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AIBU?

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Original poster

so we are now arresting people NOW Shocking

673 replies

Meadow1203 · 05/11/2020 11:37

I thought this was wind up but sadly it is true. A 73 year old retired nurse has been arrested and put in handcuffs because she took her own mother out of a care home. She has not had proper contact for 9 months and her poor 97 year old mum was ailing, she wanted to bring her home to care for her. Wow just wow how have we come to this.

OP posts:
Unsure33 · 05/11/2020 13:00

@Halliehallie9828

No one is disputing that she should just have done it through the correct procedure .

It looked very distressing for the lady herself - as it was all filmed …..

ShowingOut · 05/11/2020 13:00

[quote Halliehallie9828]@CuriousaboutSamphire the 97year old women hasn’t been able to see her family properly in 9 months and was deteriorating.
If the daughters willing to care for her then I don’t blame her.[/quote]
Then the daughter should have gone about it in the proper way, not just barged in and shoved people out of the way.

Shuddawuddacudda · 05/11/2020 13:01

Where anywhere does it state or show or demonstrate or document that a care home worker was assaulted?

LzzyHale · 05/11/2020 13:01

There are tens of thousands of relatives struggling to care for partners, parents, and children, on a daily basis. Social Services are usually more than happy for these carers to run themselves into the ground.
My mother and I were on our knees trying to look after my dad, begging for help. We got next to nothing.
Interesting now, to read on this thread that relatives cant look after someone with dementia.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/11/2020 13:02

[quote Halliehallie9828]@CuriousaboutSamphire the 97year old women hasn’t been able to see her family properly in 9 months and was deteriorating.
If the daughters willing to care for her then I don’t blame her.[/quote]
So...

  1. Why 9 months? Why could/did they not see her prior to lockdown?
  2. She is deteriorating, needs more specialised care
  3. They have no idea how she is, they haven't seen her for 9 months
  4. If the daughter is willing then she has proper legal avenues to do so
  5. This was a spur of the moment, unplanned action. They had nothing in place to ensure her safety!

What is it about any of that you would want to defend as being right?

They could have followed proper channels, as others have done, see link upthread!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/11/2020 13:02

@Shuddawuddacudda

Where anywhere does it state or show or demonstrate or document that a care home worker was assaulted?
FFS! The granddaughter says it herself!
Shuddawuddacudda · 05/11/2020 13:03

LzzyHale I wonder whether the 97 year old lady in question was paying privately for the care home, rather than the government paying......

Sirzy · 05/11/2020 13:03

[quote Unsure33]@Halliehallie9828

No one is disputing that she should just have done it through the correct procedure .

It looked very distressing for the lady herself - as it was all filmed …..[/quote]
That’s what happens when you drag someone with dementia out of their home!

ShowingOut · 05/11/2020 13:04

Also, this lady will be on carefully measured out medications. But they just wanted to grab her and take her away without any of them Hmm

Unsure33 · 05/11/2020 13:04

@CuriousaboutSamphire

also in a tv interview this morning she used the words " the plan"

which contradicted her excuse that it was a spur of the moment thing .

Sorry I think there is something not right about it .

I have been saying for ages that there must be a way of allowing visits in a safe way and would back a campaign to get care home managers to support this - but I am afraid I cant condone what they did and then filming the poor lady involved . It does not sit right with me . IMO

Shuddawuddacudda · 05/11/2020 13:04

FFS! The granddaughter says it herself! I must be watching a different video then, because I see no evidence or statement from anyone that the daughter assaulted anyone.

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 05/11/2020 13:05

I think the lady's family know what is best for her, This would not have happened if our stupid government had not made such ridiculous decisions. Please stop being so dramatic re the "assault" Carer had not right to stop her. Many of these people have a very little time left why not let them see their families. My dad no doubt will think we don't care about him. Is this how we should treat our dear old people. Shame on anyone who thinks this is ok

OP posts:
VeganVeal · 05/11/2020 13:06

Rules is rules

ShowingOut · 05/11/2020 13:07

@Meadow1203

I think the lady's family know what is best for her, This would not have happened if our stupid government had not made such ridiculous decisions. Please stop being so dramatic re the "assault" Carer had not right to stop her. Many of these people have a very little time left why not let them see their families. My dad no doubt will think we don't care about him. Is this how we should treat our dear old people. Shame on anyone who thinks this is ok
So why didn't they ask for and get permission to take her home, then?

Carer has every right to stop them, because they are in charge of safeguarding their residents.

Musicalmistress · 05/11/2020 13:07

@Meadow1203

If a care worker tried to stop me taking mu dad out of his home if I wanted to take him I would have shoved her too. The woman is retired nurse and can take care of her needs. Really please don not try and justify this
Do you only want responses that agree with your perspective? If so AIBU is not the place to post!
Sirzy · 05/11/2020 13:08

@Meadow1203

I think the lady's family know what is best for her, This would not have happened if our stupid government had not made such ridiculous decisions. Please stop being so dramatic re the "assault" Carer had not right to stop her. Many of these people have a very little time left why not let them see their families. My dad no doubt will think we don't care about him. Is this how we should treat our dear old people. Shame on anyone who thinks this is ok
I think it’s exceptionally naieve to think that relatives always have the best interest of their relative in mind.

If they did have her best intentions in mind then they would have arranged a sensible controlled move not a spur of the moment one with nothing in place for her safety and wellbeing.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 05/11/2020 13:09

I think the lady's family know what is best for her But that's just not always the case, is it?

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 05/11/2020 13:10

Curious you clearly have never been in a position trying to deal with the authorities in cases like this. I have and it was a bloody nightmare. in this case they have been trying get power of attorney and failing miserably because the system is a nigh on impossible. They have run out of time the lady is 97

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 05/11/2020 13:10

If they did have her best intentions in mind then they would have arranged a sensible controlled move not a spur of the moment one with nothing in place for her safety and wellbeing.

^^This.

MoonJelly · 05/11/2020 13:10

This lady has advanced dementia and her family would spend time helping to feed her, as you know this is a big thing with dementia patients. I would imagine carers to not have the time to feed a resident up to 2 hours.

I wouldn't bet on the family ever having spent a moment on helping to feed this lady, given that apparently they hadn't visited in the three months prior to lockdown.

The fact that you "imagine" that carers haven't had time to feed the resident doesn't mean that it bears any resemblance whatsoever to reality. You're just embellishing the facts to suit your argument.

Halliehallie9828 · 05/11/2020 13:11
  1. Why 9 months? Why could/did they not see her prior to lockdown?

How am I supposed to know that?! .. I’m not related to them.

  1. She is deteriorating, needs more specialised care

Or she’s not being cared for adequately...

  1. They have no idea how she is, they haven't seen her for 9 months

I assume they have done window visits and chatted on the phone at some point to know how she is.

  1. If the daughter is willing then she has proper legal avenues to do so

Oh well... she didn’t. She was trying to look after her mum. I don’t blame her for acting instead of filling in a load of paperwork.

  1. This was a spur of the moment, unplanned action. They had nothing in place to ensure her safety!

How do you know what they have and haven’t got to ensure her safety.

BLASTPROCESSING · 05/11/2020 13:11

"I think the lady's family know what is best for her, This would not have happened if our stupid government had not made such ridiculous decisions. Please stop being so dramatic re the "assault" Carer had not right to stop her. Many of these people have a very little time left why not let them see their families. My dad no doubt will think we don't care about him. Is this how we should treat our dear old people. Shame on anyone who thinks this is ok"

If we're playing "do you know how it feels to have relatives in care homes with dementia" olympics, yes I do; my grandmother died on Good Friday (you know, during the height of last lockdown) in a care home with Alzheimer's and dementia. No fucking way would I ever agree with shoving my way into a care home and assaulting (because it IS assault, even if you think it's ok) staff to drag her out of there. My mum and her sister are BOTH nurses; even they couldn't give her the 24/7 care she needed. Did they even consider the effect this might have on the woman they purport to love sooooo much?

Original poster
Meadow1203 · 05/11/2020 13:12

Sirzy I am talking about this case. some people don't give a shit about their relatives. But when it comes to people being hand cuffed and arrested for wanting to see their own mother then it is a very sad world we live in

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 05/11/2020 13:12

I think they've done this for publicity. In this report the GD claims that they did try to go down the legal route, but time is against them.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/scots-nurse-73-arrested-cops-22959208.amp&ved=2ahUKEwi6x7HGuOvsAhUfQxUIHcqBBAMQFjAQegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw0iW_hBUeuJOvgtd92Hx3DQ&ampcf=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/scots-nurse-73-arrested-cops-22959208.amp&ved=2ahUKEwi6x7HGuOvsAhUfQxUIHcqBBAMQFjAQegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw0iW_hBUeuJOvgtd92Hx3DQ&ampcf=1

It's nine months since some care homes locked down, they didn't wait for Boris to finish faffing.

Sadly we don't know the full facts. There isn't always an answer to Dementia patients stopping eating, they are coming to the end of their lives. Some families struggle with accepting that we can't live forever. It brings up the ethical dilemma of how far we go to keep people alive who are way past the natural age of death and in what state.

Her actions put every resident at risk. That's the problem, even if you have all decided that you are happy to die (people like this usually haven't and call for ongoing interventions) , other people in the home haven't. They deserve protection.

She was probably placed in handcuffs because restraining her could cause damage, given her age. This is a woman happy to assault others who are just doing their job.

Sirzy · 05/11/2020 13:12

@Meadow1203

Curious you clearly have never been in a position trying to deal with the authorities in cases like this. I have and it was a bloody nightmare. in this case they have been trying get power of attorney and failing miserably because the system is a nigh on impossible. They have run out of time the lady is 97
Someone with dementia at the stage this ladies appears to be wouldn’t have the capacity to agree so a POA wouldn’t be able to be put in place at this stage.

That’s why it’s important to consider these things early on