To be worried my daughter is never going to progress

[Noplans2020]

Had the first parents evening tonight of year one. DD is five and only did half of reception due to covid! She has also isolated for two weeks so only did five weeks of this term. So missed a quarter of this term.

In reception both parents evenings were about her struggling to understand instructions such as go to your peg etc. She needed alot of guidance. But the second parents evening was a little improved. They also said she just wasn't quite ready for the work side of it. I got her hearing and eyes tested ten months ago as requested by the school. All was fine.

So over lockdown I've taught her to write different size words and read up to four letter words. She's writing beautifully at home. Great at lists. Always drawing. Able to write some words now with no guidance. Also her behaviour and stuff is so much better. She takes herself to bed now when it's time. She listens and behaves. She's helpful. She is really independent. Caring. Really interested in learning. She loves one on one for learning.

Teacher calls tonight. Says she finds someone to play with everyday and is happy. She said that's all they can ask for at this point. She then asked if we had any concerns. I asked how she was doing as she had support last year and was struggling abit with certain parts. Then the teacher spent the final 7 minutes of the chat focused on the same things as her last teacher. Is it her hearing? Do we have concerns at home? Apparently if she asks her to go to her tray she doesn't do it straight away. It's like she doesn't grasp it apparently still. Also when she's asked to copy of the board she will do her own thing. She sent me a piece of work and apparently wanted to show me because it was very creative. It was a whole page of letters and no obvious words. She then said she was supposed to copy three little sentances of the board but did that instead. She said she wasn't sure how to help her understand but said she would keep an eye and write anything in the book if she's concerned and wants to discuss it.

Anyway. Third parents evening. Same problems. No better a year on.

I've done everything I can. As far as I knew she was able to do these things. I'm always writing words for her to copy. Always doing work with her at home. I read with her. She has a tablet with learning games. She writes, colours, cuts and paints at home.

I just don't know why she can't follow what she needs to be doing?

I'm worried she's just not ready for the environment. Yet she loves going.

Any advice?

She loves going... that’s all that matters.

She’s so young please don’t worry, happiness is key the rest will follow.

She loves going... that’s all that matters.

I agree. She's just 5 years old, and it sounds to me as though she's doing well with writing, crafts, etc. I'm thinking she may just get a little excited and distracted when at school, but that is not unusual at her age and should work itself out. I would not be concerned at this point. Just keep doing what you're doing and talk to her about her experience at school.

@Noplans2020 have they suggested a speech and language referral at any point? In reception with these difficulties we’d usually refer to speech and language for a full understanding assessment. I would ask for this if I was you, purely because it takes a long time for it to be picked up by the Sp&L team.

Hi no concerns or mentions about that. They said she's creative and tells them exactly what she thinks she's written.

She talks fine etc.

OP she is 5 YABU

I had to fight not to get my daughter statemented in year 1 as she couldn't read a three letter word. She didn't concentrate. In year 2 when she was ready to read I kind of took over.
She struggled all the way in primary and slowly moved up at her own rate.
She has just got good A level results and is going to uni next year.

It could be a processing issue or a concentration issue.

So it doesn't show up at home in a nice quiet environment with just you 1-1, but when put in an over-stimulating classroom of 30 she can't focus properly or process what is being asked.

Have a look at dyspraxia just in case, she sounds a bit like my eldest might have been at that age.

Have you asked your DD? Have you said that Miss sometimes thinks she doesn't understand instructions and see what your DD says about it?

Do you think she understands what is being asked of her and is simply ignoring/choosing not to? Or does not understand? Does she follow instructions/do as she is told at home?

She is 5!!! Schooling in this country is insane. She will progress, OP.

Also when you say you have "taught her to read up to 4 letter words" do you mean taught her phonics concepts and she is managing to blend 4 letter words, or do you mean you've taught her to recognise some whole words? There's a huge difference.

She may be shy and find it overwhelming when asked to do something, and shut down a little bit?

It could also be she’s struggling with processing the request due to noise levels etc in class - does she tell you anything about school being noisy when you ask her?

I agree she could do with an assessment of some sort. Speech and language would be a good place to start (they check for a lot more than just ability to speak). It also might be worth having someone in to observe her in class to see if they can work out whats going on, maybe the SENCO for starters.

There's are obvious differences between working at home and in class. For a start she might struggle to follow instructions in a noisy, busy environment, she may struggle with attention or concentration when there's other stuff going on.

I think if teachers are concerned enough to mention it it is worth investigating. Remember - they see 100s of children over the years and know what's typical and what falls outside what would be expected for a child of this age.

I think the people saying YABU are wrong.

Yes she is only 5, but teachers are flagging up issues. It is far better to actively consider whether there might be something hindering learning than wait another 2 or 3 years when things might be worse.

She might just be young / immature. But if there is an issue better find out sooner and put adjustments in place than wait until she is behind, and she and her peers notice and her self esteem gets knocked.

She loves doing work at home she's always asking for a word list and 80% of her play is drawing, counting and writing. It's her favourite things to do. She takes school in and seems really positive and happy. Her homework that I help with is neat and my family think her writings beautiful for 5. Infact my sister said she's better than her eight year old. But at school she's not concentrating. They said she's happy and good etc. Just she isn't grasping it.

I was annoyed it's not on her records she was tested for hearing already. As the school requested it already.

I honestly don't know. I've asked her tonight to try copy exactly what the teacher says and to go to her tray straight away when asked. But I'm not there and her behaviour at school doesn't add up to what I see at all. She's so bright at home.

It does sound like it could be a processing or concentration issue. My daughter is 9 and I’ve only just realised that she’s like this. Every thing I say to her elicits a “what?” response? It’s not that she can’t hear, she doesn’t even need me to repeat myself, she just needs extra time to process what is said.

But like everyone says, she’s only 5 and she hasn’t even had much schooling compared with a normal year.

If school offer any help (SALT input etc) then take it, but equally I wouldn’t stress too much about it.

I have a child with additional needs relating to language & communication and to be honest, the things you have said in your posts would be making me want to have a SALT referral. To exclude there being any issues and it just being a case of her being 5. But I’d listen to the teachers.

Ask for advice from the SENCO- she might have a sensory processing issue . Does she know that she is supposed to do things when asked at school ? There are also simple things that the SENCO or teacher can do such as sit her at the front of the class, pictures of tasks so she can be reminded to keep on task. The teachers do see and understand a whole range of abilities though so they are obviously picking something up and really the earlier the better.

Don't overly worry though. It doesn't mean she will always have issues, she may just need a bit of extra help.

For now I'd keep an eye on it and just keep working with her at home. Focus on activities that require listening - perhaps look at games like sound bingo, Simon says etc to help practice this in a fun way.

Otherwise it sounds like she is happy and doing great, keep working at it and things will click eventually.

I would strongly, strongly urge you to get your daughter's hearing checked for starters. Classrooms are noisy places so even a little bit of hearing loss (say from glue ear) can be a problem that you wouldnt necessarily pick up at home. Then I'd get her eyes tested.

If that's all fine, yes I'd ask for SALT referral (actually I'd insist on one). Only when all that came back ok would I shrug and say "ok it's just age".

That said, it is very clear that your daughter is making great progress and has many strengths, so I wouldn't be unduly worried about her future long term. I would however want to get to the bottom of what is going on at school to ensure she gets the best possible educational experience there.

She sounds very similar to my 8 year old who is awaiting assesment for inattentive ADHD.
He works well one to one in the quiet environment of home. And he can hyper focus on things he's interested in.
Reliably maintaining focus and following instructions at school is a huge poblem though.

Copying sentences at five sounds a bit full-on to me. My children were five when they started school, so they could barely write at that age. They're not UK educated though.

I think people fail to realize just how loud classroom environment is and what a difference it is from a 1 to 1 at home. I’m a “input” person, I struggle to concentrate and process everything around me: sounds and visual input.
Even if your daughter isn’t like this for a young child it can be difficult to concentrate or simply just hear what she is being asked to do.

As others have said, I’d focus on doing activities at home and as long as she is happy to go, then not worry yet.

@OverTheRainbow88

She loves going... that’s all that matters.

She’s so young please don’t worry, happiness is key the rest will follow.

I agree with that.

Every thing I say to her elicits a “what?” response? It’s not that she can’t hear, she doesn’t even need me to repeat myself, she just needs extra time to process what is said.

My boss at work is exactly the same and he's very intelligent and probably on £100k+.

Apparently if she asks her to go to her tray she doesn't do it straight away. It's like she doesn't grasp it apparently still. Also when she's asked to copy of the board she will do her own thing

The teachers are telling you that your daughter has difficulty understanding and following instructions.

First step is to check her hearing in case it's an auditory processing issue.

If that's fine, then second step as Babamamasheep suggested is to make an appointment for her to see a speech and language therapist who will investigate why this is happening and offer helpful strategies for you and for school. It can be as simple as breaking down instructions into smaller steps for her.

There are several reasons why some children cannot process and follow instructions, but if it's not addressed now, school life will become increasingly difficult for her.