To think his parents are miserable bastards for not buying anything for the DC/DGC on birthdays and Christmas?

[ItsBeginningToLookAl0tLikeFuck]

My other halfs parents have never bought our DC birthday cards, presents or so much as a selection box at Christmas (they are long since divorced and live miles apart so are both guilty of this in equal measure)

They don't even give OH a birthday card and he's their son

OH has two lovely older DC from his previous marriage and they get sod all aswell.

OH said the last time he received a gift from his parents was when he was a teenager still living at home. Apparently they just don't "do" presents or cards, or phonecalls to wish anybody a happy birthday, or 99p selection boxes at Christmas

I'm not a grabby person, I think a selection box at Christmas and a card on birthdays would be more than enough and well received. It would certainly make the DC happy.

AIBU to think they are miserable bastards and not very kind?

you sound grabby

It's obviously the way they are. Maybe they don't place any value and don't see the significance of birthdays and Christmas.

Asides from this are they nice people?

I trust your OH doesn't bother with birthdays or Christmas for them?

Yanbu. Obviously it is their choice and money to be miserable with.
I can't imagine being so tight towards my DC or DGC if I have some.

I mentioned selection boxes alot there for one post, excuse that. It just seems like a good example of something that would be nice for the children and doesn't cost much

You certainly don’t sound grabby OP. Do they expect cards and gifts themselves? Do they bother with DH/DGC in terms of phone calls and visits?

If they’re uninvolved as DGC, I would just leave them to it. One day they’ll have no one to visit them and will wonder why.

I'm not grabby at all, I just feel sorry for my children that they're not thought about or valued on special occasions. I come from a family with not alot of money but despite that my side always make an effort.

One of the in laws is generally nice and I get on well with, the other one that lives further away not so much but that shouldn't have any baring on the kids.

OH always bothers with them on Xmas and birthdays irrespective.

Well done @heartshapedfaces you get the first square on Mumsnet bingo, but perhaps you were joking.

It depends on the relationship. If you don't ever see them then this is what happens people lose interest. It isn't usually about the money or being tight.

We see one of them (FIL) every other week and he seems to enjoy seeing the kids. We barely see MIL at all, she moved across the country and makes little effort with any of her children.

They are missing out on the joy of seeing their grandchildren excitedly opening a present. It doesn't have to be expensive for a child to be thrilled with a gift. You sound very kind and so I am sure your children and step -children will be well looked after by Santa and on their birthdays but I agree that your husband's parents are stingy!

That's shit for your kids. They sound like miserable bastards.

@ItsBeginningToLookAl0tLikeFuck

I'm not grabby at all, I just feel sorry for my children that they're not thought about or valued on special occasions. I come from a family with not alot of money but despite that my side always make an effort.

One of the in laws is generally nice and I get on well with, the other one that lives further away not so much but that shouldn't have any baring on the kids.

OH always bothers with them on Xmas and birthdays irrespective.

Gifts are not a reflection of someone's feelings

I have a brother and sister in law I very rarely see (once or twice a year) but we always exchange gifts and send cards for birthdays etc.

I find his family very unusual in that respect.

Op of course it's utterly miserable.

However.. There must be a noted difference between those that do gift and choose not too or show their favouritism or displeasure and those that genuinely don't bother.
I actually don't have an issue with the second per see.
Very much depends on the circumstances. I mean, someone who doesn't gift, but turns up totally empty handed when dc are there...

OH always bothers with them on Xmas and birthdays irrespective.

Maybe if he stopped they would realise why?

My fil is exactly the same, I find it really odd but he is a totally self centred twat though so not surprising. I don't think dh has had so much as a happy birthday since mil died 20 years ago. sil really spoils the dc though, I think she kinds took over her dms role Pays ALL fils bills

Very much depends on the circumstances. I mean, someone who doesn't gift, but turns up totally empty handed when dc are there...

FIL did this last Christmas. I didn't draw attention to it and made him feel welcome but I was miffed.

I would be telling my Dh that the presents for FIL stop this year. Everyone is cutting back, bla bla bla and he doesn’t seem to do Christmas gifts anyways!😁

FIL is like this - in his case it is lack of interest. He’s seen DS4 less than ten times in his entire life, and he lives 20mins away.

MIL used to buy all the family Christmas and birthday presents, and when she died, he just never bothered taking it over. So nobody gets anything from him. He expects presents, and we and SIL’s family buy amongst ourselves, but he CBA (and no, he is not that old, and does not have dementia - he is still working in a senior role, perfectly capable of choosing and buying gifts if he wanted to).

See if the older kids got it and yours didn't, or they brought for DH but not his kids I'd think it's mean bit clearly it's a generic bit boring thing. The kids will know Grandad loves them and have lovely memories of him. Grandma not so much and a selection box won't replace that.

I do get why it seems weird but as it isn't personal, I don't think you're kids are missing out or they're awful people etc

heartshapedfaces

“you sound grabby”

Grabby ? Asking for a card ? Seriously?

I have just bought DGS an Xbox and don’t think I am over the top .

My Pil are miserable bastards too. A fiver. For Christmas a tenner for birthdays. Miserable just fucking misery. They give nothing to my oh ever for birthday or Xmas.

Gifts are not a reflection of someone's feelings
They can be with DC. I agree it is the thought that counts it can be a small gift like a selection box these GP don't seem to spare a thought or a fiver for their DGC.

I would be telling my Dh that the presents for FIL stop this year.

Surely it's his decision and telling him is controlling behaviour.

If he wants to do it, it's up to him.

One of my Dsis PIL was like this, but as the DCs never received anything from him for birthdays or Christmas, they didn't expect anything.

He isn't miserable...but a very jovial character as it happens.

This year when you can't see people it is nice to know they think of you. Whether that is a card on your birthday or whatever. My mil hates birthdays and Christmas, she knows this is her issue and still arranges something for the kids (that something is that she deposits money in our account). But other points throughout the year she will call (not seen her this year though). First lockdown she sent craft materials and taught them to make something over zoom. Cards and presents are a way of maintaining a relationship when you can't do it in person. I'm not a big card person, (love Xmas, and birthdays, just not cards) but in ops in-laws case it seems part of a pattern of not being interested. She can't really stop her OH from getting his parents something though,tit for tat isn't a good look.