Private messages to another woman

[LucyP1982]

I found private messages this morning on DH's Instagram to a 21 year old girl he works with (he is 41). He had responded to a selfie she put on her 'story' saying "hot!" And then again to another of her selfies saying "hot x2, hope I don't look creepy..." he has never done anything like this before and I think he would be mortified if I found out. I am also 7 months pregnant. Am I overreacting? I'm so hurt. :(

He's a creep

Just read he's her boss too 🤢

@LucyP1982

Thanks for the responses. I should probably add, my DH is her boss.

Omg. That's appalling!!!

Wtf is he thinking??

Her boss? He should be nowhere near her Instagram.

She then put up a pic of a pizza and he said that looks lovely too, you will have to up your game now!

He's deliberately trying to flirt with her.
And just so you know, 'pizza' the word is being used as a 'code' by paedo's when discussing what's on the menu.
It's also being used as a 'code' by lecherous pervs for 'i like sex'.

He's done it before....has probably done it since....and this time you've found out again.

To hazard a guess, probably because you aren’t a 21 year old woman?

You’re joking, it’s now I need a few compliments, when I was 21 never felt the need. I knew I looked good.

@almondfingers22

To hazard a guess, probably because you aren’t a 21 year old woman?

You’re joking, it’s now I need a few compliments, when I was 21 never felt the need. I knew I looked good.

*

That’s true like. I have to be honest though, I pick the best of a bad bunch to put on Instagram in the hope someone notices I’ve brushed my hair and put a clean top on 😂

Creepy. Full stop. I had a guy at work who sent me emails with comments about my boobs and I told management as I’d only worked there 6 months and he was nearly double my age!

Of course you're overreacting, you're PREGNANT HUN.

If you want to stick with him 'for the baby' or because someone tells you you're overreacting you can.

But you know its cheating. You know he's done it before. Do yourself and your child a favour and LTB because the only way it's justified is if you believe you're at fault. And if you buy that from him you dont stand a chance, sorry :( x

'hope I don't look creepy' BUT he is acting creepy

So sorry for you @LucyP1982

My stbex was doing exactly this, granted they weren’t 21! My dd is that age and yes she would think he was a creep!

Drip feeding that hes sthe boss. Doesnt make it more or less dumpworthy. Think about what someone with high self esteem would do and then do that. Act as if and you'll get there

He clearly fancies her, but her response doesnt seem as though there has been any office flirting or she likes him at all.

But the fire emoji is basically saying she is hot or smoking hot.

Very odd, I would not be happy!

@almondfingers22 you are determined to blame this young woman for the sleazy behaviour of a man old enough to be her father, aren't you ?

Shame on you

That’s grim. He sounds like my dad who I have no contact with. All my friends thought he was a creep when I was growing up, I’m just glad the internet wasn’t a thing as this would have been him.

Why do men never realise that this could happen to their daughter and if they would be unhappy with some creep doing it to their daughter then they know it’s wrong to do.

Screen shot the message on his phone and send it to yourself, saves you the job of having to tell him why you are leaving as he can see it for himself.
And also, he hasn’t stopped doing this from when you caught him doing it with his ex

Christ he’s her boss?

Honestly I’m quite tolerant but if my husband was perving over some twenty one year old, never mind some twenty one year old who worked for him I’d be absolutely mortified.

Oh my god he's her boss. I feel sorry for this young woman getting a notification her creepy boss has sent a creepy message and then probably worrying about how to respond due to the power imbalance - she won't want to piss him off because he's her boss but also will be rightly creeped out. I've been in the horrible position of working for a sleazy boss around her age and it's fucking horrible.

I would dread going to work despite the fact I was doing a great job and delivering great results. It tarnished my work life and I was still trying to "be nice" so deflecting comments instead of outright saying "you're being so sleazy you absolute arsehole" because I didn't want to lose my job or cause issues.

I hate that men in a position of authority over a member of staff either know that the power imbalance has that effect and don't give a shit, or they're so arrogant and deluded that they can't read into the deflection and see anything other than a "no, fuck off" as an invitation to continue.

Ugh. I couldn't respect or trust him now OP. And without respect or trust, you can't have a healthy relationship.

He looks pathetic, I feel sorry for you and his employee.

@TheTrollFairy

That’s grim. He sounds like my dad who I have no contact with. All my friends thought he was a creep when I was growing up, I’m just glad the internet wasn’t a thing as this would have been him.

Why do men never realise that this could happen to their daughter and if they would be unhappy with some creep doing it to their daughter then they know it’s wrong to do.

Screen shot the message on his phone and send it to yourself, saves you the job of having to tell him why you are leaving as he can see it for himself.
And also, he hasn’t stopped doing this from when you caught him doing it with his ex

This. All of this.

Oh god how embarrassing for her, old enough to be her dad and her boss to boot.

These men do rate themselves don’t they?.

He is risking his job sexually harassing an employee the creepy idiot. I feel very sorry for the young woman who has to put up with him. I hope he isn't worse in person.

I hate men like this, why can't they be happy with that they've got?
I would be absolutely fuming

So sorry OP, that’s absolutely awful for you.

Honestly couldn’t say what I would do in that situation, to hazard a guess, when not pregnant - probably castrate him, string him up and drop kick him through the front door. Not usually violent or aggressive btw. Like others have said you are under reacting. You and your babies are worth so much more than this!

It’s so unbelievably cringey. He’s made a fool of himself and you.

In all seriousness, I would tell him to pack a bag and think about what he has done and ask him if it was worth it? Worth risking foremost his family and also his career. Doesn’t take much for sexual harassment these days, he’s even left a paper trail 🤦‍♀️

Get your affairs in order and decide what you want to do. Hope you’re ok all things considered. Sending you hugs.

The worst part is he's her boss! Totally inappropriate. He shouldn't have her on social media at all. Poor girl will be wondering how to deal with this.
He needs to know you know.

but it also annoys me this constant need of young girls to put so many selfies up, basically fishing for compliments.

Yeah it's definitely the girl's fault - she must have forced ops dh to follow her Instagram and comment on it too.

And in general, in our society, fucked up as it is - with stripping, porn, BDSM etc being pushed more into the mainstream and young women on reality TV shows wearing skimpy clothes, stripping off, fellating bananas and ice pops etc to try to get votes (that happened in BB) .. now we have love island ; are we really blaming young women for being influenced in thinking being sexy, good looking, and having SM followers is important.

He knows he’s being creepy otherwise he wouldn’t have said it.

I feel sorry for women put in this position by a male who is their superior. She’d probably never say that it’s creepy because she’d be worried for her job. Fucking predator.

Sorry your husbands such a wanker.