To be worried my daughter is never going to progress

[Noplans2020]

Had the first parents evening tonight of year one. DD is five and only did half of reception due to covid! She has also isolated for two weeks so only did five weeks of this term. So missed a quarter of this term.

In reception both parents evenings were about her struggling to understand instructions such as go to your peg etc. She needed alot of guidance. But the second parents evening was a little improved. They also said she just wasn't quite ready for the work side of it. I got her hearing and eyes tested ten months ago as requested by the school. All was fine.

So over lockdown I've taught her to write different size words and read up to four letter words. She's writing beautifully at home. Great at lists. Always drawing. Able to write some words now with no guidance. Also her behaviour and stuff is so much better. She takes herself to bed now when it's time. She listens and behaves. She's helpful. She is really independent. Caring. Really interested in learning. She loves one on one for learning.

Teacher calls tonight. Says she finds someone to play with everyday and is happy. She said that's all they can ask for at this point. She then asked if we had any concerns. I asked how she was doing as she had support last year and was struggling abit with certain parts. Then the teacher spent the final 7 minutes of the chat focused on the same things as her last teacher. Is it her hearing? Do we have concerns at home? Apparently if she asks her to go to her tray she doesn't do it straight away. It's like she doesn't grasp it apparently still. Also when she's asked to copy of the board she will do her own thing. She sent me a piece of work and apparently wanted to show me because it was very creative. It was a whole page of letters and no obvious words. She then said she was supposed to copy three little sentances of the board but did that instead. She said she wasn't sure how to help her understand but said she would keep an eye and write anything in the book if she's concerned and wants to discuss it.

Anyway. Third parents evening. Same problems. No better a year on.

I've done everything I can. As far as I knew she was able to do these things. I'm always writing words for her to copy. Always doing work with her at home. I read with her. She has a tablet with learning games. She writes, colours, cuts and paints at home.

I just don't know why she can't follow what she needs to be doing?

I'm worried she's just not ready for the environment. Yet she loves going.

Any advice?

Please don't dismiss it as "she's young, she's only 5". It really can be unhelpful in the long term.

What the teacher is telling you is that she is not performing as the other children are. It's irrelevant that children aren't at school in other countries. What is relevant is that the teacher is noticing that she isn't getting what most of the children her age have understood.

This may not be an issue. It may be that she's young, and will grow into it. It does happen.

But if it doesn't, the years where you have said "she'll be okay when she's older" will be lost. If she needs help, extra intervention, surely it's better to get it now, and if she doesn't need it, all well and good. But if she does need it, this time will be invaluable.

Go back, tell the teacher you are worried. Ask what can be put in place to help her. Ask if someone can come and assess her for extra support. Ask what you can do. If the teacher says "she'll grow into it" ask how you together can support her to do that, and what the next step is if she doesn't.

If she loves going that's great. You want her to continue loving going and not be the one that feels they're always one step behind.

The other thing is when did you have her hearing tested? Because if it was summer, I might request again, because it can fluctuate. Ds had severe glue ear. He tested at 10% of normal hearing through the winter. June through to August he tested as normal, even quite good hearing. Glue ear can be that variable,

It could be nothing to worry about.

But as any parent of a child with SN/SEN will tell you, it takes a long time to get assessments most of the time when you ask for them. And a lot of high achieving children/adults have SN/SEN.
SALT would be a good place to start, and just asking for that assessment can help build a picture if she is really struggling later. There are lots of possible causes of difficulties in school, but not doing 1:1 at home. Sensory processing - lots of noises, smells, visual and other distractions at school- it can be hard for some children to filter out to focus on what should be focused on. Maybe it takes her longer to process what she hears? One of my DC didn't really have an "in built" sense of rank - she didn't necessarily see that something her teacher said was necessarily more to be obeyed than something a classmate said - the only person she had a sense of "was in control" was me. It could even be the teachers are too polite in their language.
A good SALT may well be able to point to where the problems are coming from.

My DD is like this and has just been diagnosed with ADD...she doesn't have they hyperactive issues just the inattention. She's very creative, very articulate...above average reading age and vocab but really struggles with instructions.

She basically forgets a lot of them the second she's told.

And her writing has always been a struggle.

Maybe it’s mild developmental language disorder. Or maybe she is just 5! The only way you could find out is with an educational psychologist.

Maybe it’s mild developmental language disorder (google for ref) or maybe she is just 5 or maybe it is something else. Speech and language therapists aren’t just about speech, understanding language is also part of their therapy.

Some sensible suggestions from previous posters re speech and language referral.

Getting an insight into her understanding and processing would be my top priority. Those saying she is only 5 - yes that's true, but the earlier any difficulties are picked up the earlier support can be provided. If an assessment flags up no deficits then no harm done.

Lots of replies thank toy.
Ears were checked in January. So we're her eyes.

She does these things at home fine. She writes and copies at home on a daily basis as she absolutely loves art and writing.

She is going through a stage of talking to herself and using her imagination yes! She has pretend friends at home.

I don't know how to arrange for speech and language therapy?

I think I'll call the school tomorrow to ask them what steps they will take and if they need me to do anything.

It's hard to know if she's just being a normal child. But the environment does seem distracting to her. But she's tired and she's gone from a play based setting to desks forward, no toys and work. So I wonder if she's abit u interested.

I understand that she's clearly not managing the same as other children. I'm just unsure what she is asking of me and what this usually means.

I don't think it's going to be easy at all to get any support via the GPS etc. So it would be better if they school can advise me on what to do. Right now services won't be running I doubt?

She is able to follow instructions at home. Occasionally she can't see what's Infront of her. But mostly she does what I ask.

Thanks for all the replies. I hate how the conversation was left but it was a ten minute zoom slot!

@Noplans2020 speech and language services don’t only look at articulation and use of language, they also look at receptive language skills which cover understanding. Please push for a referral ASAP as the waiting list in some areas is 9 months!

Hmm sounds like my y1 5 year old. I don’t have any concerns about my DD’s abilities. I think she just wants to do what she wants to do... rathe than what she’s been told to do... and hasn’t yet grasped she doesn’t get a choice in the matter!

Hmm sounds like my y1 5 year old. I don’t have any concerns about my DD’s abilities. I think she just wants to do what she wants to do... rathe than what she’s been told to do... and hasn’t yet grasped she doesn’t get a choice in the matter!

As a parent of a child with sen(and a teacher), I would definitely listen to the teacher's concerns. They are telling you they are concerned about her, which is not something teachers do without cause. It may well turn out to be nothing, but there is no harm asking them to investigate further. As people have said, the next step would normally be the SENCO observing her, and a speech and language assessment.
Whatever the outcome, you will have more information about your child, which will be useful for helping them both at school and home.
I delayed getting my child assessed at various points, as I think at some level I was always looking for evidence that they were ok. I wish now I had done things more quickly, so I could have known how to help them better, sooner.
As some have said, it may well be that your child is just doing things in their own time.
Good luck

As a parent of a child with sen(and a teacher), I would definitely listen to the teachers concerns. They are telling you they are concerned about her, which is not something teachers do without cause. It may well turn out to be nothing, but there is no harm asking them to investigate further. As people have said, the next step would normally be the SENCO observing her, and a speech and language assessment.
Whatever the outcome, you will have more information about your child, which will be useful for helping them both at school and home.
I delayed getting my child assessed at various points, as I think at some level I was always looking for evidence that they were ok. I wish now I had done things more quickly, so I could have known how to help them better, sooner.
As some have said, it may well be that your child is just doing things in their own time.
Good luck

This sounds exactly like my son. He's 5.5 and in year 1. His speech is little behind his peers and he struggles to follow instructions. We've started a referral for him via the GP and he sees a private SALT. I've done so much reading and nothing seems to fit him exactly, but most like Auditory Processing issues as his teacher also asked if we've had his sight and hearing checked. We have, at the hospital so we know there are no issues with it.

I can totally relate to what you're going through...we put him in an independent prep school thinking it would be better for him, more attention etc but turns out it's not the right place for him. Way too academic and they don't have the provisions for someone like him. We've decided to move him to a state school next term. It's so hard but I just want him to happy and enjoy school :(

It’s actually great that the teachers are raising this with you. Often it’s parents trying hard to convince school that there is an issue to get the support they need. If school have raised this they should be able to point you in the right direction for help and support. If you start now she she’s little, then hopefully you’ll have stuff in place for when she’s older and needs it more. If she does need it - she may just grow out of it!

She sounds fab and creative and fully capable of learning - but she just may need a few adjustments to make school work better for her.

My son also reads at an age appropriate level and has good writing for a 5 year old and yet still struggles to understand and follow instructions. He also loves numbers, shapes, letters.

She sounds like a great little girl. I think the fact that she’s enjoying school is the main thing and it sounds like you’re doing loads with her at home.

I’m going to retract what I said actually, because @Witchend has made such a good point. All context aside (pandemic, lost schooling) the teacher is saying your DD isn’t like her peers. I can say with the benefit of hindsight that it’s worth listening to. My daughter’s Reception teacher was a little baffled by her inability to “do” free play when she was five. Fast forward four years and she’s on the waiting list for an autism assessment. Clearly, the teacher saw something different even if no one could pin down what it was then.

I also have a younger child with SEN and wasted time listening to lovely, well meaning people who told me not to worry because he would catch up. Nope.

If I’ve learned anything it’s to take all help offered and try to ignore that voice telling you if you wait long enough, things will resolve by themselves. Sometimes they do, but sometimes they don’t.

What you said about her being able to work fine at home stands out. It might be that she has sensory issues that are exacerbated by the school environment. Home is quiet and it’s easy to concentrate. School is noisy and busy and bright.

Lots of good advice here, I'm an EYFS teacher and would just like to to reiterate: don't panic, she's very young still, but it's worth checking out because the school is concerned. Could be language processing or attention though, so a SALT is a great place to start. Speak to the school again and ask for some solid advice on how and where to seek help. They may advise you to speak to your GP, they may have someone connected to the school or there may be local borough services you can contact. But it doesn't sound like a major issue as she is doing so well at home, so please don't worry. Good luck x

Do you live in the UK? I feel they push kids too early here and the reality is that many of them are not ready for formal learning until 6 or 7. They all progress at a different rate. The current curriculum is quite advance too in my opinion.

Unless you have concerns of any special needs I will relax and encourage the things she loved doing.

Do you live in the UK? I feel they push kids too early here and the reality is that many of them are not ready for formal learning until 6 or 7. They all progress at a different rate. The current curriculum is quite advance too in my opinion.

Unless you have concerns of any special needs I will relax and encourage the things she loved doing.

My son had this. Turns out he is dyspraxic. Then turns out I am dyspraxic. My whole childhood would have been so different if I had known. Better to investigate if you are worried.

Surely it is down to the teacher to engage her enough to be able to follow what is expected of her.

My son had this. Turns out he is dyspraxic. Then turns out I am dyspraxic. My whole childhood would have been so different if I had known. Better to investigate if you are worried.

As a parent of a child with SEN and disabilities I’ll say you would know if something wasn’t right.

Teachers have their own agenda. Schools do too. Our primary school was dreadful for this. Wanting to create problems where there were none.

If you weren’t so hands on I might give the school a bit more benefit of the doubt. But you do a lot with your daughter. You would know.

Try to ignore them. Move her if they get too interfering. And don’t let it spoil your time with your daughter as it’s precious.