To be angry at my DH for saying this?

[singeronthestage]

Name change since family members know my username.

My DD is 14. She has picked up playing the guitar during quarantine (She could already play but has improved her skills by miles and is enjoying it lots!) and she enjoys singing it, too.

In no way stealth boasting, she is quite talented at singing for her age, control over her vibrato, brilliant pitch etc etc. I myself used to play in a small band and did gigs at a similar age so we sing together

She visited her uncle (DH brother) yesterday and came home really happy, she told me she has amazing news - her uncle owns a 'nightclub' (not a nightclub but not sure what to call it!!) and he told her she can play there if she likes
DD was over the moon, I told her it could be a good learning experience and knowing her she could do it! As I said I played myself as a teenager and honestly, why not? If it's something she enjoys then I think it could make her happy to bring entertainment to others with her voice!!

But then my DH just had to join in with the conversation and laugh at her Saying 'Oh, (brothers name) is just having a laugh, he's joking, he doesn't actually want you to play there' and made her feel like shit and now my DD has gone up to her room embarrassed

Rudeness aside, the fuck would any decent human being joke about that anyways? Does he want to bring her confidence down?

Aibu to think this was an unnecessary and rude comment from my DH??

A fathers role isnt speaking to their DD like shit and embarrassing her, to prepare her for a life time of it. Ffs.

It was a spiteful joke he needs to apologise for. 14 is still young, to be laughed at when you're excited is not nice at any age.

He's a tosser.

Venues like that are incredibly welcoming and youngsters are utterly protected by the staff, other musicians and 99.9999999% of the customers.

We always had more problems with the fathers, strangely enough. Can't imagine why.

My dads a bit like this, it's not very nice and I've spent my whole life trying to prove him wrong.

I hope when DD can play she blows the socks of everyone and maybe you and DH can go and watch her and maybe ask DH to say something encouraging when he sees her perform x

DH is a dick. You are right to be raging.

Mine would speak to dd like this but she's an exceptionally talented musician. sorry @Devilesko are you saying your husband spoke to your 14 yo like this - basically ridiculing her and knocking her down, but that's ok because she's very talented??
Yes, sorry don't see the problem... Have you any idea what your dd will have to put up with? If she can't handle it off her own family God help her. You don't think your own father should respect her more than the average stranger? No wonder your daughter grew up quickly if you and her father treat her so disrespectfully

My mother's always been like this, little 'jokes' if I do anything successful etc. I see her about once a year these days...

That was mean and unnecessary. Yes the world is a tough old place and we all need to be able to take others crap on the chin sometimes but your parents are the people you should be able to rely on to support and encourage you and not come out with hurtful, demeaning shit like this. Teenage years are often a time when our DC are low in confidence but have dreams (sometimes very unrealistic ones but still). Our job is not to crush them completely just because we can. Jokes are meant to be funny.

So your husband's reaction to his daughter sharing her excitement and delight is to deny what she was told by her uncle, dismiss her and laugh at her.

What a prick.

His classic response to being a prick is to claim he was joking.

Prick.

He owes your daughter a grovelling apology.

The fact you text him rather than challenge him face to face is interesting.

Is he a prick generally?

If he is.
Protect your daughter OP.

To be honest it was shitty of your DH to say it, especially in the way he said it, and your DD needs to know that her parents have confidence in her abilities.

If your DD is going to be doing gigs then you and DH need to help support her and help her build her resilience, she will need to develop a really thick skin because it can be brutal, and sadly still especially for young women.

No, but men are men i really think you need higher standards @Devilesko. MY husband wouldn't talk to his child like they were shit and he doesn't sexually harass the women at work / random teenagers working in a club

@singeronthestage

Poor DD.

You cannot allow twatface to get away with saying 'I was joking' you really cannot.

Even an adult would be upset by that, but it's unforgivable to do it to your teenage daughter!

Wanker.

I hope her Uncle follows through (when he can, obviously) & she has a blast. I hope she still wants to do it!!

Thank you, so glad to see i'm not being U

This is the sort of ‘joke’ my dad would pull when I was young - I remember my sister at about the same age as your daughter coming home from the hairdresser and dad reducing her to tears by saying it looked like a shit mullet. He was ‘only joking!’ though and refused to apologise.

YANBU.

@Devilesko

Yes, sorry don't see the problem. Your dd can confirm with her uncle. Have you any idea what your dd will have to put up with? If she can't handle it off her own family God help her.

"Handle" what? Nasty comments??

Surely the family is the absolute one place in the whole world where a child SHOULDN'T have to encounter this? Why do you accept this, and not challenge it?

Men are men?
Prepare her?
Jesus.
Maybe he'll do her a favour and yell "nice tits love" to help prepare her for random blokes in cars. 🙄
He's her dad FFS. His place is in her corner.

My soon to be ex puts our son down at every opportunity. He tells everyone our son never sticks at anything. He did a martial art for 4 years and football until his team folded . He never sticks a job but he has had 3 part time jobs two of which lasted over 2 years. Our son used to be tubby about age 12 and hates the photos that were taken then. He is now tall, slim and good looking . Ex insists on showing people his “fat” photos. He says he is just showing people how far he has come! He has destroyed our son’s self esteem and also his relationship with him. Tell your DH to stop it right now. It’s cruel.

There are many things your DD will unfortunately learn as she grows up, and he obviously wasnt doing it to prepare her for this big bad world, more just giving a glimpse of his spiteful side. OP you might aswell pinch her bum when she walks past get her ready for her nightclub days. Ffs.

This has nothing to do with whether she should be allowed to perform or not - I assume her uncle will sort out any dickheads at the venue. This is about crushing someone’s ambition and enthusiasm for something. I’m guessing your OH has no musical talent. I would also guess he makes “ jokes” about very bright people or those with higher qualifications or anything that makes him feel “lesser” - not of course that he would ever admit that.

Have you any idea what your dd will have to put up with? If she can't handle it off her own family God help her.

You think a child's own family should be horrible to them, so they can be toughened up against the pricks they'll encounter in life?

Jesus wept.

Go in and check on her

Don't rage and rant on MN, deal with it. Tell him he's made a horrible mistake that he needs to put right. Go and tell your husband he was an arsehole, his humour isn't funny, and he needs to patch things up with his daughter.

Your husband is an asshole I hate people who makes ‘jokes’ like this. Even worse that he is her dad. Your poor dd

Ask him what part of what he said was supposed to be funny. I can’t see anything potentially amusing about what he said at all, he’s just doing that classic bully thing of saying something nasty then compounding the effect by telling the victim that they shouldn’t be upset because it was “just a joke”.

Do you think that her uncle did mean what he said? It’s a moot point for at least a month but maybe the way to make her feel better is to get Uncle on phone to re-iterate the offer and possibly even have her hear Uncle tell Dad that he is serious.

I'd text him back after his reply of "I was joking"

You've hit an all time low, trying to damage your own childs self esteem. Take a hard look at your ideas of jokes that are not even close to funny. You are goingt to damage the relationship you have with your child forever doing shit like this.

I think there’s a possibility he’s jealous either of her getting her worth acknowledge or, more likely, his brother being able to give her such and opportunity.