To be worried my daughter is never going to progress

[Noplans2020]

Had the first parents evening tonight of year one. DD is five and only did half of reception due to covid! She has also isolated for two weeks so only did five weeks of this term. So missed a quarter of this term.

In reception both parents evenings were about her struggling to understand instructions such as go to your peg etc. She needed alot of guidance. But the second parents evening was a little improved. They also said she just wasn't quite ready for the work side of it. I got her hearing and eyes tested ten months ago as requested by the school. All was fine.

So over lockdown I've taught her to write different size words and read up to four letter words. She's writing beautifully at home. Great at lists. Always drawing. Able to write some words now with no guidance. Also her behaviour and stuff is so much better. She takes herself to bed now when it's time. She listens and behaves. She's helpful. She is really independent. Caring. Really interested in learning. She loves one on one for learning.

Teacher calls tonight. Says she finds someone to play with everyday and is happy. She said that's all they can ask for at this point. She then asked if we had any concerns. I asked how she was doing as she had support last year and was struggling abit with certain parts. Then the teacher spent the final 7 minutes of the chat focused on the same things as her last teacher. Is it her hearing? Do we have concerns at home? Apparently if she asks her to go to her tray she doesn't do it straight away. It's like she doesn't grasp it apparently still. Also when she's asked to copy of the board she will do her own thing. She sent me a piece of work and apparently wanted to show me because it was very creative. It was a whole page of letters and no obvious words. She then said she was supposed to copy three little sentances of the board but did that instead. She said she wasn't sure how to help her understand but said she would keep an eye and write anything in the book if she's concerned and wants to discuss it.

Anyway. Third parents evening. Same problems. No better a year on.

I've done everything I can. As far as I knew she was able to do these things. I'm always writing words for her to copy. Always doing work with her at home. I read with her. She has a tablet with learning games. She writes, colours, cuts and paints at home.

I just don't know why she can't follow what she needs to be doing?

I'm worried she's just not ready for the environment. Yet she loves going.

Any advice?

@amusedbush and other mummy aspergers who have commented on here. Do you have any advice for my 12 year old DD who feels like she’s been beamed to earth and is an alien among “normal” people?

She’s never really had a friend. Having had some SLT we worked on social wonder questions in a small girls group one hour per week for a few weeks DD says it’s not helpful and the questions are staged and not natural.

She has good eye contact, asks decent questions but fails to build deep relationships with anyone even though I know she’d love to have a friend.

I tell her often that friends will come in the future, to give it time. I hope that might be true. Would you have any advice about how to help her accept how she is? She also struggles with auditory processing disorder and can’t pick out conversations in busy environments like the school dining hall for instance so she often eats in silence.

I wish I could help her but I can’t change an her into an NT just wish I could make the world an easier place and kinder/more accepting. She’s extremely bright and very good visual oral memory. Can learn lines in a play or a poem in a heartbeat. Can still quote full episodes of Peppa Pig! And very good mathematician. So many wonderful things about her, great sense of humour. But just this one area relating in a social context to her peer group. So so hard. Thank you for any thoughts.

@TagMeQuick I can only comment on the auditory processing disorder I would investigate on whether having Johansen Therapy would help. I know a fabulous practitioner in Windsor/Petersfield. He also does neuro development delay treatment that can help many who are autistic feel calmer etc. Reduce anxiety?

Thank you @RandomMess. I have not heard of that therapy before. Maybe I could take your practioner’s name? Yes please. We’re not that close to Windsor but I could make a few trips if it seems like a good fit. Finding qualified genuine help is like the literal needle in a haystack, sadly. So will travel for sure.

@RandomMess If you don’t mind me jumping in, I think you’ve summarised the autistic experience pretty well when you say your DD feels like an alien beamed down from another planet And of course you wish the world was a kinder and more accepting place, but sadly that just isn’t going to happen. I think all SEN parents feel this way.

I’m undiagnosed but I no longer have any doubts that I’m autistic (I might have approached my HO had COVID not happened) and one of the most important journeys I’ve been on is self-acceptance. I’ve spent my entire life feeling like I’ve failed at friendships, failed at being likeable, failed at masking my innate social awkwardness, and generally felt like a rubbish human being. Over the last couple of years I’ve realised it’s not that at all! I am wired differently and I can’t help it 🤷‍♀️ The best I would hope for in your shoes is that your DD eventually finds her tribe of like-minded autistic people... and she probably will. I think autistics have a habit of finding each other. There’s also some really great accounts on social media that promote positivity around autism and neurodiversity and being unapologetic for our differences. DM me if you’re interested and I’ll dig some out.

Sorry I meant to reply to @TagMeQuick - I tagged the wrong person! Sorry @RandomMess

I sent you a PM TagMeQuick