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Original poster

Private messages to another woman

139 replies

LucyP1982 · 02/11/2020 15:17

I found private messages this morning on DH's Instagram to a 21 year old girl he works with (he is 41). He had responded to a selfie she put on her 'story' saying "hot!" And then again to another of her selfies saying "hot x2, hope I don't look creepy..." he has never done anything like this before and I think he would be mortified if I found out. I am also 7 months pregnant. Am I overreacting? I'm so hurt. :(

OP posts:
workhomesleeprepeat · 02/11/2020 16:02

This is very creepy and inappropriate! He is old enough to be her dad 🤮

Also they work together! What if she is offended by his creepy behaviour and reports him. He could get in trouble and this is not the year to lose his job...

Original poster
LucyP1982 · 02/11/2020 16:02

@flaviaritt

Actually, OP, I think 🔥 is very slightly different to ‘hot’. If I say someone is ‘on fire’ today, that is praise, but it is not sexual praise. ‘Hot’ is saying they look sexy.

What was the selfie of?

Her in a slightly see through mini dress :(
OP posts:
S00LA · 02/11/2020 16:03

You are under reacting.

He’s a creep who is in danger of getting into trouble at work for making inappropriate comments to a women young enough to be his daughter. And I bet he’s senior to her at work.

What a sleeze.

OkYahWhatever · 02/11/2020 16:03

Eeew your husband is the office letch, the old perve messaging women half his age, she's either having a right old laugh at him or feels incredibly uncomfortable and wants to delete and block him but is terrified of repercussions at work.

Even an innocent pizza pic elicits a pervy response from him. The sad bastard.

What a creep.

You should have a conversation with him which starts by telling him that yes, he does look creepy.

workhomesleeprepeat · 02/11/2020 16:04

@flaviaritt

Actually, OP, I think 🔥 is very slightly different to ‘hot’. If I say someone is ‘on fire’ today, that is praise, but it is not sexual praise. ‘Hot’ is saying they look sexy.

What was the selfie of?

It can definitely mean ‘sexual praise‘ if in response to a selfie or other photo of themselves
Coffeecak3 · 02/11/2020 16:04

Why do some men think this is ok?
Yuk!
Send him a picture of a 21 year old male hunk with the message ‘ he’s hot. Do you think it would be creepy to tell him so?’

flaviaritt · 02/11/2020 16:04

Her in a slightly see through mini dress

Oh dear. Sorry to say that this is never going to be okay.

Original poster
LucyP1982 · 02/11/2020 16:04

Some people are saying the fire emoji is different to saying she is hot. I don't really use or understand Instagram myself. I am upset that he carried on a conversation. Even the fire emoji seems inappropriate to me.

OP posts:
flaviaritt · 02/11/2020 16:05

It is, OP. But perhaps a different level of inappropriate.

Kit19 · 02/11/2020 16:05

eeeewwwww yes he's being completely inappropriate and sleezy

and unless people put up a photo of an actual fire, Ive only ever seen the fire emoji used as to mean "hot" in a sexual way

Anordinarymum · 02/11/2020 16:07

It's hurtful because he allowed you to find the messages.

Looking at this from my own perspective I would tear mine's head off as he walked through the door this evening if I found so much as anything between him and another woman not directly anything to do with us as a couple.

Original poster
LucyP1982 · 02/11/2020 16:07

I won't be able to stay with him after this I don't think. He has disrespected me when I am carrying his child. I will never trust him again. It's broken.

OP posts:
OlympicProcrastinator · 02/11/2020 16:08

I’d end my marriage over that. YADNBU IMO.

Nymeriastark1 · 02/11/2020 16:11

What a pathetic loser. I'd leave, you deserve better.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 02/11/2020 16:12

The fire emoji is saying she looks sexy (smokin if you will).

Creepy age difference aside, as he’s a married man it would be completely inappropriate regardless of who the woman was.

charmsofasimplelife · 02/11/2020 16:14

I would say it's different that is why I asked,

I wouldn't say it's appropriate but it's different.

You swipe up on a Instagram story and you get 8 options of 'quick reactions' 🔥 is one of them.

IntermittentParps · 02/11/2020 16:16

My perspective:

If I found my DP had done something like this I'd be angry and upset. I'd talk to him about it. His response would dictate how it ended, but I'd expect and hope that it was a temporary weird brain blip, that he'd regret it, see how unacceptable it was and would never do it again.

My DP has no history of messages to exes or anything like that. I can't honestly say how I'd respond if he did, but I suspect it would at the very least be a harder conversation and a harder thing for me to get past.

FelicityFlamingo · 02/11/2020 16:16

Haven't you posted about this already OP? If not there's another 40 something bloke out there who's putting fire emojis on some young woman's Instagram

Original poster
LucyP1982 · 02/11/2020 16:17

@FelicityFlamingo

Haven't you posted about this already OP? If not there's another 40 something bloke out there who's putting fire emojis on some young woman's Instagram
Hi. No, I haven't
OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 02/11/2020 16:29

I don't use Instagram. I don't understand what the fire emoji is meant to convey. But im 48. I would suggest your husband being 41 doesn't understand what the emoji means, if it doesn't mean hot. I would suggest his understanding of it is "you look hot"

But its poor timing. I think you need to speak to him, he's making a twat of himself.

sarahjessicaparka · 02/11/2020 16:34

I'd be furious with him but I'm not sure if I'd end my marriage over it - especially when I was about to have a baby. Don't do anything too rash as the first few months with a new baby are so difficult. Is it your first child together?

Original poster
LucyP1982 · 02/11/2020 17:03

@sarahjessicaparka

I'd be furious with him but I'm not sure if I'd end my marriage over it - especially when I was about to have a baby. Don't do anything too rash as the first few months with a new baby are so difficult. Is it your first child together?
No, second. DD1 is 3
OP posts:
MademoiselleDeWinter · 02/11/2020 17:15

@FelicityFlamingo

Haven't you posted about this already OP? If not there's another 40 something bloke out there who's putting fire emojis on some young woman's Instagram
There's loads of them! Fire emojis are probably the most innocent things that 40 something men (and older) post on 20 something (and younger) womens Instagram posts. I never scroll through the comments anymore. Choose any young reality star/celebrity woman and look through their comments... and then remind yourself their private messages will be even worse 🤮
sarahjessicaparka · 02/11/2020 17:24

If you already have a three year old you're definitely going to have your hands full for the next few months then. Don't be too hasty though - at least let him have a year of doing all the night feeds first if you really are serious about ending things.

Unfortunately married men have complimented attractive young women in the workplace since the beginning of time (or at least they have everywhere I've worked) but it's only in the last few years that their partners have been able to catch them out via social media. It's shit and sleazy but if he's a good husband otherwise, I'd be more inclined to give him a major bollocking or kick him out for a few days and explain to him just how disgusting his behaviour is and ask him how he'd feel if a 40+ year old man did that to your DD when she is 21. Also ask him how he'd feel about you perving over a 21 year old scantily clad man.

almondfingers22 · 02/11/2020 17:25

I’d be fuming with him, but it also annoys me this constant need of young girls to put so many selfies up, basically fishing for compliments. There’s far too much emphasis on looks these days. Too much vanity imo.

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