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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry at my DH for saying this?

142 replies

singeronthestage · 02/11/2020 12:47

Name change since family members know my username.

My DD is 14. She has picked up playing the guitar during quarantine (She could already play but has improved her skills by miles and is enjoying it lots!) and she enjoys singing it, too.

In no way stealth boasting, she is quite talented at singing for her age, control over her vibrato, brilliant pitch etc etc. I myself used to play in a small band and did gigs at a similar age so we sing together Smile

She visited her uncle (DH brother) yesterday and came home really happy, she told me she has amazing news - her uncle owns a 'nightclub' (not a nightclub but not sure what to call it!!) and he told her she can play there if she likes Smile
DD was over the moon, I told her it could be a good learning experience and knowing her she could do it! As I said I played myself as a teenager and honestly, why not? If it's something she enjoys then I think it could make her happy to bring entertainment to others with her voice!!

But then my DH just had to join in with the conversation and laugh at her Hmm Saying 'Oh, (brothers name) is just having a laugh, he's joking, he doesn't actually want you to play there' and made her feel like shit and now my DD has gone up to her room embarrassed Sad

Rudeness aside, the fuck would any decent human being joke about that anyways? Does he want to bring her confidence down?

Aibu to think this was an unnecessary and rude comment from my DH?? Angry

OP posts:
AliceAforethought · 02/11/2020 13:11

@Clawdy

Perhaps he's not happy about her playing in a nightclub, and thinks his brother should have mentioned it to her parents first. Which he should.
But how the flip does that justify laughing at and embarrassing his child?
AryaStarkWolf · 02/11/2020 13:11

What an asshole. YANBU, could you contact your Bil maybe and maybe he could reassure her he was being serious?

Original poster
singeronthestage · 02/11/2020 13:11

After he said it DD left the room and i'm in my bedroom atm on mumsnet, I don't want to look at his face. He's down watching telly probably.

OP posts:
Original poster
singeronthestage · 02/11/2020 13:14

Just texted him. 'Why did you say that?? Did you want to put her down? She's 14 and she's happy to do something she enjoys!!'
Answer:
'I was joking'

Angry
OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 02/11/2020 13:14

He’s not just being weird, he’s obviously a nasty, bitter prick who wants to puncture the happiness of his daughter.

No.

Ninkanink · 02/11/2020 13:16

That was really horrible of him.

He’s jealous and wanted to make her feel like shit.

thetemptationofchocolate · 02/11/2020 13:20

He may have been joking but nobody's laughing.
It's still a horrible thing to say, even as a joke.

ReggieCat · 02/11/2020 13:20

YANBU. It was a shitty thing to say and he's an insensitive twat.

Zilla1 · 02/11/2020 13:23

Can he take a 'joke' as well as give it or does he have assymetrical bantz? Let's hope he eventually realises that the world is full of people who will get off from cruelly puncturing your daughter and she might welcome both he parents resisting the urge to make some jokes.

2bazookas · 02/11/2020 13:25

ask your BIL if he was serious or joking. If the latter, tell him his joke has really upset DD because she believed him.

If BIL was serious then her father needs to crawl and apologise.

MaizeBlouse · 02/11/2020 13:26

Why are you texting him about this? Go and have an actual convo with him!

I'm sorry thiugh OP, that must have been an upsetting conversation to witness and I too would be appalled if my DP said this to one of our kids. What a fucking prick. You cant let this slide, ask him what the joke was.

pointythings · 02/11/2020 13:26

'I was joking' is always the defence of these people who enjoy saying hurtful things and putting people down. It puts the blame on the victim because 'they can't take a joke'.

Time to draw a line in the sand, OP. Tell your husband straight: it wasn't a joke. Jokes are funny. It was a put down, and a nasty one. He's got form for this and he needs to stop. It's possible to be funny without deliberately hurting the feelings of others, and it's high time he learned that skill. Consequences to follow if there is no improvement in his behaviour.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/11/2020 13:28

Well it's not funny if it's cruel.

Is he always passing off his cruel comments as jokes?

DimidDavilby · 02/11/2020 13:29

Wow that's really horrible. Have you told him to apologise?

Devilesko · 02/11/2020 13:30

Mine would speak to dd like this but she's an exceptionally talented musician.
Your dd will have to get used to this and of course comments and sexual harassment from the workplace.
Mine was working at 14, she grew up very quickly.
It depends what you want for your child, but you can't complain when men think she's older 18+ and come on to her.

Poppingnostopping · 02/11/2020 13:30

I would reply 'why aren't your jokes funny then?'

LaVitaPuoEsserePiuBella · 02/11/2020 13:35

@singeronthestage

Just pissed really because this is something my daughter really enjoys and my DH just had to say he was joking (when he obviously wasn't) Hmm
Does he often make nasty comments then say that he "was only joking"?

If so, he's an abusive arsehole. Your poor DD, having a dad who crushes her spirit and self esteem. I'm afraid that I couldn't be with a man who did this to my DC.

Original poster
singeronthestage · 02/11/2020 13:35

@Devilesko Hmm But this was from her own father, not in a workplace setting, in her own home.

OP posts:
Devilesko · 02/11/2020 13:38

Yes, sorry don't see the problem.
Your dd can confirm with her uncle.
Have you any idea what your dd will have to put up with? If she can't handle it off her own family God help her.

pointythings · 02/11/2020 13:39

@Devilesko

Mine would speak to dd like this but she's an exceptionally talented musician. Your dd will have to get used to this and of course comments and sexual harassment from the workplace. Mine was working at 14, she grew up very quickly. It depends what you want for your child, but you can't complain when men think she's older 18+ and come on to her.
There is so much wrong with this post I don't know where to start! Do you really think women of any age should just suck it up when men come on to them in the workplace?
VettiyaIruken · 02/11/2020 13:40

Ask him to explain the joke.

Oh, you were? I obviously didn't get it. What was funny about it? What made telling your daughter her uncle didn't really want her amusing?

Devilesko · 02/11/2020 13:42

No, but men are men and as a child she'd be entering a grown up situation.
And yes, harassment happens in the workplace, only an idiot would think differently.
In this workplace it's rife, shouldn't be but is.

zoemum2006 · 02/11/2020 13:43

If he had an issue with her performing then he should have discussed it with you. There's absolutely no need to mock a teenager.

It's so horribly painful at that age to be laughed at.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/11/2020 13:43

@Butchyrestingface

On the face of it, not very nice. But maybe your husband knows something about his brother that you don't?
then presumably he'd have concerns about her visiting him on her own then which he was seemingly fine with
Original poster
singeronthestage · 02/11/2020 13:44

'Men are men?' Misogynist much? Oh Piss off HmmAngry

OP posts: