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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hate partner wearing ex Wedding anniversary gift

165 replies

AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 20:35

Okay, totally prepared to say I'm being unreasonable.

DP and I have been living together for 2 years. No issues, totally see a future together. In fact, it feels like we should have always been together.
Except we haven't. He had a brief marriage before meeting me. Was already on the rocks by the 2nd anniversary. Divorced before the 3rd.

Problem I had no s she bought him an expensive watch for their first anniversary (thousands of pounds- something I could never afford) and he still wears it and I hate it. He has kind of mentioned about selling it/part exchanging it but hasn't.

I don't know why but I just hate it. It constantly reminds me that's at some point he had planned a future with someone else.

I almost want to push harder for him to sell it or trade it in for a different one?

AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 20:55

@Floralnomad of course not- that's ridiculous. You can't swap/ part exchange children or animals. A watch you can.

OP posts:

BigBadVoodooHat · 31/10/2020 20:56

Maybe in a few years it will go back up again in value and we can get rid of it

“We”?

Original poster

AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 20:58

@BigBadVoodooHat well yes, it would be him to sell or whatever. I know it's juvenile but I really don't like it...

OP posts:

BurningMam · 31/10/2020 20:58

YABU. If it were sentimental to him then he wouldn't wear it. It's a nice watch and would be very wasteful to never wear it. You can't tell him what to wear anymore than he gets to tell you what to wear. His body, his choice. You're unreasonable to try to change him, he wore it when you got together... There's so many reasons why you're in the wrong.

Frannibananni · 31/10/2020 20:58

YABU. So he had a life before you, get over yourself. Don’t be jealous that she could afford it at the time. ( you mentioned the cost). I really do think you are being unreasonable, why should he sell it and buy a cheaper one to stroke your ego.

NannyGythaOgg · 31/10/2020 21:03

YABU

AuntPeggy · 31/10/2020 21:11

YABU and a bit over fixated on what is not a typically sentimental item. He has the watch, likes it and wears it, not a big deal. Would be significant maybe if engraved with a massively sentimental message or he was wearing a locket with her picture in it but clearly that's not the case. If anything it speaks to how much he is over her, I don't think I could wear something that reminded me of an unwanted ex - I think it's clear he likes the watch more than her!

Nicknacky · 31/10/2020 21:11

I have a beautiful watch that my H bought me years ago. A new partner would be told to get stuffed if he expected me not to wear it and “we” certainly wouldn’t be selling it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/10/2020 21:12

Why does it bother you that she spent more on a watch than you could afford?

DH has several things his ex got him or that he bought when they were married that cost far more than we could afford now. He had a very expensive divorce and she’s pretty pricey to maintain now many years on which is one of the reasons we don’t have the budget for high end goods! But I’m glad he’s got lovely things that he couldn’t get now, quality things that have lasted. Why be upset he had a life before you? He wouldn’t be who he is today without all the paths he travelled to get here. This is my second marriage. My ex was a fucking nightmare but without that experience I wouldn’t be who I am now.

Heyahun · 31/10/2020 21:13

Omg 😆 seriously you have self esteem issues or something you need to get some help for - it’s just a watch!
Everyone has a past - he’s not with her anymore - he likes the watch - why not wear it?

I have a lovely fur coat my ex got for me - I still wear it now even though I’m married to someone else now - no way am I ditching that coat! I love it !

xoxogossipgirl2020 · 31/10/2020 21:13

My partner still wears his wedding ring (but on his other hand) it was his grandads so had a bigger sentimental value but it does bother me. Can fully imagine if we make it down the aisle he’s want it as his wedding ring again which does piss me off!!! I think women are more sentimental than men (broad statement, apologies) if we ever split I wouldn’t want to part with my engagement ring, and that IS for sentimental reasons, as its worth nothing....so let’s hope I never have to cross that bridge as that’s awkward!

MikeUniformMike · 31/10/2020 21:13

Had he not told you it was a present from his ex, there wouldn't be an issue.

I'd just see it as a watch. I still use things that XP gave me, it doesn't mean that I feel any affection towards him.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but he shouldn't have told you.

Cadent · 31/10/2020 21:14

YABU. But him a replacement .

Ohtherewearethen · 31/10/2020 21:14

YABVU. You sound like a jealous control freak to be honest. You're the one making a big deal over this watch being a gift from his ex wife, not him. He can't, and shouldn't, pretend he wasn't married and didn't have things before he met you. You need to get over this. As for the 'we can get rid of it' nonsense - just stop it. It's not yours or partially yours to get rid of.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 31/10/2020 21:15

Yabu, I do understand why but why should he wear something he likes less? My husband bought me a watch I really wanted on a date memorable to us. To be honest I love it because its totally 'me', not because of what it represents. If we split up no way would I sell it because I know I wont find one that I like more. When I wear different watches now, they feel really odd on my wrist

diamondpony80 · 31/10/2020 21:15

My DH places no sentimental value on things like that at all. For him it would mean absolutely nothing other than the fact it’s a watch and he likes it.

Dustysilkflowers · 31/10/2020 21:18

It will honestly just a nice watch to him

FenellaVelour · 31/10/2020 21:20

I just can’t understand getting het up about an object. I also had a brief marriage 20 years ago and I still use the crockery set that was a wedding gift on that day. My now-husband uses it too. I also still wear the necklace that my first husband bought me to wear on our wedding day, because it’s pretty and I like it. It has zero emotional meaning to me. It’s just a thing.

Original poster

AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 21:21

@Heyahun and @Ohtherewearethen....jeez, no need to be quite so harsh. Lots of others have managed to inform me AIBU without calling me names

OP posts:

yellowcatss · 31/10/2020 21:23

his body his choice he can decide what he wears on his wrist!

Eckhart · 31/10/2020 21:24

It constantly reminds me that's at some point he had planned a future with someone else

But you won! You're jealous of the person he used to plan a future with. Now all they get of him is that he wears the watch. Now he plans the future with you, and you get HIM.

SimonJT · 31/10/2020 21:24

Would you get rid of an item you liked and wore on a regular basis to please him?

I still wear my engagement ring, mainly on my right hand, but it fits slightly better on my left so if its cold I tend to wear it on my left hand, so on my actual ring finger. I also have a nice watch that my ex-fiance bought me, I wear it most days, its a lovely vintage watch that I had wanted to buy for a while, but I couldn’t justify the cost. If my partner asked me not to wear them or worse to sell them it would be a very clear no.

Jellycatspyjamas · 31/10/2020 21:26

You knew he had a life, and a marriage before you - she clearly mattered to him at some point but you knew that when you met him. It’s utterly unreasonable to expect him not to wear a very nice watch - one that he’d not be able to replace - because she bought it.

She mattered to him once before, your relationship is solid by your description, she doesn’t matter to him in the same way now but you can’t erase part of his life because you don’t like it. Let him enjoy his watch, and his new life with you.

spongedog · 31/10/2020 21:26

Gosh you sound like my ex-H partner. When he and I married we were both in good jobs - so I had bought him a really good watch and then for our wedding day absolutely gorgeous cufflinks as the wedding day presents. (I guess i had been reading the what to do, got nothing from him!!). We had children and then divorced.

I know he sold the watch - wasnt worth much second hand. He hasnt sold the cufflinks yet. Shame we wont pass them onto our DC. I kept (by default) all of the wedding bits including photos. I have told DC where they are (in loft) and what they are. I dont want them but DC might enjoy in the future at least seeing them. Please don't be that person who is so jealous that they cannot accept a previous relationship. It is not nice. I am not sure from your postings if there are DC involved. If not then perhaps this is OK.

Original poster

AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 21:27

Thank you @Eckhart

@SimonJT I can see what you are saying. And I understand you are under no obligation to get rid of them. I'm not sure I could handle my partner wearing a wedding ring in his ring finger though I'll be honest!! You must have a very secure partner

OP posts:

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