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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who is really unreasonable here? I’ve been made out to be awful

337 replies

WendyToba · 05/11/2020 12:09

I went out to dinner yesterday with SIL, her two DC, my DC and a friend of hers.

It was just a Beefeater type of place so nothing fancy. DC was asleep by the time as got there for 6 so didn’t eat anything. I had a olives, plate of chicken nuggets, chips, a coke and a WKD. For desert I had a cheesecake.

SIL and her friend had a steak each with chips, few bottles of wine between them. No desert. SIL’s DC had a kids meal each with a drink, and a desert which was separate fo the child’s one that came with the meal, as they wanted something else.

I did a total in my head for my food to have been about £21/22, so put £25 down in cash. There was no discussion of splitting the bill, the others just paid their own by card.

Received a text this morning from SIL that said her friend really likes her but they both wondered why I didn’t offer to split all of the alcohol together? So my WKD, their bottle of wines and then split that between us. Pay for our own food. I replied because my WKD was cheap? She said why do I think that?

What on earth do I reply? She’s just said that via text. I think it’s a bit off... isn’t it?

OP posts:
LostAcre · 07/11/2020 01:01

you didn't have a WKD, you had a coke too - prob the same price as a cheap bottle of plonk.

If that was the case here, then OP paying for her own drinks would have effectively split the bill evenly, so then why would her SIL be complaining about her not splitting the cost of the alcohol?

QuestionableMouse · 07/11/2020 01:08

Tell them if they're that keen for you to pay for their wine, you'll buy them a bottle each for Christmas

Pennybubbly · 07/11/2020 01:17

SIL sounds awful.
You sound lovely, OP. Chin up Smile

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/11/2020 01:35

I smell BS, and you were being mean.

I smell not having read the full thread....

and if they "both" wondered why you were not volunteering to pay for their booze.... why did they not say something at the time, rather than hiding behind a text??

I'd also be interested to know how many times they both offered to pour OP some of the wine they were expecting her to sub all sharing. I have a number in mind - and it is a round one.

Ddot · 07/11/2020 05:52

So she wanted to share, share the wine no share huge amount of food no, share the bill yes yes yes. Isn't that fair. Your her pasty. I always wonder if these people have a good laugh when they get home. My mates husband has a friend who is known for it. Goes in rounds but always goes home before his turn and is not poor, better off than the rest. It came to ahead on holiday, had a huge meal and drinks my friend and husband shared a pizza and water, wasnt feeling great. Iced out next day because dared to only pay for what they ordered. A real friend doesn't take advantage and then to ask for money after on pretence of kids.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 07/11/2020 08:34

you didn't have a WKD, you had a coke too - prob the same price as a cheap bottle of plonk.

If you can tell me where you’re getting wine in a restaurant for that sort of price, I’d definitely have to try it once. I suspect I wouldn’t want to try it twice.

Anxiousannie32 · 07/11/2020 08:49

They were willing to pay for their own food but wanted you to split the cost of the alcohol you didn't drink? That doesn't make sense. Usually people split the whole cost of the bill for ease but they still wanted to faff about it with the food side and have you subsidise the booze. Cheeky cow.

ReallySpicyCurry · 07/11/2020 08:53

SIL is trashy and was hoping you'd facilitate her drinking habit. I wouldn't be going out with her again

TheVamoosh · 07/11/2020 09:14

So she drank her child's school trip money and now she wants you to pay for it? I would rather be alone than hang out with someone like that.

DreadingSeason2020sFinale · 07/11/2020 09:18

@Toomuchtrouble4me

you didn't have a WKD, you had a coke too - prob the same price as a cheap bottle of plonk. How many bottles of wine did they have? I find it hard to believe that they had a full bottle each over a meal - with children there? let alone 'a few' that's a heavy drinking session and far more of an issue than the bill! By 'a few' do you mean 3? They must have been paralytic! Or was it more like half a bottle each and you were being grumpy because she'd rocked up with her friend in tow and so you got sulky, didn't drink and wouldn't split the bill? If they'd downed 'a few' bottles, at 6pm, with kids, between 2 of them then that would be the subject of this post - I smell BS, and you were being mean.
I love MN. Where absolute fucking numpties read a post, decide that's not what happened, completely redo the story to their liking and use their faked version to have a go at the OP.
Figgygal · 07/11/2020 09:22

You are totally not in the wrong but don’t expect another invite op
I hate where people expect to be subsidised for their meals where they go hammer and tongs and others are more conservative

Snipples · 07/11/2020 09:23

God your SIL is one cheeky bitch. Just don't even respond OP. She's not worth it.

And seriously who are these posters who agree with SIL and think you're being mean? Get a grip - it's so cheeky to drink a bottle of wine each and then see your arse when someone having one drink and a soft drink doesn't split the cost with you! Anyone can see that's greedy!

PrimalLass · 07/11/2020 09:25

sharing is just what we do around here to be fair

I would say: expecting me to share the cost of your wine isn't exactly fair.

PrimalLass · 07/11/2020 09:26

Oops sorry didn't RTFT

Karwomannghia · 07/11/2020 09:34

I’m glad you didn’t let yourself be railroaded into anything and saw through it!

MzHz · 07/11/2020 09:40

Is SIL is so short of cash what was she doing going out anyway

Or sinking an entire bottle of wine herself?

Your oh, her own brother knows she’s a rude embarrassment, so don’t bother with her again.

Don’t ever lend her money again, don’t agree to go out with anyone who thinks they’re doing you a favour in inviting you, or worse that you need to subsidise them.

You’ve done nothing wrong, I bet you feel hurt and upset, but that’s not on you love.

SoloMummy · 07/11/2020 09:53

Tbh the drinks side is ding unreasonable. Their bills must have been £15 each for the bottle and yours less than £5? So even if you'd all (unfairly) shared this bill, then you'd have only saved £3. So she'd still be £7 plus short.

Ultimately, she's a shit mum to have decided to have the bottle of wine knowing the £10 was due.
And tbh though you're kind in saying she's a hardened drinker, I'd wonder if she's more alcohol dependent.

And tbh she sounds a cow to have a) brought this up b) to have made the statement that you were just asked to tag along as a sympathy card addition.

I would be distancing myself from her and try to make new friends using other avenues.

crankysaurus · 07/11/2020 10:16

So presumably they order more wine for themselves assuming you'd be subbing them?

bemusedmoose · 07/11/2020 10:20

pretty sure her friend is actually her and she is in a mood she had to buy her own drinks!!

You arent unresonable - you didnt touch the stuff so why should you have to pay for it!?

I would just say - because i had so much less than everyone it wouldnt be a fair split. I bet if they knew they had to pay full price they would have chosen differently!

Thomasina79 · 07/11/2020 10:31

She is being unreasonable. I regularly go out with a group of friends, some of who don’t drink. I think it is perfectly fair to split the cost of the food, but have separate individual bills for any alcohol drunk. A bottle of wine in a restaurant can be very expensive and I don’t expect anyone else to subsidise my alcohol intake!

starfishmummy · 07/11/2020 10:44

Hate people like this.

Our CF moment was last year when we hosted a family meal out for DS's birthday. We normally pay for everyone. Last time we discovered ahead of time that Mil had asked another relative. And when we got there found that the "uninvited?" relative had asked 2 more!

"Luckily" we were spared the situation this year due to Lockdown1.

DreadingSeason2020sFinale · 07/11/2020 11:04

Forgive me if I missed it but you haven't said you cannot afford the tenner to lend have you? Would you perhaps be in the "much better off" category in SIL's eyes?

I'm wondering if perhaps you DH is done with his sister because she thinks as he's better off/financially stable he should be the family cash cow and now that he's stopped, she was perhaps expecting you to treat them to dinner instead? Or at least buy all the drinks because you're "the rich ones"?

Localocal · 07/11/2020 11:16

Two mums out with children had "a few bottles of wine" between them??

Sorry, they have a much bigger problem than explaining the odd local tab-splitting protocol to you.

Unicant · 07/11/2020 11:26

What a cf!
This is why I hate expectations to split the bill. I always worry about friends when ordering... ifeel like if I order something too expensive then other people may end up footing some of my bill. And then sometimes there's always cf who order loads of wine and expect you to pay.
Unless its someone birthday in which case I'm happy to pay for them or split the bill in a big party etc... I always say at the beginning I'm just gonna order and pay for my own families food here. Unless I'm flushand I wanna treat someone in which case I'd make that clear too. Making it clear at the beginning is the way forward... and dont be shamed into buying wine for cfs. Who cares if they think you are tight, you know they are just drinkers trying to get someone else to foot the bill because they can't afford their own habit.

Yoffel · 07/11/2020 11:36

So basically, she just invited you out so you could subsidise her and her mate’s drinking habits. Drop her like a hot brick OP. Your own company is infinitely preferably. I think it’s clear why her brother doesn’t bother much with her. I’d be inclined to follow his lead on that.

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