Gave my number to a guy at the gym, subsequent weird text exchange

[RainbowPuzzle]

Last week a man approached me in the gym to introduce himself and chat, he seemed pleasant so when he asked to take me out some time we exchanged numbers. I'm not really looking for anything but wouldn't have minded dating.

He text me the following day and after a few minutes of benign chat and him saying he wishes he could be here with me this followed..

"Let me tell you something, I want to be honest to you"

I replied go ahead..

Him: "I'm looking for a serious relationship. Are you ready for a relationship? If we like each other?"

I replied saying I couldn't possibly answer that as we hadn't so much as had one date

He then replied saying "Yeah that's why we should meet up soon. I was just saying that to let you know"

He then asks if I want more kids (I had told him I have 2)

I reply in humour and say maybe in a decade or so but definitely not anytime soon. That kills the conversation stone dead as he replies "ok" and then nothing since.

Now my AIBU is:

AIBU to conclude that he was just angling for a quick shag, and that he came out with the speal about looking for a serious relationship because that's what he thinks women want to hear.

The asking me if I want any more children was, to me, him trying to ascertain whether there's any chance of him having unprotected sex with me any time soon.

Given that I wasn't receptive I'm hoping he doesn't bother approaching me again if I see him there tomorrow.

Am I too cynical or do you agree with my suspicion?

@Rainbowqueeen

Now you’ve said English is not his first language I’d assume he’s an immigrant looking for a way to stay here

That was my first thought before I heard about the language thing. Now it seems even more likely.

Now you’ve said English is not his first language I’d assume he’s an immigrant looking for a way to stay here

@Frazzled13

Now you’ve said English is not his first language I’d assume he’s an immigrant looking for a way to stay here

Why the raised eyebrow? You do know this happens don’t you?

Way too much and way too soon. You hardly know this person and he hardly knows you yet he's basically ready to commit to a long term relationship and children after about 3 text messages!

That's not how relationships normally start or progress.

I don't think dating him will be any fun. It will always be about moving on to the next stage rather than just enjoying each other's company. I also think the previous poster's comment about an expiring visa might well be a possibility.

Seems very full on. But i would think hes genuinely letting you know hes not out for a ons but a proper relationship.

This direct approach is unusual for a man so it's easy to read too much into it, but it could be that hes just being honest and upfront.

His behaviour is just too much. It would put me right off. It’s a nice thing to say something along the lines “I’d love to get to know you better”, but the way he texts is creepy.

I am old. (I have decided that I am glad of this from a dating perspective!). Surely to God this is weird as whatnot before he’s even asked you if you fancy going out for a drink....??

Seems abit forward. But if that was me and I gave my number it would be for a good reason. I am not one for casual sex. So if I swapped numbers I'd see how the conversation went but I'd be on the look out for players. If they ask me for nudes or what I like in bed I just get uncomfortable. It puts me off.

Perhaps he's just nervous about being hurt or catching feelings. If he thinks your gorgeous and fears getting close to find out you had no real interest in him then perhaps he's just being forward.

That being said. The kid thing is ridiculous and too intense. So I think this guy is probably one to move on from. Sounds like you are both in very different places

You're taking it far too personally. Adults need to establish whether they are on the same page once you get to a certain age. There is really no point spending a year getting to know someone if you can establish in the first conversation that you want different things.

It's not about wanting to settle down with YOU, it's about establishing whether it's worth investing time and energy in finding out whether he wants to. I think it's a fairly mature approach and nothing wrong with it.

Wtf! !!!!!

I think you're possibly wildly overthinking....but in any case he is coming on far too keen and I'd run a mile.

@bitheby

See I would read that completely the opposite way to you. I'd read it that he's looking to settle down and have a family and if that's not what you're looking for then he's not about to waste his time.

That’s how I read it too. He even said “if we like each other”.

I thought he’s looking for a visa too.

Too much to soon.

If english isn’t his first language and he said that, avoid.

He sounds way too forward but I think for the opposite reasons you describe - he wants a serious relationship and kids and got the vibe it’s not where you’re at right now.

Either way sounds like you’ve dodged someone who is bad at social interaction, so I would just be glad about that!

I don't think this is too weird these days...agree with others that if you were on a dating website, this info would be on your profile. In which case he'd probably scroll past you if you hadn't ticked the 'looking for a relationship' box and not waste his or your time by asking you out on a date? He didn't ask if you wanted a relationship with him, he was just checking whether you were looking for/open to a relationship...if you're not looking for a relationship, then he's not going to waste his time dating you. Not a big deal. Move on.

maybe another perspective - if he is a business owner, it could be that he is treating relationships the same way he deals with business - upfront and part of a negotiation?

Seems as if he's saying what he wants rather than messing you around, and that he isn't being casual.

Sounds like our old next door neighbour DESPRATE to settle down .Wouldn't surprise me if on first date invited them back for a brew and came downstairs with a wedding dress for them .
Hence to say 15 years on he's still single .

Maybe he wanted to find out if you tick a few boxes before he starts dating you. In any case this isn't an attractive behaviour. He is rather weird. I'd block him.

I'm sitting on the fence with voting.

In my younger years, I met someone who I would have been keen to see again and become involved with (should have all the boxes been ''ticked'') but he said to me he wasn't looking for anything serious and he thought he should mention that as I seemed a ''nice girl''...

We don't always say things how we intend them to mean and (well at least me) have a foot in mouth gene.

He knew I had kids after chatting to me in the gym, he asked if I was busy later on (that day) and I said I was yes I had to get home for the DC.

Admittedly I can be very cynical, but even without the talk of "are you ready for a serious relationship" and asking if I want kids, he spoiled it for himself before that by saying "I wish i was there with you"

You're taking it far too personally. Adults need to establish whether they are on the same page once you get to a certain age. There is really no point spending a year getting to know someone if you can establish in the first conversation that you want different things.

Well, this is a point of view I suppose but I am with the OP.

It is weird. What about the romance? What about being wooed? What about finding out whether there is a spark? No, the bloke in the gym has cut to the chase immediately. Do you want to be serious with him? Do you want to settle down and have children with him? All this before you have even been on a date!

I would run a mile. It’s all a bit too businesslike for me, and I speak as somebody whose head has always ruled her heart.

I’d be curious about how many other women at the gym, or in other places, he has tried this approach on. No shade on the OP: I bet that she is lovely, but this sounds like an approach that has been well honed!

This sounds less weird once you've been on internet dating sites for more than 30 seconds - this info is basically covered in your profile before you even decide whether to 'like' someone on the app. He's possibly just dated a few casual British women and is trying to be clear he's after something more substantial.

I'd say the English- not-first-language thing is very relevant here.

(Still wouldnt' date him, but more likely he's a bit crap at speaking to women, than an actual creep)

Next time speak to the person over the phone then you can gauge how they mean things. It's not easy reading intentions through text.
I agree with posters saying that he just doesn't want to waste his time on a casual fling. Maybe he's been on 10 first dates this month and has decided not to waste his time on idle chit chat. You don't owe him answers and is clearly not for you. However another woman might be happy to find a straight talker.