Hate partner wearing ex Wedding anniversary gift

[AllABitOdd]

Okay, totally prepared to say I'm being unreasonable.

DP and I have been living together for 2 years. No issues, totally see a future together. In fact, it feels like we should have always been together.
Except we haven't. He had a brief marriage before meeting me. Was already on the rocks by the 2nd anniversary. Divorced before the 3rd.

Problem I had no s she bought him an expensive watch for their first anniversary (thousands of pounds- something I could never afford) and he still wears it and I hate it. He has kind of mentioned about selling it/part exchanging it but hasn't.

I don't know why but I just hate it. It constantly reminds me that's at some point he had planned a future with someone else.

I almost want to push harder for him to sell it or trade it in for a different one?

AIBU?

Good job he didn’t have kids with her.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Good job he didn’t have kids with her.

Someone else said this??? What a crazy thing to say....how can you compare a partner having children with someone to a watch! I have a child- I would not suggest he has nothing to do with any kids if there were any

YABU - but I say that kindly. I have a very expensive watch, which is the one I wear. Bought for me by my exH during our similarly short marriage. Been with DH over a decade, he knows it’s just a watch - albeit a very nice one! It has no sentimental value, just v expensive to replace!

Well the lesson to be learned from all of this is that, if you get an expensive gift that you really like from an ex, never tell new partner its origin. What they don’t know won’t harm them. For goodness sake, it’s a watch! The actual watch is what matters to him, not the person he got it from. Don’t give it any more headspace.

You said you find reminders of his previous serious relationship/marriage difficult. If you’re struggling with an inanimate watch you’d find step parenting a challenge.

You have a child. That’s a constant living reminder to your boyfriend of a relationship you had before.
It’s a case of perspective. The watch issue is lacking some.

FreshfieldsGal

Could he maybe get your name or the date you met engraved on the back?

This just sounds weird and creepy. I wouldn't want my name on something my partners Ex bought.

how can you compare a partner having children with someone to a watch! I have a child- I would not suggest he has nothing to do with any kids if there were any
I don't think you'd suggest it but if you are irritated by a watch he received during a happy time I'd imagine the bond of DC with his ex would be hard to cope with.
Do you talk about the watch a lot? I'd hate my partner to ask me to sell an item I like one I probably wouldn't buy for myself just because it was a gift from an ex it is extreme.

@an

@ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes

I actually think he’d be an arse to continue wearing it if he knows it upsets you. It’s no skin off his nose to wear one of his others. Regardless of if you’re technically being oversensitive

So if one partner says something upsets them, no matter how irrational, the other partner should just do what they want them to?

@AnneLovesGilbert Of course I would have to learn to cope with a child. That's a non negotiable. What I find hard is that he "could" not wear the watch or change it for another one. I get that he doesn't have too....but he could. It could not be an issue. Obviously that's not an option with a child. Also, and child he had would be part him. The watch is something that an ex has chosen and given as a gift

I wouldn't stop using an expensive item that I liked in favour of a cheaper item just to make someone else happy. What a waste that would be.

If your ex bought you an Audi would you replace it with a robin reliant to please your new partner?

It is just a watch. Things are things and are not important. What is important is how he is with you, how the relationship is. My husband married me wearing the same suit he wore when he married his first wife. He only had one suit, we were broke and absolutely couldn't afford to buy him another. I didn't care. I knew he loved me and it was just a suit. We've been married 35 years now and I still know he loves me. Mind you, he doesn't wear the suit any more - its way too small !!

Yes but being partners doesn’t mean one person has to acquiesce and give in to the jealousy and pique of the other
The op need to get a perspective and not sweat it about a fancy watch
And no the op partner shouldn’t get shot of the watch to appease insecurity

I own a whole load of stuff people I don't like now bought me. I like the stuff. Not them. Yabu.
The tits comment makes me laugh.

My ex was a criminal although I didn't know it at the time
Went out tonight sporting a pink diamond necklace she bought me. How did she afford it I wonder. Hate her,love the necklace. I'll wear it out with my current partner-I like it. Doesn't mean I like her.

@EmeraldShamrock

how can you compare a partner having children with someone to a watch! I have a child- I would not suggest he has nothing to do with any kids if there were any I don't think you'd suggest it but if you are irritated by a watch he received during a happy time I'd imagine the bond of DC with his ex would be hard to cope with. Do you talk about the watch a lot? I'd hate my partner to ask me to sell an item I like one I probably wouldn't buy for myself just because it was a gift from an ex it is extreme.

No, I've never really mentioned the watch at all. If he connected the dots he would probably realise I don't like it though. But not sure if he has. He is insanely straight forward, which means sometimes you have to spell things out for him

It constantly reminds me that's at some point he had planned a future with someone else.

He was married. Of course he planned a future with someone else and if it's an issue for you, then you shouldn't be with a divorced man.

how can you compare a partner having children with someone to a watch! I have a child- I would not suggest he has nothing to do with any kids if there were any

If youfeel a watch reminds you he had a future with someone else, why wouldn't children do the same?

A watch is just a gift...a material item. Children would signify much more of a future than a functional piece of jewellery.

You say you're secure in the relationship, but it doesn't come across that way.

You've already spoken about not being able to afford a watch like that...which is just one example that demonstrates your insecurity...or possibly ignites feelings of jealousy.

Also, any child he had would be part him.
The child would also be part of the Ex too. Could you handle that?

The watch is something that an ex has chosen and given as a gift

Like any gift really. Unless one that was requested by the recipient.

I get where you are coming from, your thoughts and feelings are irrational, but it doesn't stop you having them.

My DH has been married before......I'm pretty sure some of his things (which we don't actually use) were wedding presents. I'm not bothered now, but I do remember getting wound up about a dining table and chairs. More so because they were fucking ugly, rather than a wedding present, he didn't want to get rid of them, but it turns out it was because his parents bought it.
We compromised in the end (We didn't, I won the argument, he just thinks we did) and put them into storage at his parents.

However.....he did cash in his gold wedding ring......it paid for both of our wedding bands and we had enough left over to buy champagne. Some of our friends thought that was weird......I thought it was hilarious and the complete opposite of how I thought I'd feel

@EmeraldShamrock

I don't think you'd suggest it but if you are irritated by a watch he received during a happy time I'd imagine the bond of DC with his ex

I agree with you. Infact it reminds me of a thread where the woman hated her stepdaughter, because it was a reminder her H had sex with someone else.

Her H was the one who posted the thread and everyone told him to divorce her, because she didn't want his DD in the house.

All I can say to the OP..is thank heavens he doesn't have a child with her.

The man I adore and who is sitting reading right next to me has a watch that is a big name watch, pretty much the biggest name there is l, given to him by the woman he spent the longest amount of time with, who broke his heart at the time, but who is still a friend even though 30 odd years have passed and 2 ex wives have come and gone.

It’s a watch, it means a lot to him, it suits him and it was given with love and accepted with love and gratitude

That’s it. It’s just a watch, but he likes it.

Your man is with you for you, and mine is the happiest he’s ever been with anyone in all his 50odd years. Yup.. including the one who gave him the watch.

Don’t be paranoid, don’t be insecure, it’s stupid and unattractive

Be strong, be confident and know you’re loved

Believe it.

@AllABitOdd I hope the thread is helping you to feel a bit better about this. You are being a bit of a silly sausage but I do understand - I'm an old bag now but when I was in my early twenties, I went out with a man who had been married before. I couldn't get to grips with the fact that he'd already done all the 'firsts' with someone else. I had to end things eventually, I was being unfair to both of us. Looking back now, I can see that this was simply down to my age - things are very black and white at that age but with time, you realise there's at least a hundred shades of grey inbetween!

As others have already said, I'd put a tenner on it being 'just a watch' to him. Many men think very differently to women about stuff like this (NAMALT disclaimer), it's just the way they are and it certainly isn't done in malice.

Perhaps remind yourself of what you do have and in your head, say 'thank you' to the ex. Not only did she help DP decide what he does and does not want out of a relationship, she's also saved you a couple of grand on that watch!

YABVU. It's just a watch, and I don't blame him for not wanting to get rid!

I don’t see how selling it and buying another watch is much different, because then he’d only have the watch due to the money from the sale of the watch from the ex.

I’ve just remembered a few things DH and I both use in our home that were wedding gifts from my first marriage. I really can’t imagine him grumping about me still having them. Why waste good quality things that have lasted a long time?

It’s a sign of significant insecurity. What are you doing that would make him connect the dots as you put it?

Is this really about marriage? Do you want to get married? How does he feel?

@june2007

He,s lstening to Zsa Zsa Gabore. (always keep the ring.)

Didn't she describe herself as a housekeeper, When I divorce, I always keep the house.

It constantly reminds me that's at some point he had planned a future with someone else.

Presumably you did with the father of your child? You've been very defensive to posters who have challenged you as well as (IMO) being unreasonable about the watch - I think your insecurities are stopping you being fully happy. He's with you, if he treats you well and isn't unkind then don't sabotage it by attaching more to the situation than there actually is. He isn't doing that when you clearly planned a future with someone else too - you know that hasn't made you any less in love with him or want a future any less with him. So him wearing a watch shouldn't make you feel like he is any different to you in that respect.