Private messages to another woman

[LucyP1982]

I found private messages this morning on DH's Instagram to a 21 year old girl he works with (he is 41). He had responded to a selfie she put on her 'story' saying "hot!" And then again to another of her selfies saying "hot x2, hope I don't look creepy..." he has never done anything like this before and I think he would be mortified if I found out. I am also 7 months pregnant. Am I overreacting? I'm so hurt. :(

No you’re not overreacting. He’s 41 and should know better than to be sending DMs! Especially as the young woman is only 21.
Has he done this kind of thing before?

You are not overreacting. I'd be beyond fuming. It's not even like he just 'liked' the picture, he actually made contact with her.

@Wintersunn

No you’re not overreacting. He’s 41 and should know better than to be sending DMs! Especially as the young woman is only 21. Has he done this kind of thing before?

Once caught him sending messages to an ex partner when we were going through a rocky patch. But this was years ago and I thought we were past that. :(

He is a nasty creep. Ewwww! So what if he would be mortified?!

Urghhhh has she responded? Hopefully she also sees him as a sad creep.
Sorry but I’d lose all respect for him, whilst I wouldn’t necessarily LTB immediately especially given you have such a young one, I would start long term planning to leave.
He has stray sexual energy and is looking for sexual attention off other women, that’s a deal breaker for me.

He Hope's he doesn't look creepy?
Too late for that, I think.

I would be having a conversation with him. And it would start with, "Yes. Yes, you do look creepy."

Let him feel mortified, tell him you know.

Do you think you can get past this?

the fact that he says he hopes he's not creepy speaks volumes to me, i should imagine she'll have a good laugh that 'some old saddo is probably having a wank over my photos, what a perv ! '
why do some men have to be such dicks when their wives /partners are expecting / just had a baby ?

YANBU at all!

The fact he did it is awful enough, but to a 21 year old? That’s not okay at all.

I can almost guarantee to you op that these aren’t the only conversations he is having.

There seems to be a couple of types of men who do this, but neither one stops.

The one who never intends to get physical (though it may end up there) but does it repeatedly for an ego boost. Just has lots of mini emotional affairs with sex chat etc. Usually admits he’s married but will moan like hell about you.

Or the type who is essentially window shopping and intends from the off set to have sex. This type usually pretends to be single.

he has never done anything like this before

That you know of.

My DD is 20... I'd be rather annoyed for an old man (in comparison to her) writing such comments. Very sleazy indeed.

@OldAndWornOut

He Hope's he doesn't look creepy? Too late for that, I think.

Agrred! Not looking creepy is many, many, many levels from where he is. I hope she has a good manager/HR.

I had a supervisor who used to respond to my Instagram stories like this a few years ago (I’m 23 now so would have been similar age to that girl) and it creeped me out so much. He would constantly say “oooh looking good” or “hottie” or just “😍😍😍” it was totally inappropriate, weird and he was like double my age.

I was young and immature and showed them to everyone in our workplace and everyone was laughing at him behind his back and he built a name for himself as the work creep. Eventually I had to report him because he took it a step too far and started saying some revolting things via messages. You are not being unreasonable at all, I don’t know what he thinks he’s playing at but I am sure that the girl does find it creepy and will think it’s even creepier he has a pregnant wife!!

Did she respond or did he just reply to her stories rather creepily even though he got no response?

Either way he’s a sleaze, she’s half his age and he could be her Father. I would be seriously hurt too.

Absolutely awful, OP. I am so sorry he is behaving like this. This is would be the end of the relationship for me.

Ew gross. You should have screenshotted it and sent it to himself with a "yeah you do look creepy"

Did she reply?

Jesus, no way are you overreacting.

Was it messages or a '🔥' reaction to her story?

Have there been any other convocations?

Ewww what a creep. Nasty letch of a man. Vomit. Do have a word OP.

Private message a 21 year old and describing her as ‘hot’ is way out of line. You are not over-reacting.

It doesn’t matter if he will be mortified if you find out about this. He shouldn’t have done it in the first place.

As someone said upthread, he hasn’t just ‘liked’ the picture, he has actively communicated with her, and privately at that.

@charmsofasimplelife

Was it messages or a '🔥' reaction to her story?

Have there been any other convocations?

It was the fire emoji. Does that make it less creepy? I don't really use Instagram myself. She then put up a pic of a pizza and he said that looks lovely too, you will have to up your game now!

If he was the type o be truly mortified he would never send such creepy messages to begin with. When I was 21 if a married colleague nearly twice my age did this I'd be 🤢. Horrible man doing this, particularly when his wife is pregnant.

I would have to confront him and tell him to stop embarrassing himself but I imagine the trust is shaken now. That will be nigh on impossible to restore. I'd keep a close eye on this one... I imagine you have a snake on your hands I'm afraid OP

Hopefully the young lady reports him. Who wants that from a collegue. Bet she feels well uncomfortable.

Actually, OP, I think 🔥 is very slightly different to ‘hot’. If I say someone is ‘on fire’ today, that is praise, but it is not sexual praise. ‘Hot’ is saying they look sexy.

What was the selfie of?