To be angry at my DH for saying this?

[singeronthestage]

Name change since family members know my username.

My DD is 14. She has picked up playing the guitar during quarantine (She could already play but has improved her skills by miles and is enjoying it lots!) and she enjoys singing it, too.

In no way stealth boasting, she is quite talented at singing for her age, control over her vibrato, brilliant pitch etc etc. I myself used to play in a small band and did gigs at a similar age so we sing together

She visited her uncle (DH brother) yesterday and came home really happy, she told me she has amazing news - her uncle owns a 'nightclub' (not a nightclub but not sure what to call it!!) and he told her she can play there if she likes
DD was over the moon, I told her it could be a good learning experience and knowing her she could do it! As I said I played myself as a teenager and honestly, why not? If it's something she enjoys then I think it could make her happy to bring entertainment to others with her voice!!

But then my DH just had to join in with the conversation and laugh at her Saying 'Oh, (brothers name) is just having a laugh, he's joking, he doesn't actually want you to play there' and made her feel like shit and now my DD has gone up to her room embarrassed

Rudeness aside, the fuck would any decent human being joke about that anyways? Does he want to bring her confidence down?

Aibu to think this was an unnecessary and rude comment from my DH??

Just pissed really because this is something my daughter really enjoys and my DH just had to say he was joking (when he obviously wasn't)

Perhaps he's not happy about her playing in a nightclub, and thinks his brother should have mentioned it to her parents first. Which he should.

Did you ask him if he felt better having made his DD so upset?

He's pretty unpleasant, isn't he?

It's not a nightclub!! It's more of a place where people can gather and lots of bands play there during the day etc. I just had a bit of brain fog, sorry

That was a really shitty thing to say. Even if he doesn't want her playing in a nightclub, there were better ways of raising that issue and dealing with it - something involving a designated responsible adult, for instance.

Instead he put her down. You need to tell him that his behaviour was unacceptable and that he owes DD a massive, grovelling apology.

This is the kind of thing my Dad would have said and it always fucking crushed me. Please don't let him do it, even if it is a 'joke'. I resent my mum for allowing it to happen, almost as much as I do him for doing it.

He should still have mentioned it to you or her dad first.

He shouldn't have said that but us she emotionally resilient enough to take any negative feedback from grown adults?

Would your BIL state her age to everyone so she isn't getting sexual comments thrown her way?

Or is it a older person's social club type place? I'd rethink going public in a licenced premises tbh. At least that option is now off the cards to let things settle.

Your DH is a cunt and the next time he tries to share his opinion with you I'd tell him no one actually wants to hear what he has to say, if he thought they did they were only joking!

On the face of it, not very nice. But maybe your husband knows something about his brother that you don't?

Thank you and I agree - This is something that she really really enjoys, and even if he didn't want her playing there he could have said it nicely

Is he her Dad?

His brother is lovely so it's nothing like that and i've been to his club to listen to music. It's a very very nice place to go for some entertainment and to relax. It's not shady at all and he seems a good man who I can trust with my daughter. I think my DH just wanted to put her down for no fucking reason

So it's a open mic amateur type place? Do you go there yourself? What's the reaction to solo female singers?

How nasty.
What kind of a shitty parent would want to hurt their child?
He's a twat.

Yes he is her father.

YANBU. Only exception is if DHs brother is known for making promises and not keeping them. Then DHs comments could have been about forewarning DD that her uncle’s not truly serious.

@PlanDeRaccordement But even then, why not approach her and say it nicely? She's 14, not a baby and she can handle being told that.

What a shit thing to say! A joke is only funny if everyone is laughing and clearly DD is not! It wasn't a joke. Does he make snidey remarks like that a lot? Can he just not be happy for other's good fortune? I'd be extremely pissed off if I was you.

By all means her uncle should have run it by the two of you first but that could easily have been addressed by saying to her that you would see what uncle has in mind before agreeing, not running her down!

@Clawdy

He should still have mentioned it to you or her dad first.

Why? He told her, she relayed it to her parents. Normal channel of communication.

Also you haven't addressed the fact that OP's H put his daughter down and laughed at her. Are you OK with that? If so, why?

Thank you - exactly. He makes jokes sometimes because it's his sense of humour but I think this is a new low!!

I agree with pointy things. He is probably scared of what might happen if she plays and thought a pretend joke would sort it 'tactfully' without having to admit what he really feels. Either way you need to tell him he's wrong and explain to him the effect on your daughter. You might have to explain in words of one syllable and with diagrams.

What did you actually say to your DH about it? Did you challenge him??

I already stated that I've been and it's a nice place, her uncle is trustworthy. DH is just being weird.

That's completely unacceptable. Even if your DH was unhappy about the arrangement for whatever reason it was not the right way to communicate that. If be fucking livid, although my DH would never dream of speaking to one of his children in that way tbh.