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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is really unreasonable here? I’ve been made out to be awful

337 replies

WendyToba · 05/11/2020 12:09

I went out to dinner yesterday with SIL, her two DC, my DC and a friend of hers.

It was just a Beefeater type of place so nothing fancy. DC was asleep by the time as got there for 6 so didn’t eat anything. I had a olives, plate of chicken nuggets, chips, a coke and a WKD. For desert I had a cheesecake.

SIL and her friend had a steak each with chips, few bottles of wine between them. No desert. SIL’s DC had a kids meal each with a drink, and a desert which was separate fo the child’s one that came with the meal, as they wanted something else.

I did a total in my head for my food to have been about £21/22, so put £25 down in cash. There was no discussion of splitting the bill, the others just paid their own by card.

Received a text this morning from SIL that said her friend really likes her but they both wondered why I didn’t offer to split all of the alcohol together? So my WKD, their bottle of wines and then split that between us. Pay for our own food. I replied because my WKD was cheap? She said why do I think that?

What on earth do I reply? She’s just said that via text. I think it’s a bit off... isn’t it?

OP posts:
JocelynSchitt · 06/11/2020 18:49

@Hmm1234

You sound like a cheap person. Tbh I wouldn’t want to go out to eat with friends or family that aren’t happy to split the bill equally. Embarrassing that you thought to use a calculator. Next time order three WKDs. YABU
She sounds cheap because she didnt pay for someone else's alcohol?

Give your head a wobble. It would only have been sharing if she made up in food what they drank in alcohol.

Horehound · 06/11/2020 18:50

Interesting first post Hmm

Mummadeeze · 06/11/2020 18:51

Just want to say, am so sorry you have such a nasty SIL. You are 100% in the right. X

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/11/2020 18:51

@Hmm1234

You sound like a cheap person. Tbh I wouldn’t want to go out to eat with friends or family that aren’t happy to split the bill equally. Embarrassing that you thought to use a calculator. Next time order three WKDs. YABU
What?

How is it "cheap" to pay for your own meal plus a generous tip*, but not want to buy a bottle of wine for someone else? Or py for their kids' meals

*though I'll bet the waitress never saw a penny of that! CF SIL would have put it towards the bill

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/11/2020 18:52

However OP - YABVU for drinking WKD.

Nobody over 14 drinks WKD . . . Grin

Fishfingersandwichplease · 06/11/2020 18:55

Well if she needed to pay for a school trip, she should have prioritised that before glugging 6 bottle of wine with her mate. Cheeky bitch. I would not go out with her again if she is grabby like that

chocoholicc · 06/11/2020 18:57

Hmm your 'friend' sounds like she's using you. Sounds as though they only invited you hoping you would pay for their alcohol

Bunnymumy · 06/11/2020 19:25

@SchadenfreudePersonified

However OP - YABVU for drinking WKD.

Nobody over 14 drinks WKD . . . Grin

Wkd is awesome. But only the blue stuff.
acatcalledjohn · 06/11/2020 19:37

@Hmm1234

You sound like a cheap person. Tbh I wouldn’t want to go out to eat with friends or family that aren’t happy to split the bill equally. Embarrassing that you thought to use a calculator. Next time order three WKDs. YABU

You sound like the cheeky fucking grabby SIL.

SunShinesStill · 06/11/2020 19:49

@WendyToba listen to your DH! He’s distanced himself for a reason. Your SIL was horrible in each of those texts. She is a class bitch. Hopefully you find someone else to go out with.

browneyes77 · 06/11/2020 19:49

@Hmm1234

You sound like a cheap person. Tbh I wouldn’t want to go out to eat with friends or family that aren’t happy to split the bill equally. Embarrassing that you thought to use a calculator. Next time order three WKDs. YABU
And you sound like you might be the SIL.

Or just another entitled and obnoxious CF.

Ddot · 06/11/2020 19:56

I used to get this alot, me a vegetarian meal and a beer, them starter, steak, pudding and wine. Oh lets just split equally. Taxis a couple and me, lets split half each, do I look like a couple, no I pay third but happens all the time and I used to be too embarrassed to say something. I'm financially embarrassed now so I pay for me end of.

Ddot · 06/11/2020 19:58

You normally find the people who want to split are the ones who eat the bloody most

Poppinjay · 06/11/2020 19:58

@Hmm1234 have you missed the point that, had the OP joined in the heavy drinking, the bill would have been significantly higher and the friend would still have had to pay for her own wine.

She was invited precisely because she wouldn't drink much so that she could be guilted into paying for a portion of their booze.

Ddot · 06/11/2020 20:00

Not paying for your dead animal on a plate so there

rumandbiscuits · 06/11/2020 20:09

What a nasty, manipulative person she is! Well done for sticking up for yourself. Your OH is right she's an embarrassment Blush

Rotundandhappy · 06/11/2020 20:15

@WendyToba

Okay, so I replied saying WKD is cheap. Wine isn’t and I only had 1 WKD. She replied straight away with ‘sharing is just what we do around here to be fair’
I’m totally and deliberately sidestepping the point of the thread here but when did ‘to be fair’ become such a conversational habit? The sort of people who use it add it in such a way that makes absolutely no sense. It really pisses me off. Anyway, as you were.
Mumbum2011 · 06/11/2020 20:24

She's a user. She must've thought she could get you to pay for their drinks. She should've thought about her kids trip before ordering bottles of wine - I love wine btw but not at the cost of other things!

notanoctopus · 06/11/2020 20:29

@Ddot

I used to get this alot, me a vegetarian meal and a beer, them starter, steak, pudding and wine. Oh lets just split equally. Taxis a couple and me, lets split half each, do I look like a couple, no I pay third but happens all the time and I used to be too embarrassed to say something. I'm financially embarrassed now so I pay for me end of.
Oh I hate the couple thing with rounds etc - split between number of people unless the couple are sharing a drink or a meal!
Newmumatlast · 06/11/2020 20:35

@EL8888

My reply back would be way harsher

“Maybe you need to learn to manage your money better and budget. You shouldn’t have gone out for dinner if you wanted to pay for the school trip”. I hate it when people do the “never mind” thing, it’s always so indulgent.

I get a vibe of CF so l wouldn’t even reply and wouldn’t ‘lend’ any money as you won’t see it again. She will justify it as you paying her back

I agree with this. She has been a dick to you so all bets are off.

I'm sorry you feel that way SIL but, if we are talking about being fair, it wasn't very fair of you to put drinking ahead of your child's needs. If the need to consume wine is causing you to get into financial difficulties, which it plainly is as you now cannot meet your parental responsibilities as a result, it has become a problem. I am more than happy to support you in getting the help you need but I am not willing to subsidise your addiction.

SHONNYSMUMMY · 06/11/2020 20:35

@WendyToba

The reply is a harsh one.

She said ‘We were just being nice inviting you out with us. Just thought you’d be kind and share. Never mind, but now I’m a bit skint. Can you lend me £10 until tomorrow? Need cash for a school trip that needs to be in after school today latest 🙏’

I’m really upset to read that. She knows I’m a bit lonely here. My own family are 70 miles away and I moved here as it’s H’s hometown. I thought I’d been included. Clearly I’m just an ATM. Awful as I’m just so lonely especially during COVID crisis

Don't you dare fall for this.. How cruel. If she didn't have enough money for the school trip she shouldn't have ate out! That £10 is to get money back from you. I'm so sorry your lonely not sure where you live but more than happy to have a chat with you anytime..
Newmumatlast · 06/11/2020 20:36

@Ddot

You normally find the people who want to split are the ones who eat the bloody most
absolutely this!
SHONNYSMUMMY · 06/11/2020 20:37

@WendyToba

Just in case anyone missed it, the trip is a nature trail. They do them quite often at the school. I don’t exactly know why it’s £10 when it sounds like a free thing, but I’m no judge since I don’t have a school aged DC

DH doesn’t speak to her much anymore as he thinks she’s embarrassing and ‘really quite rude’

follow DH
BadlyDrawnSimpsonsCharacter · 06/11/2020 20:43

Sooo she is happy to spend money on wine but won't save a tenner for a school trip? Something isn't right there OP. She sounds like a right cheeky fucker.

You did the right thing not paying for their wine!

langley281082 · 06/11/2020 20:49

Oh my goodness , I’ve just read her response about thought they were being nice by inviting you! I have no idea how to respond using your quote but felt I just had to message you. Firstly you sound so lovely and kind I can’t imagine how you must be feeling after receiving that message :(
Secondly , please don’t let ppl make you feel so low and let them talk to you like that . I’m shocked that your husbands sister thinks it’s ok to use you like a cash machine , speak to you in that way and expect you to take it! What is wrong with ppl!!? We are all struggling with the current situation and being apart from family and friends and to think she has sent you a message to suggest she knows you are lonely makes my blood boil. Mean spirited , selfish and very spoilt. I’m so sorry for you x x

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