Who is really unreasonable here? I’ve been made out to be awful

[WendyToba]

I went out to dinner yesterday with SIL, her two DC, my DC and a friend of hers.

It was just a Beefeater type of place so nothing fancy. DC was asleep by the time as got there for 6 so didn’t eat anything. I had a olives, plate of chicken nuggets, chips, a coke and a WKD. For desert I had a cheesecake.

SIL and her friend had a steak each with chips, few bottles of wine between them. No desert. SIL’s DC had a kids meal each with a drink, and a desert which was separate fo the child’s one that came with the meal, as they wanted something else.

I did a total in my head for my food to have been about £21/22, so put £25 down in cash. There was no discussion of splitting the bill, the others just paid their own by card.

Received a text this morning from SIL that said her friend really likes her but they both wondered why I didn’t offer to split all of the alcohol together? So my WKD, their bottle of wines and then split that between us. Pay for our own food. I replied because my WKD was cheap? She said why do I think that?

What on earth do I reply? She’s just said that via text. I think it’s a bit off... isn’t it?

I agree with Langley. Did you enjoy her company? I'm guessing you felt uncomfortable. Why on earth didn't she raise it at the time? Anyway, she's a user. You don't need her in your life. There must be other mums you can pal.up with xx

@WendyToba

Okay, so I replied saying WKD is cheap. Wine isn’t and I only had 1 WKD. She replied straight away with ‘sharing is just what we do around here to be fair’

'Fair'?!

Stick to your guns here..

I would be half tempted to pay a tenner or whatever, invite them out again and you down the cocktails..then tell them its unfair if they don't sub your alcohol..bet their attitude changes then!

A wkd blue? 😱🤮🤮

She sounds very cheeky almost as if she invited you out knowing you would drink less and then end up paying for them.

Well done for standing up for yourself.

But you would be "lending" her the money not "borrowing". She would be borrowing except she isn't hopefully as she is a CF.

Hadnt read on..

She said ‘We were just being nice inviting you out with us. Just thought you’d be kind and share. Never mind, but now I’m a bit skint. Can you lend me £10 until tomorrow? Need cash for a school trip that needs to be in after school today latest

Nah. my idea wouldnt work at all with a CF like this. She needs to lend a tenner because SHE bought loads of wine?! Good god, she knew she needed the tenner, so why drink like a fish and expect someone else to pick up the tab..

@Greenkit

I would reply

Gosh I didn't know I needed to pay for your company, thanks for.letting me know. I will give it a miss next time x

I'm sure there are less Granby people out there that you could spend you time with x

This ^

Ewww her reply reads to me like...we invited you in hopes you’d split the bill and make it cheaper for us...cheeky cow, don’t go out with her again and I hope you’ve told her to shuv that tenner up her arse! How about she asks her friend for it!
Sorry this has happened OP!

@BuffaloMozzerella

God OP that's a hideous reply from her. So she basically wanted a night out she couldn't afford and funded by you. And you should be grateful for your pity invite and fund her today instead.

Wow.

I would tell her her reply is extremely hurtful and no you will not be lending her any money.

Absolutely this. She's deliberately hurtful and then asks you to sub a school trip. Don't even reply.

Just to add she also needs to check her priorities too, who the fuck spends money on wine when they know their kids need money?!
Have I got this parenting thing wrong putting my kids wants/needs first or?

What a cow.

@WendyToba

The reply is a harsh one.

She said ‘We were just being nice inviting you out with us. Just thought you’d be kind and share. Never mind, but now I’m a bit skint. Can you lend me £10 until tomorrow? Need cash for a school trip that needs to be in after school today latest 🙏’

I’m really upset to read that. She knows I’m a bit lonely here. My own family are 70 miles away and I moved here as it’s H’s hometown. I thought I’d been included. Clearly I’m just an ATM. Awful as I’m just so lonely especially during COVID crisis

Bless you op.

Fwiw, I would have replied to her "sharing" text with "ok, noted for next time" and then ghost her on future invites. Unfortunately with folk like this, when you call them out they just double down. Sadly she isn't a friend to you. Sorry op xx

Cheeky fucking bitch.

She was just being nice inviting you out?

Cheeky bitch.

In my experience it's ALWAYS the people who have the alcohol and expensive food that make a fuss about wanting to share the bill. It's so rude!
As a vegetarian non-drinker, it pisses me off immensely and I always make sure I say very clearly that I'm only paying for mine at the time.
Amy pushback and I laugh and comment how silly that would be as then I (and any other non-drinkers/light eaters) would be the only ones out of pocket by subsiding everyone else

Cheeky cheeky fuckers

Free loader

I'm with Mitzi - I don't believe the money is needed for the school trip at all. Even if we weren't in the middle of COVID restrictions, 'forest school' is usually a regular, included activity and not something that they'd charge parents a tenner for.

Ironically, she's criticising you for being unfair and implying that you're the bad guy for insisting on working out the costs rather than just do it 'the easy way' by splitting it, yet she has obviously pre-calculated it so that she wouldn't have to spend more than she had allocated.

Even if you'd eaten the same, she still knew that she had two children, you only had one (much younger than hers, by the sound of it) and her friend had none, so splitting equally between the adults was already going to leave her quids in. You would only normally discount the children from the splitting calculations when it's extended family, so everybody there is the children's parent/aunt/uncle/grandparent anyway.

In her mind, because you thwarted her CF plan, you 'owe' her that tenner and she is determined to get it. Unfortunately for her, she thinks that claiming it's for a child's school trip rather than a takeaway or something makes you sound bad for depriving a child, but she isn't bright enough to realise that, in fact, it just makes it clear that she is the one who has chosen to prioritise her booze over her own child. Anybody furnished with the simple facts will quickly conclude that one of you is a complete disgrace....and it isn't you.

I can sort of see how CFs will chance their arm and try to score themselves a subbie if they can get away with it, but to persist with it so angrily once you realise that your intended mark wasn't born yesterday is extremely desperate and very pathetic indeed.

I'd message back saying that if she was so skint she shouldn't have been drinking her kids school money. Fucking cheek.

@justanotherneighinparadise

Well the simple answer to that is no isn’t it. I guess she’s shown her true colours and hasn’t tried to hide them. So she has that in her favour. She invited you, got lashed on booze assuming you’d pay a third of the bill and is now lashing out at you that’s shes skint.

My text back would read, ‘ah sorry to hear that. I didn’t realise you were hoping I’d subsidise your drinking, you should have been clearer on the night. Unfortunately I spent my last tenner on a meal out with some piss taking alcoholics, otherwise it would be all yours’.

I’d be fascinated where the school is planning to take the kids? The Range perhaps 🤔

😂😂😂😂 Absolutely spot on

So basically they ate and drank with impunity thinking you would happily subsidise them and they've now got the arse because they were left footing their own bill?

Charming.

I would text her back and say: it may well be the way you do things but there's nothing fair in the expectation that you can both consume what you want and someone else will pay for it? I think it's best you both go out without me from now on as I will never split the bill if it's not a fair split but thanks for the nice evening.

Don't go out with them again. Your SIL was clearly showing off to her friend and it didn't go as she planned. That's her problem and it's too much drama.

Sorry OP your SIL sounds awful, rude and greedy. How awful for you. Sending a virtual hug at this crappy time 💗

Honestly OP, don't etvstonthe money.

Focus more on the fact that you are so lonely, having moved miles from family on home for a family that includes your SIL.
AKA, ghastly.

Think good and hard before you attach yourself and a possible future child to such a family.

They sound so rough.
Protect yourself.

We often split bills with friends and easy to do when you have roughly the same but if one of us has cocktails or the expensive steak and others have cheaper we pay the extra
As long as you covered all you has you have done nothing wrong and bottles wine aren't cheap when eating out

you didn't have a WKD, you had a coke too - prob the same price as a cheap bottle of plonk. How many bottles of wine did they have? I find it hard to believe that they had a full bottle each over a meal - with children there? let alone 'a few' that's a heavy drinking session and far more of an issue than the bill! By 'a few' do you mean 3? They must have been paralytic! Or was it more like half a bottle each and you were being grumpy because she'd rocked up with her friend in tow and so you got sulky, didn't drink and wouldn't split the bill?
If they'd downed 'a few' bottles, at 6pm, with kids, between 2 of them then that would be the subject of this post - I smell BS, and you were being mean.

Most certainly are NOT being unreasonable, and if they "both" wondered why you were not volunteering to pay for their booze.... why did they not say something at the time, rather than hiding behind a text??

We don't drink much. We always state that we will pay for drinks separately. We have been burned too many times.

I’m so sorry you’ve had these awful messages, I would be distancing myself from her as even though you’re lonely, sometimes it’s better than being around people that are trying to take advantage and make you feel bad about yourself. She’s a cheeky bitch and I would be furious with her. She probably knows she’s being nasty too but just thinks she can get away with it. I’m glad you replied to her in the way you did, let’s hope she’s been put in her place. Her friend sounds like a grabby cow too, I would rather eat lunch with my child and no one else then with those two who are clearly just looking to have their wine subsidised. “We share around here” piss off! I wonder if that would have been their attitude if you had had a bottle of wine to yourself and they just had a WKD?! Cheeky f’s!