, but your children were absolutely terrified of the loud bangs they made. Would you think she was BU for still setting them off even though you'd asked her not too? I remember being absolutely terrified of fireworks when I was little