Gave my number to a guy at the gym, subsequent weird text exchange

[RainbowPuzzle]

Last week a man approached me in the gym to introduce himself and chat, he seemed pleasant so when he asked to take me out some time we exchanged numbers. I'm not really looking for anything but wouldn't have minded dating.

He text me the following day and after a few minutes of benign chat and him saying he wishes he could be here with me this followed..

"Let me tell you something, I want to be honest to you"

I replied go ahead..

Him: "I'm looking for a serious relationship. Are you ready for a relationship? If we like each other?"

I replied saying I couldn't possibly answer that as we hadn't so much as had one date

He then replied saying "Yeah that's why we should meet up soon. I was just saying that to let you know"

He then asks if I want more kids (I had told him I have 2)

I reply in humour and say maybe in a decade or so but definitely not anytime soon. That kills the conversation stone dead as he replies "ok" and then nothing since.

Now my AIBU is:

AIBU to conclude that he was just angling for a quick shag, and that he came out with the speal about looking for a serious relationship because that's what he thinks women want to hear.

The asking me if I want any more children was, to me, him trying to ascertain whether there's any chance of him having unprotected sex with me any time soon.

Given that I wasn't receptive I'm hoping he doesn't bother approaching me again if I see him there tomorrow.

Am I too cynical or do you agree with my suspicion?

@Firsttimemummy33 but did he ask you after a ten minute conversation? Before you two had even gone on a date? And not even in person but over text message as well, it's so clinical!

I get being upfront about what you're looking for but I really don't think it's anyone's place to quizz you about intimate details of your life in circumstances such as the OP describes

Either way it’s a field of red flags. Bullet dodged.

A very good male friend of mine is in his late 30s single for over 10 years. All he wants from life is a nice woman and a family so any person he dates he does so hoping they’ll get on well enough to form a serious relationship so he tells them that at the start. If she wants a fling it fwb situation then he’s simply not interested so perhaps he was just being forward about what he wants

For those saying he’s just being straight about what he wants... seriously they haven’t even been on a date yet. They don’t know if they’ll even get on.

Yes you can be honest about your general intentions - but anyone who thinks this is normal is quite frankly deluded.

@MLMbotsgoaway

For those saying he’s just being straight about what he wants... seriously they haven’t even been on a date yet. They don’t know if they’ll even get on.

Yes you can be honest about your general intentions - but anyone who thinks this is normal is quite frankly deluded.

It’s just a difference in how people date. I wouldn’t bother going on a date with a guy if I didn’t know this. Why? Because I have plenty of friends to see and things to do with my evenings, and no intention wasting time to “get to know” people who aren’t on the same page as me.

If you’re on a dating site and live somewhere like London, there are tonnes of attractive, interesting, nice and compatible people. I don’t want to go on first dates for lunch/breakfast/dinner/drinks each day, so I filter them and make sure they’re on the same page on all levels. The date is like a few stages after, because it’s time consuming and I’m not going to waste an evening on a no-hoper. I’d rather go out with a friend than a first date who doesn’t meet my basic requirements. It always amazes me how many people are dating for months and only then “find out” whether he wants kids, a relationship, etc. Like I wouldn’t go for a drink with a guy if we didn’t have the same answers on these!

But people are free to date however they want, all styles are fine and personal prefeeence. Just not everyone shares the same model of dating, and it doesn’t make a guy a creep. It doesn’t even necessarily mean he’s looking to have kids nowish, maybe he wants them in 1.5 years, and his time is too precious to waste dating women not on the same page.

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy but they didn’t meet online, he gave her his number in the gym saying “let’s go for a drink sometime”. Then followed up with a load of old shite.
If you cannot see the red flags here I worry for you.

Since you created the thread, OP, you've obviously got the ick about him now, thinking he's a red flag weirdo, so what does it matter anyway.

And he wants kids sooner than in 10 years so he's got the ick with you now, since he just said ''ok'' and nothing else.

Or the Iran/visa possibility is a concern, he needed a marriage. Whichever way up, it sounds more hassle than it's worth at this point.

Look, the visa thing should not even be a concern.
If you have a UK employer, they pay for your work visa £0 out of pocket
If you have a U.K. partner, YOU pay for your partner visa, which is currently around £3k for 2.5yrs out of YOUR pocket even if you have a U.K. employer/job.

Immigrants are more likely to pursue a work visa through their job for a free than marry a U.K. person for a visa costing thousands.