To be angry at my DH for saying this?

[singeronthestage]

Name change since family members know my username.

My DD is 14. She has picked up playing the guitar during quarantine (She could already play but has improved her skills by miles and is enjoying it lots!) and she enjoys singing it, too.

In no way stealth boasting, she is quite talented at singing for her age, control over her vibrato, brilliant pitch etc etc. I myself used to play in a small band and did gigs at a similar age so we sing together

She visited her uncle (DH brother) yesterday and came home really happy, she told me she has amazing news - her uncle owns a 'nightclub' (not a nightclub but not sure what to call it!!) and he told her she can play there if she likes
DD was over the moon, I told her it could be a good learning experience and knowing her she could do it! As I said I played myself as a teenager and honestly, why not? If it's something she enjoys then I think it could make her happy to bring entertainment to others with her voice!!

But then my DH just had to join in with the conversation and laugh at her Saying 'Oh, (brothers name) is just having a laugh, he's joking, he doesn't actually want you to play there' and made her feel like shit and now my DD has gone up to her room embarrassed

Rudeness aside, the fuck would any decent human being joke about that anyways? Does he want to bring her confidence down?

Aibu to think this was an unnecessary and rude comment from my DH??

@CheetasOnFajitas

Hello, lockdown? He can’t just go and stay somewhere else for a few days. He’ll need to move in with his mother till Christmas.

It starts on Thursday so he can easily be back in time (not that some people won’t be doing whatever they like whenever they like)

I am glad he has left for a few days. You obviously have a weird dynamic going on.

That he would think for a moment that statement could be a joke (I believe he was being deliberately cruel btw).

That when DD was upset he didn't chase after to apologise and make nice but instead watched the TV.

That you texted him from upstairs to tell him off.

It smells like a fucked up dynamic has become normalised on your house.

Could there be an element of "Daddy can't cope with the idea that his little girl is growing up" in his reaction?

I hope that you can go ahead and arrange for your daughter to try this opportunity out, it is incredibly affirming for teenagers to be able to do grown up things with their skills, especially if it moves them towards the prospect of earning money with them. My sister and I used to go busking very successfully together from 12 or so. My son has played organ at church a few times (also from age 12, and paid) which was an incredible motivator!

He sounds like an insecure twat that puts other down to make himself feel better.
14 is such a hard age too.
I hope your dd still goes through with her performance. It would be great for her confidence. Well done for standing up for her.

Perhaps he's not happy about her playing in a nightclub, and thinks his brother should have mentioned it to her parents first.

Then he should have said that, not dragged her down.

God I loathe this behaviour.

And Devlesko (the apparently world famous star), this bullshit:

If she can't handle it off her own family God help her. is what destroyed my self confidence as a musician for years. (Then I got disparagement for failing to achieve). Your family should not be the ones having a go at you.

Husband sounds like a prize arse and jealous of other people's talent too. I wish your daughter well; furthermore, when she reaches the smashing-guitars-on-stage-bit, I hope DH is within swiping range.

Tell him to stay at his mothers - permanently.

She can have another shot at raising him. You & DD don't need to be doing that job!

If he comes back, you'll end up with DD having no self confidence & being scared to say anything incase her Dad puts her down.

@singeronthestage

'Men are men?' Misogynist much? Oh Piss off

Well said OP

What a dickhead t
Kind of thing to say. Poor girl. You sound like a top mum OP btw. You had her back and didn't let him get away with it for an easy life.

nasty twatticus

Sorry for not updating, but guess who came home yesterday

Oops meant to put

Has he apologise?

did he tell you he was coming home did you discuss it

i dont understand people who just cant apologise when theyre wrong

Ha, having read the thread it appears @Devilesko only muscled in with their ludicrous ideas to establish themselves as the music business aficionado of Mumsnet 🤣

Not quite sure how a shitty undercurrent to the music business entitles a father to destroy the confidence of his daughter in her own home, though.

@singeronthestage it sounds like your idiot H is jealous that music is something that unites you, your daughter and his brother. His lack of talent makes him bitter about others’ musical ability.

It's probably too late for an apology now and it wouldn't be sincere anyway.
He's a very foolish man. He'll ruin his relationship with your dd with crap like this .