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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you go to middle east

252 replies

gg12346 · 02/11/2020 01:01

Husband just announced that he will be travelling to middle east for work .He has been given a decent package .Our kid is in primary so doesnt matter much but I am very upset with the news I dont wish to relocate .I dont work at the moment but I plan to work in future
Am I been unreasoble if I tell him I shall rather leave him to work there alone and go back home to live with my parents for a few months.I cant live in london all alone with kid makes no sense .
AIBU in saying so ? I just dont wish to go with him .There is no feeling left to always wander around.

OP posts:
Whataloadofshite · 02/11/2020 02:27

@gg12346

Is Saudi arabia that bad :( never knew
Uhh..

Is notorious for its appalling human rights record, have you been living under a rock?

In any case, don't go.

FortunesFave · 02/11/2020 02:27

I don't need experience of the place to know I would NEVER live there. A country that only ONE year ago granted women the right to drive?

No fecking thank you.

hetanom · 02/11/2020 02:30

IME these kinds of threads are mostly full of posters who have never even been on a holiday to the country that they are advising the OP not to go to

To be fair, the thread asks "would you go"? If only people who have already been were allowed to answer, then all the answers would be yes, wouldn't they? That would kind of defeat the object.

StoneofDestiny · 02/11/2020 02:33

Wouldn't set foot in Saudi - couldn't go along with their attitude to women or their treatment of poor foreign workers. I've been in many places in the ME - but won't go to SA - just read up about their unelected government, laws and restrictions. Don't have to go there to know that.

NeonGenesis · 02/11/2020 02:33

To be fair, the thread asks "would you go"? If only people who have already been were allowed to answer, then all the answers would be yes, wouldn't they? That would kind of defeat the object

I didn't really read it that way, but I take your point. For the record though- there are plenty of places that I have been where I would advise someone not to go. Just because you moved somewhere doesn't mean that you would give it a positive review.

StoneofDestiny · 02/11/2020 02:35

Reconsider Travel to Saudi Arabia due to COVID-19. Exercise increased caution in Saudi Arabia due to terrorism and the threat of missile and drone attacks on civilian targets. Read the Department of State's COVID-19 page before you plan any international travel.31 Aug 2020

Now read up on what the advice is about women!

SomeOfUs · 02/11/2020 02:53

@NeonGenesis

I'm curious as to how many of the pp have any actual experience of life Saudi Arabia?

I've moved around all over the world, so I often come to these threads in the hope that I can give some useful advice. IME these kinds of threads are mostly full of posters who have never even been on a holiday to the country that they are advising the OP not to go to.

Me and half of my friend list (about 90 people who left the project to get more money in Saudi)
rebecca102 · 02/11/2020 02:58

Hell NO.

Peridot2020 · 02/11/2020 03:03

For those wondering about Doha airport, if you type Doha, airport, Qatar Airways and Australia into Google news you'll find out what happened. I'm often awake and working during the early hours and Australian channels and newsdesks often cover stories that take ages to break here or not at all.

NeonGenesis · 02/11/2020 03:03

@SomeOfUs

It wasn't me who asked that question, I was just quoting the poster that asked the question. Sorry, I'm not great at using all the features on here and I think it sometimes messes up the flow of a thread. I am trying to get better

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/11/2020 03:07

@NeonGenesis

I'm curious as to how many of the pp have any actual experience of life Saudi Arabia?

I've moved around all over the world, so I often come to these threads in the hope that I can give some useful advice. IME these kinds of threads are mostly full of posters who have never even been on a holiday to the country that they are advising the OP not to go to.

I've been to more than 40 countries and lived in three. There are very few places I wouldn't consider going and Saudi is one of them. North Korea is another. Ummmm actually very few others.

And that's not the point. The point is that a woman whose marriage is already a bit dicey moving somewhere her husband has more rights than her is foolish. Or do you not agree?

turnitonagain · 02/11/2020 03:11

This is a hard one because it depends on the DH line of work. If you marry someone working in oil and gas or civil engineering, then a lot of the work these days is in developing countries with shaky rights for women and foreigners. Bit tough to turn around and refuse to support it now.

KillingOksana1 · 02/11/2020 03:41

Saudi Arabia would be hard no for me. I'm a Sales Manager and my region covers Saudi Arabia. Any in person meetings needed I'll ask a male colleague to go in my place and give them a cut of the deal. That could be anywhere between £500 to £3k off my commission per deal but is worth it to not risk my safety.

NeonGenesis · 02/11/2020 03:43

And that's not the point. The point is that a woman whose marriage is already a bit dicey moving somewhere her husband has more rights than her is foolish. Or do you not agree?

I think that was the point of the OP, but it wasn't really the point of that particular question, which I gave an honest answer to. I had also answered the OP earlier up thread in a separate comment.

SomeOfUs · 02/11/2020 03:48

@Jenasaurus

www.nzherald.co.nz/world/qatar-airways-airport-strip-search-doha-officials-referred-for-prosecution/KQOWHKO23KF5APGQLCETIVO5FM/

For those asking about Doha airport

I can't believe that happened in Doha! I spent my 4 years fully feeling safe . Had lots of Qatari friends and many of them were holding MSc from USA or UK, etc. I mean many people are educated, modern, .. This is so sad.
wellthatsunusual · 02/11/2020 03:56

Do married women still need their husband's permission to leave the country? I thought that had been relaxed but the gov.uk website says that it is the case. That one reason alone would be enough to stop me going, particularly if my marriage was already rocky.

To answer your question, I wouldn't set foot in Saudi Arabia. I have no desire to ever go somewhere that women are treated so appallingly. And I don't need to have lived there or even visited there to be sure of that. I know that expats can often live in compounds with other expats and enjoy a high quality of life but if something goes wrong then the risks are high.

Hargao · 02/11/2020 04:09

I wouldn't move to Saudi. Significantly because of the restrictions but also it's off the cards for me because education isn't up to the standard I expect. Obviously depends what stage of primary school your child is in and which city but my kids are older primary / starting secondary. I have heard people say that of you are on one of the big compounds with young kids Saudi can be a great life.

Are you muslim? We've lived in various countries in the Middle East for 15 years now and occasionally mull the idea of Saudi. It's actually my husband that has tended to block (although I'm now aligned because of education). His view is that it's one thing for me to choose to accept the restrictions for myself but he has a fundamental issue with accepting that someone he cares about (me) is restricted in that way. He's always refused to look seriously at move for that reason.

Saudi is definitely a country which you get to say no to as a woman and it is not the case that a good wife would move! I would say it's more common to not agree a Saudi move than to agree one.

Henrysmycat · 02/11/2020 04:21

I’ve worked there. Oil and gas. On day to day people were friendly but the law is the law. And I don’t care how good their food is, it was the shittiest place on earth (and I’ve worked in developing very poor African countries).
I realised I had to leave when, we had a car accident with our driver and a colleague. (Obviously, I was a woman and me asking to slow down and not drive like an idiot was ignored. ) We had to wait for another car to come and get me before doing anything as I was in a car with people that were not relatives. That was a wake up call, I could be serious hurt but that was secondary.
I never drank and lived a monastic life to avoid rumours. It was not worth it.
Never again.

HappenedForAReisling · 02/11/2020 04:27

i lived in a couple of countries in the ME for 11 years but Saudi? Nope.

Boomerwang · 02/11/2020 04:33

You said you didn't realise how bad it was out there. Do some research, please, for your own sakes.

pralineandketchup · 02/11/2020 04:37

@Peridot2020

For those wondering about Doha airport, if you type Doha, airport, Qatar Airways and Australia into Google news you'll find out what happened. I'm often awake and working during the early hours and Australian channels and newsdesks often cover stories that take ages to break here or not at all.
It's been on news sites here, I didn't always keep up with the news but I certainly saw that on it.
ineedaholidaynow · 02/11/2020 04:38

I wouldn’t advise anyone to relocate to another country if their marriage is rocky and they have a child. That is always going to be problematic if the marriage then fails. Obviously some countries will make that issue even worse.

JillGoodacre · 02/11/2020 05:07

I hate when people say as a women it will be dangerous for you. I've lived here in Kuwait for 6 years and it's fine. I feel safer than when I lived in the UK.

seayork2020 · 02/11/2020 05:13

@JillGoodacre

I hate when people say as a women it will be dangerous for you. I've lived here in Kuwait for 6 years and it's fine. I feel safer than when I lived in the UK.
So woman are able to go anywhere alone at any time and have the same freedoms and dress anyway they like as they do in the UK and other countries?
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