To ask if you feel you've "wasted" your education by being a SAHM?

[trashaccount]

To preface, I don't view it this way at all. I'm in full time education right now, with the intention of being a SAHM in the future and (probably) home educating my kids.

I don't feel any education is necessarily "wasted" as you still gain something from it, but there's definitely a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I'm doing it for very different reasons than my peer group.

Interested in hearing opinions (though please let's try and keep it respectful to both SAHMs and WMs). Thank you!

My poor dad paid for private school from 4-18...I was top of the class. Also have a degree. I spend my days ironing and going to the supermarket...an absolute waste.

@custardbear I agree yeah, there are some serious horror stories. I guess everyone believes they are the exception, but I am putting away some money in case things go wrong and we're married which gives me a few more rights (+ will hopefully have joint house ownership whenever we manage to save up enough money). I hear what you're saying though, and it is a factor to take into consideration.

@formerbabe Would you do things differently if you could? Did your dad have high expectations of your academic / career pursuits?

[quote trashaccount]@formerbabe Would you do things differently if you could? Did your dad have high expectations of your academic / career pursuits?[/quote]
It's quite complicated...I had a very mc, nice upbringing but my mum died young and my dad sort of gave up...I didn't really have any guidance and whilst I was quite academic, I lost my ambition when my mum died and had problems with anxiety. I got an average office job but had my dc in my mid twenties and kind of got stuck.

My education definitely isn’t wasted despite being a sahm. I don’t regret my education. I do regret going to uni before I knew what I wanted to do and wasting the funding then ultimately dropping out, and I regret wasting a lot of time and money in my 20’s before I had kids.

Ultimately though, every decision I made has led to my having my beautiful babies so it’s all worked out so far. I won’t always be a sahm, but I’ll always have those qualifications!

@formerbabe Anxiety for me has probably been one of the pallbearers of ambition, so I know how you feel in that respect
Do you get any satisfaction or happiness out of being a SAHM? (assuming that's what you are, sorry if I got it wrong)

@MuchTooTired Ah yes, me too! I spent a lot of money when I didn't have big goals to save for, which I'm kicking myself for now .

Are you excited to go back to work, if that's your plan?

[quote trashaccount]@formerbabe Anxiety for me has probably been one of the pallbearers of ambition, so I know how you feel in that respect
Do you get any satisfaction or happiness out of being a SAHM? (assuming that's what you are, sorry if I got it wrong)[/quote]
Yes I'm pretty happy generally but I do feel I wasted my potential. I would like to work because we could use the money and it would bring a different dimension to my life. I do not cope well with stress and the thought of juggling kids, the house and work makes me panic. I try to make the best of being at home.

@formerbabe What would you choose to do or work as if the opportunity presented itself? x

[quote trashaccount]@formerbabe What would you choose to do or work as if the opportunity presented itself? x[/quote]
I've only ever done admin work...I have no idea what I actually want to do!

Yes, I do feel it was a waste really.

@formerbabe I hope whatever it is you decide to do makes you happy and fulfilled x

@missmouse101 That's interesting, could you elaborate on why?

Thank you

I’ve become a SAHM for the next few years at least after having my third child. Feeling that I wasted my education was one of the things I struggled with when deciding not to go back to work, along with worrying what people would think of me, as it is an adjustment when people so often ask what you do and you always have an answer. But I overcame them. Ultimately I want to be at home at the moment and I don’t want to look back and regret not having done so simply because I didn’t want to feel as if my education was wasted. But it can be a tough transition when you have always studied and worked. But education and work experience hopefully set me up for whatever I end up doing in the next stage of life. And I draw on it daily anyway with all the questions my older kids ask me! But I totally understand your question - it took me a long time to make the decision.

In general, I think education is enriching. However, certain decisions can be unreasonable. I went to Oxbridge and there was a girl on my course who just wanted to become a SAHM which I thought made it very unreasonable for her to have taken a sought after place that would have helped launch the career of someone who wanted one. So I don’t think that people who don’t want a career should take up spots on really competitive courses like medicine or at really competitive universities because they won’t benefit as much from it as someone who does want a career. I also agree with pp that if you don’t intend to work you shouldn’t take a student loan.
In your personal circumstances I would also gently recommend not getting too hung up on being a SAHM because you can’t necessarily count on it. What if you have fertility issues and end up not having children after all, what would you do then?

A few things really.

What if you can't have children? Will you be stay at home then?
What if you find a job that you really love?

I think the thing to remember here is that children are transient. They will enter your day to day life and leave. You know it's a risky strategy and you've made your decision.

I know some really interesting and intelligent SAHMs and sometimes think that they could do a job far better than some of the people I know in work because parenthood goves another dimension.

Children definitely benefit from an educated mother, not just in the conventional sense but the cultural sense too.

OP, are you the same 17/18 year old poster who makes these threads every few months? You have a similar writing style if not. If so, what’s the aim of them? They are always the same. Are we some sort of university project or are you daydreaming over having babies in the future? I don’t understand why the threads keep coming.

[quote trashaccount]@MuchTooTired Ah yes, me too! I spent a lot of money when I didn't have big goals to save for, which I'm kicking myself for now .

Are you excited to go back to work, if that's your plan?[/quote]
I am, yes! I love my kids, and I’ve loved (mostly!) being at home with them, but I can’t wait to go back. Whilst my marriage is strong and there’s no financial abuse or anything, I don’t like being dependent on DH, and knowing if he changed his mind tomorrow and left that I’m screwed. Whilst I’ve never been a high earner, I’ve always had enough to cover myself, but with toddler twins I can’t make the numbers work and that terrifies me.

Plus, if I’m being 100% honest, being a SAHM isn’t quite what I thought it would be, and I’m not the mother I thought I’d be either.

I want my kids to grow up knowing and seeing that mama (and their dad too obvs) can do whatever needs doing and that there’s no such thing as ‘girl’ and ‘boy’ jobs. Plus the extra money would be helpful, I’m determined to save as much as I can do for their future so they don’t have to struggle so much when they reach adulthood.

@CommanderBurnham

What if you can't have children? Will you be stay at home then?
If I can't have children then I'll probably look into adoption and how to make myself the best candidate for that. If there's no method at all for having children, then I'll probably complete another qualification or try and get an internship so I can test out some stuff I'd like to do (covid allowing).
What if you find a job that you really love? If I find a job I love then I will reevaluate my options then and try to see if putting off having children for another few years. However, I think even if I really loved a job I'd probably quit (or potentially go remote working if possible) so I could raise my kids.

@JonHammIsMyJamm I've definitely made some previous threads about being a SAHM- I wouldn't consider them all to be the same thread though. I guess there's a wealth of knowledge from all the mums on here and it makes sense to hear people's views before making a concrete decision?

And no, if there was a university project happening it would not be smart to be divulging all this information about myself. I'm just an interested person and I'm trying to be proactive about my choices, which means getting advice / info from people who have lived certain elements of my potential future lifestyle. I'm very interested in what my writing style is though (bit like an accent I guess, you can't really notice it yourself!)

@MuchTooTired That's true, and definitely an element of what I'm worried about - definitely don't want whatever choice I make to be attributed to gender as opposed to personal preference. Twins sounds like a lot of work! Has that impacted on your perspective of being a SAHM at all? (e.g. I imagine it must be twice as much work & energy looking after two kiddos) x

My sibling at home now. If you have a degree think it would be good to be in the workplace. But not easy cost childcare etc. I did find taking chunk time out its hard start back on lowish money but everyone situation different.

@trashaccount what if, like soooooo many women, myself included, you have kids and find that being a SAHM is miserable, lonely and boring? I thought I'd hate going back to work (i was set on doing so because I've worked hard for my career and would likely never get it back if i took a break) but i ended up returning 3 months into my planned 1yr of leave.

No. I stopped work in my fairly niche arts based profession when I was 38 and on maternity leave with my first child. Although I had a lot of experience in my field and was very well paid given the industry (publishing) it was not enough within our family circumstances to justify working and commuting 40 hours per week to pay for childcare.

I was lucky in that as soon as my 2 children were born I felt almost euphoric and was certain I wanted to be with them most of the time. My lowly salary and my dh's more adequate salary made it easier to make the choices I did.

Sometimes I pine for my old job but that is more to do with missing my youth and my great work-related social life than anything to do with career, salary or place in the world.

I don't understand why you have to make a decision?? Life rarely turns out to plan.

@Ohalrightthen If I find it any of those things, I'll potentially start an internship (if I can find one) or maybe try and get some more qualifications while I try and find something I want to do. Or alternatively, take a gap year or a few and pick up a passion project of some kind e.g. doing up the house if we have one or writing a book, or getting properly fit. Just a few thoughts off the top of my head, though I do hope it would work out well

@Chicchicchicchiclana Sometimes I pine for my old job but that is more to do with missing my youth and my great work-related social life It's great you can make this distinction! I find myself missing things only to realise I actually only miss what they represent / how I felt at the time. Do you have any desire to go back to work at any point in time? (not assuming you should at all, just curious)