would you go to middle east

[gg12346]

Husband just announced that he will be travelling to middle east for work .He has been given a decent package .Our kid is in primary so doesnt matter much but I am very upset with the news I dont wish to relocate .I dont work at the moment but I plan to work in future
Am I been unreasoble if I tell him I shall rather leave him to work there alone and go back home to live with my parents for a few months.I cant live in london all alone with kid makes no sense .
AIBU in saying so ? I just dont wish to go with him .There is no feeling left to always wander around.

Given the current economic uncertainty I wouldn't turn down a tax free expat package lightly!

Sorry I suppose the US ones aren't ex pat's so irrelevant.

but to suggest that the sky is going to fall in on them is nonsense

Nobody's suggesting it will, but it's foolish (for want of a better word) to pretend it's all fine for women over there.

@XingMing

My nephew lives in Saudi Arabia, with his wife. Both grew up in the UAE. They won't stay forever, and the local rules are capricious, but to suggest that the sky is going to fall in on them is nonsense.

Absolutely they will probably be fine. Lots and lots of people are. I’m not saying everyone in Saudi Arabia is awful. But if your nephew and his wife were having marital issues, or if your nephews wife wanted to leave him but he wanted to remain married and stay there the law would be very much on his side. Now I’m sure that’s not an issue and I’m sure your nephew is lovely and would not abuse the power the law gives him - but as a woman I would be very reluctant to hand that much power to someone else.

Also not to get off the main topic too much but the privacy, facilities etc in ME compounds are related to the cultural differences - dress, semi nudity for swimming, sports, alcohol imbibing etc... Which don't really exist in the sane way in most other regions with ex pat's.

Alcohol is obviously illegal in Saudi but I know ex pats brew cider from apple juice in their baths ... local people not being there means they're not put in the shit position of perhaps becoming aware of it and having to lie by omission etc about it. (Or not!)

Also, I have travelled and worked all over the world. It was great. I do think upping sticks and going somewhere different for a job is a completely different experience to being a “trailing spouse” where you follow the partner for their work. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but it can be a difficult experience regardless of the destination country. So I don’t think the people saying I’ve worked in Saudi Arabia or I travelled all over the Middle East when I was young had a comparable experience
And as others have said, the ME is a huge and very varied region. I would be happy to live in some countries. Not Saudi though.

Qatar's advice is cheerful too.

If you’re a victim of sexual assault, you should contact the British Embassy at the earliest opportunity.

I rather fear that a victim accustomed to the UK may not necessarily realise the significance of that statement in time.

www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/qatar/safety-and-security

Same with discomfort around (lack of) clothing around pool area or for sports.

Having lived in Qatar, the clash was obvious when v uncomfortable looking older Qatari couples walked past the bars inside hotels where you're allowed to drink alcohol and when the other woman in our foursome got hissed at (for lack of a better word) by an older Qatari man in a hotel lobby for her choice of clothing (legs uncovered). Compounds cut out that issue for both sides, people can relax and nit offend or he offended.

He's decided this without your input? Or he's considering it?

I feel like English may not be your first language? Are you British/have residence status in Uk? Does he?

What industry is the job in?

And where in ME was absolutely relevant glad you've answered that.

Like hell would I move to Saudi! Appalling human and women's rights issues there, huge cultural differences etc

I've a few friends and family who've lived elsewhere in ME which was manageable for them but even they wouldn't live in Saudi.

I've lived overseas no problem with that per se but knowing what I do about Saudi, Qatar and Oman from others who've travelled and lived in those places I wouldn't even risk travelling THROUGH them and that was BEFORE the news of what happened at the airport recently.

*not offend or be offended

Nephew is very newly wed, and his bride is a force to take seriously with big ambitions, so I don't think it likely that she's going to stay at home passive. She already has interest in a new venture.

The world is moving fast, and the ME is very alive to business opportunities.

I would never agree to this. My friend moved to Dubai for her Husbands job. He is abusive fuckwit, she doesn’t work and is totally trapped. There is no support for a woman to leave, no benefits and he would keep the children. She’s lonely and desperately misses home. She is Muslim though, I don’t know if non Muslims have more rights. You should get legal advice before even considering going, what would happen to you and the kids of your marriage breaks down, or you want to come home and he doesn’t.

@XingMing

Nephew is very newly wed, and his bride is a force to take seriously with big ambitions, so I don't think it likely that she's going to stay at home passive. She already has interest in a new venture.

Well that’s great. Your nephew presumably loves her for that and they will support each other in their ambitions. If he was an abusive fuckwit/controlling she’d be in a difficult situation though (especially if they had children) ambitions or not. If he was a controlling sort though she may well not have agreed to move their 8n the first place (or more likely have not married him). I don’t think all ME women are submissive or oppressed (I know a few women from different parts of that region and submissive they aren’t). But being there with a less supportive man is a risk.

People, especially women can be treated badly no matter where they live.

Yes people, especially women, are treated badly to varying extents across the globe.

That doesn't mean I (or I suspect most people) would be able to morally comprehend actively moving to a country where people can be stoned to death for adultery or even sodomy. Especially as a woman without financial independence. Or someone with a child who may end up being gay for example - what then?

It's disingenuous to use whataboutery (like 'people get treated badly everywhere') in relation to a country where the archaic laws, treatment of women and human rights record shock almost everyone in the western world.

Saudi is where people go to make money fast. It’s fairly hard for trailing spouses and HE will make that harder (as would invisible disability). However I would do three hard years to get a easier life especially if your child is young. It would be hard and you would both have to be disciplined to achieve your goal.

Graphista, my sister lived in Oman and UAE for a significant part of her life, as well as Cote d'Ivoire, Brazil, Germany, Belgium and Taiwan. Expat life is about getting on with normal. Unless you come to the attention of the authorities for criminal acts, you will almost certainly be left alone to get on with life.

It would t be "getting on with normal I'd be concerned about in Saudi - it would be getting out with your child/ren if your marriage broke down.

There are increasing opportunities for trailing spouses even in the ME for people with ideas and energy. They will be there a few years, and move on.

So many people have opinions about what life is like in the ME, while saying proudly that they would not go there even on a visit.

A while back I watched this documentary from the BBC. Have to say it's not a country I could ever want to visit, never mind live in.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p06xm3wb/inside-the-real-saudi-arabia-why-i-had-to-leave

Saudi is where people go to make money fast

That's what I thought, and even though we could REALLY do with the money, I never would
Money over morals type of thing?
I know you have to be in a position of privilege to even be in that situation though to choose so for that I'm grateful.
Then again if you have a high paying job already but they're willing to pay you even bigger money and you still want to fly out there - again, from a privilege point of view and comes down to morals again.
We're all different, don't mean that in a PA way either, just thinking out loud

No way would I live in the Middle East.
I don’t even like changing flights there and think I will avoid it once more after the reports of female passengers taken of a plane and given internal examinations to see if they gave birth recently. Without explanations or consent.
Scary place imo

So many people have opinions about what life is like in the ME, while saying proudly that they would not go there even on a visit

The ME, or Saudi Arabia?
The Middle East is a massive area with loads of countries.