Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hate partner wearing ex Wedding anniversary gift

165 replies

AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 20:35

Okay, totally prepared to say I'm being unreasonable.

DP and I have been living together for 2 years. No issues, totally see a future together. In fact, it feels like we should have always been together.
Except we haven't. He had a brief marriage before meeting me. Was already on the rocks by the 2nd anniversary. Divorced before the 3rd.

Problem I had no s she bought him an expensive watch for their first anniversary (thousands of pounds- something I could never afford) and he still wears it and I hate it. He has kind of mentioned about selling it/part exchanging it but hasn't.

I don't know why but I just hate it. It constantly reminds me that's at some point he had planned a future with someone else.

I almost want to push harder for him to sell it or trade it in for a different one?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Leannethom85 · 31/10/2020 22:19

Men don't think like women... They aren't sentimental over gifts unless it's a hammer, spanner or bloody PlayStation. An to your partner it's just a watch an ex bought... Which he likes, not because he still likes the woman.. Let him keep the watch

lurker101 · 31/10/2020 22:21

If it helps - there’s an old wives tale that if you buy a spouse/romantic interest a watch it “calls time” on the relationship, so you can look at the watch as a gift that brought you together, rather than a sentimental gift from his ex

Original poster
AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 22:23

@2020iscancelled

The thing to remember is not everyone looks at things with the same eyes as you. Not everyone feels the same.

For example I am NOT a sentimental person in terms of gifts, dates, places etc. I have a fairly expensive watch from an ex of many years ago and I occasionally wear it bc it’s lovely and it looks nice with formal clothes and I like it. I do not associate it with my ex AT ALL.

Now I have a friend who every single thing you can think she will associate it with a date or a person or a place... if you go to a certain town it reminds her of an ex, a certain food smell it reminds her of an ex, every other month there is an anniversary of something or other which has happened to them... it’s exhausting tbh but that’s her prerogative.

Everyone is different, expecting your ex to get rid of something he likes and enjoys because of feelings YOU have attached to it is unreasonable.
If he has zero sentimental attachment to it then there is no reason to feel put out by him wearing it.

Be glad it’s not a tattoo of her name on his private parts Grin

Dead right- could be much worse!
OP posts:
Nicknacky · 31/10/2020 22:24

Leannetom85 don’t think it’s fair to think men aren’t sentimental like women. There are plenty of posters here who have said they aren’t sentimental, me included.

And how sexist to say they are only sentimental over tools.....

Original poster
AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 22:24

@lurker101

If it helps - there’s an old wives tale that if you buy a spouse/romantic interest a watch it “calls time” on the relationship, so you can look at the watch as a gift that brought you together, rather than a sentimental gift from his ex
Ah this is great! Thanks!
OP posts:
SentientAndCognisant · 31/10/2020 22:24

⬆️⬆️And the tired gender stereotypes award🏆 goes to @Leannethom85
Stuff is stuff, women don’t float in an emotional froth attributing worth to every item
We are capable as liking as item just because, not everything has laboured sentimentality

Mylo25 · 31/10/2020 22:26

Hmmm, I do see where you're coming from.
Along similar lines I still wear a watch from my MIL that she gave me when we were on better terms, we do not speak now at all and won't be in the same room but I still wear the watch as its comfortable and handy for work.
Maybe your partner just sees it as not a big deal.

eaglejulesk · 31/10/2020 22:31

YABU. It's just a watch! If it was expensive, and he likes it, why should he get rid of it just because you have a silly issue with it. Getting rid of the watch doesn't change the fact that he originally planned a life with someone else, but he's now with you - you need to get over this.

MsIrrational · 31/10/2020 22:32

YABVU.

I have some beautiful jewellery from DP and if we ever split I'd still continue to wear it.

There's probably no sentiment behind it and even if there is that isn't a bad thing. There's no harm in having a fond memory or object of/from someone else. Afterall we've all had lives before we ever met our OH! Why should it be removed and forbidden.

ColdCottage · 31/10/2020 22:32

Maybe have it engraved with a message from you?

HappenedForAReisling · 31/10/2020 22:33

If if was to divorce my DH I wouldn't get rid of my tits just because he bought them for me

That could be a problem for me. DH paid for me to have laser surgery on my eyes Hmm

GarlicSoup · 31/10/2020 22:33

YABVVU it’s a bloody watch. If he wanted to be with her they wouldn’t have got divorced.

anxietygirl76 · 31/10/2020 22:36

I wear jewellery bought for me by my ex husband. Because it's mine and I like it.
My partner wears clothes bought for him by his ex (a jacket) and has a lovely clock in our new home that she bought for him. It's just a clock and it's really nice. Try to put it out of your mind where it came from ☺️

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/10/2020 22:38

@AllABitOdd

Thanks all. I Kind of new I was probably over thinking it. He does like it, but I don't think there is any sentiment attached to it. I think the reason the part ex thing hasn't happened is because it's only a few years old and has depreciated in value so would need to add £££ to replace. He likes watches and would want a new one with the money. Maybe in a few years it will go back up again in value and we can get rid of it Winkwhat annoys me a bit, is he has others. He could just wear the others until said watch goes back up in value and is worth exchanging. That annoys me actually

I'm happy to except that IABU...but I can't pretend to like it!

Is this really about the watch or the fact that you wouldn’t be able to afford to buy him one like this ex did?
Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 31/10/2020 22:42

Maybe have it engraved with a message from you?

Mmm because that's not at all weird...Confused

EmeraldShamrock · 31/10/2020 22:44

I doubt he attaches any sentiments to the watch other than it is a nice watch.
In the grand scheme of things does it matter. Take your focus off the watch.

Nicknacky · 31/10/2020 22:44

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel It would be cheaper if she just peed on it!

Original poster
AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 22:47

@GrumpyHoonMain a bit of both I think. If I could afford to buy I better one- so as nice as I'm pretty sure he would wear the one I bought.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 22:47

[quote AllABitOdd]@GrumpyHoonMain a bit of both I think. If I could afford to buy I better one- so as nice as I'm pretty sure he would wear the one I bought.[/quote]
"A" better one
"It" as nice

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 31/10/2020 22:48

I would find your attitude quite odd op. I still wear my engagement ring from my exH and current H doesn’t care. It’s just a nice ring which I chose. H bought me a lovely watch for my 40th. I’d never stop wearing it or sell it just because someone new said they didn’t like me wearing it.

Original poster
AllABitOdd · 31/10/2020 22:48

"Or" as nice.

I give up. Autocorrect seems worse on Mumsnet????Hmm

OP posts:
SavageBeauty73 · 31/10/2020 22:48

I have a Cartier my exH bought me. I absolutely hate him (he's blocked) but I love the watch. I never think of him when I wear it 🤷‍♀️

Addicted2LoveIsland · 31/10/2020 22:49

Hell I would wear it myself if it's a nice expensive watch

EmeraldShamrock · 31/10/2020 22:49

It would be cheaper if she just peed on it 🤣
Just be grateful the watch is all he has from his first marriage. You can't sell DC put things in perspective don't be jealous of the past unless he has a photo in his wallet too.

Strugglingtodomybest · 31/10/2020 22:56

I know it's juvenile but I really don't like it...

You've said it yourself it's juvenile. Instead of spending your time worrying about the watch, why don't you spend that time doing a little CBT on yourself so you can get over it?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.