Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't stingy?

309 replies

WaterOffADucksCrack · 03/11/2020 21:17

Dp has just got home from work and complained at the "stingy" portions left for him. This consists of 5 (good quality) sausages, carrots, peas, broccoli and a large bowl of mash (3 generous portions). Aibu to think this is not stingy at all?

Fwiw he has already eaten breakfast, a pack up and a bacon and egg sandwich from a food van ( I only know this as h3 messaged me). And I know someone is going to ask if I underfeed him (it isn't my job to feed him) but he is 5ft 9 and at least 20 stone.

OP posts:
Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 04/11/2020 16:17

Likeariverthat I know, I work in care. I've said this to him so many times but he refuses to see a doctor.

ThistleWitch It is what I would consider to be a generous 3 portions. DP says my portions are tiny so that's why I'm unsure of myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 04/11/2020 16:18

Apileofballyhoo I've already said it's to do with budget. You have a weird obsession with wanting people to be scared. It's creepy.

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 16:21

@WaterOffADucksCrack

Likeariverthat I know, I work in care. I've said this to him so many times but he refuses to see a doctor.

ThistleWitch It is what I would consider to be a generous 3 portions. DP says my portions are tiny so that's why I'm unsure of myself.

How is he with money and the financial side of things? Have you told him you can't afford for him to eat the way he wants to?
Wishihadanalgorithm · 04/11/2020 16:26

2 sausages, 3 if very hungry. Anymore is plain greedy and unnecessary.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/11/2020 16:30

@WaterOffADucksCrack if you are both unsure about portion sizes, I very highly recommend getting scales up and looking up recommended portions or use suggestions from producers. It's really eye opening! Can be shocking in fact. That way you will both see what is the good portion and I think it would really help your talks too. No "you don't know what's a portion" argument. That's it. This is the portion. It's hard, but it has to be done

Apileofballyhoo · 04/11/2020 16:36

@WaterOffADucksCrack

Apileofballyhoo I've already said it's to do with budget. You have a weird obsession with wanting people to be scared. It's creepy.
Not at all. Just hate seeing people being afraid to stand up for themselves when they are being treated unfairly by others. But it's your choice to do without so he can have more. Good luck with everything.
Wyntersdiary · 04/11/2020 16:50

Who the fk eats 5 sausages ... That's disgusting :/ I understand what it's like to be obese but fk me I would never eat 5 sausages in one sitting. He seems to not understand that that's more than 1 portion so isn't stingy at all he's just very overweight

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/11/2020 17:46

Its not ideal if you are overweight, but its not disgusting, no need for that.

AlwaysLatte · 04/11/2020 18:22

5 sausages! Blimey, my husband (chooses to) eat two!
We usually put all the dishes on the table and everyone has what they want rather than me trying to second guess what everyone's appetites are that day. That said, if you did that he might scoff the lot by the sound of it. If he is 20 stone at 5 foot 9 that's pretty bad as his BMI will be well into the obese zone. He definitely needs help overcoming what is likely a food addiction but in the meantime I'd steer clear of high fat foods and just cook meals that can't really be too calorific even if you overload your plate.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/11/2020 18:54

Op, If you want to shock him, ask him if he plans to start saving for extra costs on large coffin and cremation or if he wants to stop overeating👍 That shocked me🤷🏻

Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 04/11/2020 19:16

Apileofballyhoo I'll just magic more money out of my arse 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 04/11/2020 19:19

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble Yes when I say "there is X amount left for food until payday" he says "it'll be fine stop worrying". It's like he just doesn't want to face it.

OP posts:
Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 04/11/2020 19:21

Its not ideal if you are overweight, but its not disgusting, no need for that. I think that poster was saying it's disgusting to eat that amount, not that it's disgusting to be overweight.

OP posts:
Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 04/11/2020 19:22

SchrodingersImmigrant thank you for the tip!

OP posts:
kowari · 04/11/2020 19:23

I think Apileofballyhoo is saying that you should not go without, as you should be able to spend what you have budgeted on food, but you should get to eat your fair share of that. One person eating more than half the food is not fair.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 19:25

@WaterOffADucksCrack

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble Yes when I say "there is X amount left for food until payday" he says "it'll be fine stop worrying". It's like he just doesn't want to face it.
That's a whole new level of selfishness.

Depending on how determined and fed up with this you are I would...

Set up a budget for food for me and the kids and one for him. He gets that money to buy his own food,cook it, eat it. If it runs out, tough it's plain pasta or beans on toast or eggs on toast.

Let him see how he's eating hundreds a month and have to deal with the worry of money running out.

Do you have a joint account or separate?

I'm asking ,because this will only work if you can ring fence money for bills,essentials etc .

Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 04/11/2020 19:37

kowari well then they need to express that rather than trying to make someone feel scared when they don't feel that way at all 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
WaterOffADucksCrack · 04/11/2020 19:39

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble We have a joint account for bills and separate accounts for everything else. If he ran out of money he would just "borrow" from his family.

OP posts:
kowari · 04/11/2020 19:45

@WaterOffADucksCrack

kowari well then they need to express that rather than trying to make someone feel scared when they don't feel that way at all 😂
Well if you are not scared then why are you going without? It sounds like you can afford food for all of you, if one person was not eating more than half of it!
BiblioX · 04/11/2020 19:48

My husband is 6ft 4, and costs a fortune to keep full lol. He was badly neglected as a child and always finishes everything on his plate as he’s known true hunger bless him...I have never given him more than four sausages and he wouldn’t dream of calling me stingy, that’s really unpleasant when someone has done you the courtesy of making you a meal. We are poor sadly so I have to bulk out meals with lots of spuds, cheap veg etc but the kids have 1 sausage, me two, him four...and a mash mountain!

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 19:56

@WaterOffADucksCrack

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble We have a joint account for bills and separate accounts for everything else. If he ran out of money he would just "borrow" from his family.
That's actually fine. Let him be their problem and it's his problem how he pays them back. Let him be responsible for buying everything,cooking it etc.

Worst case scenario,nothing changes but you won't be shouted at for being stingy.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 04/11/2020 19:59

DP says my portions are tiny so that's why I'm unsure of myself.

But why are you unsure? He is morbidly obese, will eat his families food with no care for them.

He's awful and I don't say this often but you need to leave. He's an extremely poor role model for your children.

Is there co-dependency between you both? There's a very odd dynamic.

What happens when he raids the cupboards? Do you say anything to him?

kowari · 04/11/2020 20:03

Only an abusive parent takes food out of the mouths of their own children. I agree that you need to leave.

CorianderLord · 04/11/2020 20:10

That's enormous, but then he's very overweight so his portion sizes are clearly unusual.

Anyone shouting at you when your work FT and have young kids can fuck off. I wouldn't cook for him anymore - he can do it himself.

Blueuggboots · 04/11/2020 20:17

FIVE sausages??!! 3 portions of mash?
He's greedy and understandably overweight at 20 stone....