would you go to middle east

[gg12346]

Husband just announced that he will be travelling to middle east for work .He has been given a decent package .Our kid is in primary so doesnt matter much but I am very upset with the news I dont wish to relocate .I dont work at the moment but I plan to work in future
Am I been unreasoble if I tell him I shall rather leave him to work there alone and go back home to live with my parents for a few months.I cant live in london all alone with kid makes no sense .
AIBU in saying so ? I just dont wish to go with him .There is no feeling left to always wander around.

I think a major issue is that if she didn’t like it she might be able to leave but she might not be able to take her child with her
For that reason on it’s own it would be a big no from me

There is not a chance in hell I would go.

No. I'm half Jewish. I'm a woman. It's not a safe place for me.
I know that is a sweeping statement and deeply unfair to ordinary friendly people but, at the moment, I wouldn't go there if you paid me.

So again are women free to do whatever they want, can get normal jobs, live normal lives like they can in the uk? Go out and about doing perfectly everyday things alone with out a chaperone?

Can be totally treated the same as men there?

Saudi, no way would I live there.

Although people with young kids who move there do enjoy it, living on a compound you are very protected from rea Saudi life, and there is a great social life on the compounds with everything you need.

Alternatively, and in normal circumstances, people live in Dubai and the working partner commutes every weekend back and forth. It is a really easy option.

Saudi is opening up more and more, but I still would not want to live there.

@Zug2

Saudi, no way would I live there.

Although people with young kids who move there do enjoy it, living on a compound you are very protected from rea Saudi life, and there is a great social life on the compounds with everything you need.

Alternatively, and in normal circumstances, people live in Dubai and the working partner commutes every weekend back and forth. It is a really easy option.

Saudi is opening up more and more, but I still would not want to live there.

Why live in a compound and not normal places?

NO WAY.

Women are without rights in that country.

I wouldn't even go with a supportive husband.

I 100% wouldn't go with the kind of husband who comes home and ANNOUNCES that he is going, has a good 'package'.

That sounds like the kind of husband who would be all too happy with the thought that once you're there, you're unable to do a damn thing, including leave and come home, without his permission.

DO NOT GO.

You will live to regret it - you will be entirely under his control while he has the freedom to do anything he likes with no comeback. And you won't be able to leave.

The kind of husband who announces this is to be honest the kind of husband you end up splitting from anyway. Go to your family. Let him stay there. Be super gracious and make damn sure that money is coming into accounts you have your name on.

See what happens, but prepare for a split. Don't think of it as wasted years - you have your DC, you are young. Get planning once he's out of your hair and you have some breathing space with your family.

You'll be ok.

But don't even set foot in Saudi Arabia.

I've lived in two ME countries but would never live in KSA.

@MrsTerryPratchett

WHERE IN THE MIDDLE EAST?

Almost nowhere in the Middle East is a Hague convention country (Jordan and Saudi and I wouldn't live in Saudi). So does it matter?

To be fair it could’ve been the UAE ( home to Dubai) but she’s said Saudi so yep I agree she shouldn’t go

If we're ever allowed to make it to New Zealand or Australia we'll be going by boat, or the long way round via somewhere modern like Japan or Singapore, if necessary.

Obviously for future reference but as a point of info: One look at a globe will show going to Australia (certainly the east coast) via Singapore from Europe very very definitely is not going the "long way round"..but the ME airlines might like you to think that.

My husband was relocated to Riyadh. I was to go with our young son.

When my husband looked into and spoke to people there about ex pat compound life, one of the men over there doing a similar role to my husband had to give permission for his wife to do anything. She wasn't allowed to drive, needed to be chaperoned, etc.

I told him to go and I would stay here with our son. He didn't go.

Obviously for future reference but as a point of info: One look at a globe will show going to Australia (certainly the east coast) via Singapore from Europe very very definitely is not going the "long way round"..but the ME airlines might like you to think that.

Absolutely. I currently live in Australia and have family in the UK, so have done this journey many times. I always recommend to others that they stop in either Singapore or HK. Stopping in the ME leaves you with a horrendous second leg of your journey. Usually over 15 hours on one of the flights.

I wouldn't go to the ME for all the tea in China and I would especially dislike it if my DH 'announced his intention' of so doing instead of having a proper discussion as equals about the subject. Long term I think it would be difficult to keep such a marriage alive.

Not in a million years.

Nope. Fuck having my rights restricted as a woman. Nope. Also I'm in the media so I'd be risking accusations of spying.

Hi. I’m in the same situation. My husband has always worked in Dubai for about 50% of the year. Which has been fine, sometimes I go for a weekend, mostly I stay home because I don’t think it is advisable for my gay and transitioning teenager to go. Now husband has been asked to do a six month stint in Saudi, we definitely will not be going and we won’t be visiting either. I’m financially reliant on him. we have a tight marriage. He will earn a lot whilst away. It is worth the sacrifice for us. He will come back for 4 or 5 days every month. You get used to it. You still will have support over the phone and internet. I actually quite enjoy having me-time and concentrating on my friends.
Something to check out - will he be paid in Saudi? My husband works for a British firm and gets paid here and pays British tax. Absolutely all his expenses are paid whilst he is there.For you, I don’t know how easy it is to send money home if you are paid in Saudi. Might be fine, but there might be a tax implication. Has he fully considered the financial implications? Does he earn enough to live over there and send enough money home for you to live and socialise and save. You may need additional childcare and help around the home for the jobs he would do. My husband fixes things, but when the tv or the washer or internet or the car etc breaks, I now have to get someone in. Husband not being here costs about £3k a year in that way.
I’ve lived this way for years now and am used to it. I would actually say I enjoy it, although at first, like you, I was heartbroken at the idea of it.

Not a bloody chance.

Have had this conversation several times over the past 30 years when husband was asked would he consider a management position which would cover multiple countries. We could choose a number of spots to live in.

Not a chance would I go there as a woman, much less bring my children there.

The middle east is a barbaric area for females, and if you have ever been unlucky enough or stupid enough to come across the judiciary by breaking a law, it's not a fun place for a western man either!

It is an utterly corrupt region with arbitrary laws applied.

No amount of tax free money, bonuses would move me there.

Fortunately for my husband, he agrees with me.

We have lots of friends that "did time" there with very mixed experiences.

Some spots better and worse than others.

These are awful male dominated society's with zero respect for women or their human rights.

Not a chance.

I would not relocate anywhere unless I had a very solid marriage. It doesn’t sound like your husband cares that much about you if he announced the move without any discussion. If I were you, I would start working out how you will cope on your own and looking into the possibility of a divorce.

Don’t feel forced into moving because you have to ‘save’ your marriage. Being separated or divorced would be far better than being trapped in a country that you can’t leave with your child, unless your husband gives his permission.

ffs people telling us its just fine because they had a high paying job there and were left alone. Just ignoringthe thousands of migrants workers who've had their passports stolen there, the locals banged up in prison for nothing but not paying off the police and the mass slavery that goes on because you had a cushy job. I could show you some revolting photos of just everyday saudi arabia but wont because they're that vile and inhumane.

I live in one of the other Gulf states (as a single woman) and love it - I feel much safer here than in the UK.

Saudi is different though a (female) colleague works there and is fine, but it's not really somewhere to stay because you like it - it's a place to earn lots of $$$ in a relatvely short time before shipping somewhere nicer.

However, if I was married I would not agree to a husband going on his own - it would be divorce or I'd move with him as the proportion of men who have affairs is huge (I am speaking about the state I'm in but I assume there is the same availability of prostituted women, and women looking to make better lives for themselves with a Westerner, that there are where I am).

I could count on one hand the married men I know of who have moved out on their own who have not had affairs or bought sex.

Yanbu. Apart from anything else I have no desire to signal support of those regimes and the appalling ways in which women and migrant workers are abused within them.

Absolutely do not move there.

Saudi is the most difficult of all for western women, and you will no rights and no life, and will need a guardian with you even to go to the shop for a loaf of bread.

My marriage would already be over if my dh announced to me he was relocating to the ME without discussion, debate and a joint decision! What on earth was he thinking??

Move to your parents, and ask him to find a job in the UK ASAP if he still intends to remain married to you.

I think for me you would be:

1. giving up the chance (at least short term) of getting a decent job yourself. That puts you in a very vulnerable position as you would be completely dependant on his income.
2. Moving away from your support network - friends, family etc etc. That puts you in a vulnerable position
3. Moving your children to another country that could be hard, legally, to leave with them if your husband objected. That puts you in a vulnerable position.
4. Moving to a country where the legal system is specifically designed to give you less power than your husband.

The first three points would be enough for me to be concerned, unless my marriage was completely rock solid and I00% trusted my husband not to use his advantage over me (and how many men do, even in subtle ways like letting the wife do all the housework/childcare / being controlling with money becuase she is a SAHM

Taking the fourth point into consideration I dont think I would feel comfortable even if my partner was the most trustworthy, model of male feminism out there. The fact that your husband has just presented this to you as a fait accompli is a significant red flag that he is NOT such a man.

In short its a move that would benefit your husband but make you extremely vulnerable/powerless.

Also, the people saying that they live there as a single woman and feel safe etc. Yes, because you are single and earning your own money. Thats a completely different scenario to the OP. Also - its the sort of place where so long as everything is going well its fine. Its when something goes wrong (eg rape) that suffer from the imbalance of power. As a single woman you can try to mitigate that risk by avoiding areas/people/following advice for safe guidelines (not remove it completely of course). As a married woman dependant on her husbands income the OP will be living with that power imbalance every day. (I am not trying to paint the OP's husband as some kind of monster. But many men are happy to exploit their situation to make life easier for themselves at the expense of their partners. And the OPs husband does not have a problem issuing edicts)

Personally I wouldn’t write off all the Middle East countries. I have friends (female) who work in Dubai and are the main bread winners in the family. But there is no way I or they would go to Saudi.
Dp worked there for a while.

I can understand why your dh thinks it is a good idea financially but I would ask either he goes alone for a set period of time and he flies back regularly or you meet up in Dubai or Nice (someone I know used to do this) or he comes home on a regular basis.
That way you know that you have so many years to save and there is an end point.

I know so many families that did this sort of thing in the 70s. Wives and children left at home and husband working in Saudi for 3 months then back for 3 weeks then back for 3 months. They made a fortune and it set them up got life.
Bit different now but it depends on what you want. I can see the attraction in working for a set number of years if it boosts your finances significantly but Saudi isn’t really a place to live as a family