Who is really unreasonable here? I’ve been made out to be awful

[WendyToba]

I went out to dinner yesterday with SIL, her two DC, my DC and a friend of hers.

It was just a Beefeater type of place so nothing fancy. DC was asleep by the time as got there for 6 so didn’t eat anything. I had a olives, plate of chicken nuggets, chips, a coke and a WKD. For desert I had a cheesecake.

SIL and her friend had a steak each with chips, few bottles of wine between them. No desert. SIL’s DC had a kids meal each with a drink, and a desert which was separate fo the child’s one that came with the meal, as they wanted something else.

I did a total in my head for my food to have been about £21/22, so put £25 down in cash. There was no discussion of splitting the bill, the others just paid their own by card.

Received a text this morning from SIL that said her friend really likes her but they both wondered why I didn’t offer to split all of the alcohol together? So my WKD, their bottle of wines and then split that between us. Pay for our own food. I replied because my WKD was cheap? She said why do I think that?

What on earth do I reply? She’s just said that via text. I think it’s a bit off... isn’t it?

Gosh. I think it says more about her then it does you OP. You seem really lovely and if I lived close to you I'd happily be your friend. So cheeky. She wanted to eat and drink what she fancied on someone else's money. That's not on.

If she is so skint she can't afford her child's trip she should be making sacrifices and not going out for meals to ensure she has the money. That's not your problem.

Don't let her get to you, you aren't wrong here at all and some people are so clueless. It's amazing how she's managed to talk herself into thinking she's actually sane asking you for money 🥴

I would get the menu, tot up what yours cost and tell her, my email cost £x, I paid, £x. Had I shared the bill equally, I would have had to pay £x. That wouldn’t have been fair.

Don’t go out with her again-you’re not her meal ticket.

‘sharing is just what we do around here to be fair’.......
except it's not really, is it?
CF

I think she’s being a bit cheeky OP. I agree with what everyone has been saying. Ask why she thinks you should be paying for their drinks? I don’t get the mind set of some people. Stick to your guns!!!! Don’t have none of their crap!

Reading the rest of her replies, she sounds like a bit of a greedy free loading bitch. Where are you situated? Think Most of us are in need of a nice friend like you. Don’t let her get to you. It’s her problem, not yours.

You are not being unreasonable at all. You paid more than you had to so contributed to their alcohol. In future just ask fir your bill separately

I am all for just splitting a bill with no quibbling, but saying that it must be fair. If they had bottles of wine and you only had one drink then that is very unfair and they should not of expected just to split the bill.

I feel sad for you, she has treated you like shit! Good on you for saying no. Stick to your guns. Perhaps she shouldn't have spent her money on booze. Then she could afford her child's trips. I'm shocked she was so rude when she wanted to ask you a favour!

So she went out for a meal with wine when she knew she had a school trip to pay for. She's trying it on. I wouldn't go out with them again.

So, your DH doesn’t want to know her, and they only asked you out to get you to pay a chunk of their spend?
Sack her off. What next time?

I feel for you OP, don't let your SIL get you down. On a side note I cannot believe 3% of people on here did not think SIL's actions were unreasonable - maybe its the SIL and her friends lol.

Stay well away! You’ll meet some genuine people soon, you sound lovely, it will
Just take time. Your SIL is appalling, nothing wrong with you, I can see why your DH dosen’t talk to her. Avoid from now on!

I really can’t stand this.
It’s always always the person who has steak plus all the trimmings and a dessert plus oodles and doodles of booze who expects the bill to be split, why?
Do these same people split food shopping bills or the cost of holidays too?
If I order a cheap meal and a coke, I’m not subsidising your expensive meal and bottles of wine.
Anyway op, with lockdown you won’t be going out with her again so don’t worry about it.

Cheeky fucker is an understatement when it comes to describing your SIL!

What an obnoxious little twat she is.

Tell her to get to fuck and then follow your DH’s lead and keep away from her in future.
She’s a chancer and a pisstaker and isn’t worth another moment of your time...or money!

Perhaps the cheeky cow should have thought of her daughter's school trip before going out for a meal that she couldn't afford?!

Trying to guilt trip you into believing it is your fault she is short of money is downright disgusting.

She wanted you to pay for her drinks to make her meal cheaper. No way.

I only ever split bills if we have all had similar, say all drinking and 2 courses each. If I have 2 courses and 1 drink and others have 3 courses and 6 drinks, why should I pay for that?

She is BU. You are not there to pay for her and her friend. I would say that.

A primary school is charging a tenner to break lockdown rules about non essential journeys take the kids for a walk to pick up sticks and leaves?

Like fuck are they.

She thought she would use money for a school trip on herself on the assumption you’d cover the cost of her booze?!

What a cheeky cunt.

I went out for lunch with a group of 5 women once. Four of us had the set menu and either a soft drink or small glass of wine, while the fifth person ate her way through the s la carts menu, which was considerably more costly. Guess which one suggested we split the bill? That’s right, the one whose food choices had cost about twice as much as anyone else’s! CF.

She is a selfish arse.

And you subsidising her alcohol is not sharing.

SIL sounds very cheeky and irresponsible! Why would she go out for dinner buying steak and wine if she knew she had a kids trip to pay for. And who goes out and drinks a bottle of wine whilst in charge of kids 😳😳😳

Needs to learn how to budget and that’s not your responsibility.

Sorry to hear your having a tough time - big hugs.

You sound like a cheap person. Tbh I wouldn’t want to go out to eat with friends or family that aren’t happy to split the bill equally. Embarrassing that you thought to use a calculator. Next time order three WKDs. YABU

I don't believe she needs the money for the trip, I think she's just trying to get the cash from you. I'll bet it wouldn't be a loan, you'd never see that tenner again. CF

Wow. Just.... wow 😳

WKD! That’s a blast from the past 😁