Gave my number to a guy at the gym, subsequent weird text exchange

[RainbowPuzzle]

Last week a man approached me in the gym to introduce himself and chat, he seemed pleasant so when he asked to take me out some time we exchanged numbers. I'm not really looking for anything but wouldn't have minded dating.

He text me the following day and after a few minutes of benign chat and him saying he wishes he could be here with me this followed..

"Let me tell you something, I want to be honest to you"

I replied go ahead..

Him: "I'm looking for a serious relationship. Are you ready for a relationship? If we like each other?"

I replied saying I couldn't possibly answer that as we hadn't so much as had one date

He then replied saying "Yeah that's why we should meet up soon. I was just saying that to let you know"

He then asks if I want more kids (I had told him I have 2)

I reply in humour and say maybe in a decade or so but definitely not anytime soon. That kills the conversation stone dead as he replies "ok" and then nothing since.

Now my AIBU is:

AIBU to conclude that he was just angling for a quick shag, and that he came out with the speal about looking for a serious relationship because that's what he thinks women want to hear.

The asking me if I want any more children was, to me, him trying to ascertain whether there's any chance of him having unprotected sex with me any time soon.

Given that I wasn't receptive I'm hoping he doesn't bother approaching me again if I see him there tomorrow.

Am I too cynical or do you agree with my suspicion?

It's impossible to know what vibes he gives off in person, but the asking about kids could indicate that maybe he really wants kids of his own and wants to weed out any women who aren't interested.

I think he was creepy and very full on. But no, I don’t think the reference to children was an attempt to get you to have unprotected sex. I think he was just far too forward.

Because anyone who doesn’t have English as a first language is obviously looking for a passport 🙄

Omg can’t believe people have said he’s just trying to stay here 😂 slightly racist? Also even if you got married you still have to pay thousands and take multiple tests before becoming a citizen so it’s actually not an easy route.

I think he’s just being honest and wants to be upfront before going any further. May be slightly racist to say but English women have a rep of being slags to people from other countries.... I have a few spanish male friends and they are very polite and lovely and would probably say something like this to a woman too.

It’s xenophobia at the very least these comments about him being an immigrant and visas.

He said if you like each other. Most people are looking for a long term relationship unless they want casual sex for life. He was just asking what you're looking for, if anything. It's how people work out whether they're wasting their own, or your, time.

I’d be put off by this. When I’ve had someone with this kind of overly upfront approach they’ve been people who’ve been very demanding quite early on and had a lot of ‘expectations’. The partner I’m with now was actually ‘straightforward’ asked me out, got to know me, was clear he liked me etc. I think the thing that really puts me off is that he is asking these very personal questions but why not go out with you and see if he actually likes you first?

Also people slagging off his language skills.... how many other languages do you speak?

I agree that he is telling you what he thinks women want to hear

Run for the hills. Change gyms

I once went on a date with an Iranian man. He was similarly forward, laying out what he wanted straight away. Maybe it's a cultural thing? It wasn't actually that which out me off him, he was a really nice bloke but he had manky, dirty fingernails and worked in a kitchen 🤢 There was no second date...

I would see that as he wants a woman to bear his children.

However I’ve worked with many young lads who chatted away like I’m not there and the consensus was that if you had children already you were an easy target or best bet.

Maybe he did want unprotected sex but I’d put this down to you being ‘manageable’ as you wanted another child.

What if he thought his questions would make OP excited (horny)? In some cultures men can talk straightforward without meaning anything serious. All they want is a shag.

I’ve worked with many young lads who chatted away like I’m not there and the consensus was that if you had children already you were an easy target or best bet

Jesus. How on earth do they reach that conclusion? If anything, I'm fussier and less unobtainable because of having children

Pre-children, I may have ignored alot of red flags for the sake of having a good time.

Not these days.

Wonder what his visa status is - running a business doesn't necessarily mean anything.

If it's secure my thoughts would be that it's a line.

I've seen guys on fitness forums do lines on multiple women, often posting the replies/results.

He may not be doing that (because the lines are more suggestive on average) but it does sound like a line. Some guys who think women will fall for the "I want something special & serious blah blah, I want a family" will.do this.

I wish I was with you now - does also sound like a heavy hint to come over to yours or whatever.

Your instincts/reservations seem to be right on it.

Weird, but I don't think looking for a quick shag, that doesn't make sense to me.

Sounds like an absolute weirdo !! And o wouldn’t even entertain someone like that, especially when you have two kids to keep safe.

It’s xenophobia at the very least these comments about him being an immigrant and visas.

No, it's not.

It's a valid concern.

I have a female relative who was used in what she thought was a genuine relationship/marriage for a visa.
I've also had a man try to increase his likelihood of a visa to the UK.

It happens. If especially happens among folks from countries they perceive as lacking opportunities, stability & social welfare towards those they perceive as the opposite.

Sounds like he wants a serious relationship and wanted to know if you were open to a relationship or not IF you got on... like he said ...

He would probably like to settle down and start family so is trying to be honest and weed out any time wasters. People talking about wanting a Visa etc, your comments are disgusting, although I would agree cultural differences may come in to play.

@GilbertMarkham

It’s xenophobia at the very least these comments about him being an immigrant and visas.

No, it's not.

It's a valid concern.

I have a female relative who was used in what she thought was a genuine relationship/marriage for a visa.
I've also had a man try to increase his likelihood of a visa to the UK.

It happens. If especially happens among folks from countries they perceive as lacking opportunities, stability & social welfare towards those they perceive as the opposite.

Yes it is because it is so rare. If your female relative had been abused by an immigrant man, would you then post that if you date an immigrant man he’s likely to be a violent and abusive?

A few people that rarely do this don’t justify all these comments on this thread that imply its commonplace for immigrants to only date citizen women (or men) in order to get visas.

WTF!? What a bunch of conclusion jumping xenophobic arseholes can there be on one single thread?
How very indecent to think that someone might have ulterior motives just because English is not their first language. Truly unacceptable.
He might be after a shag, not a visa! How the fuck have some of you made such an unpleasant leap?

I read that as he wants to settle down and have children and when you joked about it perhaps being in ten years, he didn’t see much point in persevering?
Still far too intense and full on!

Way too full on but others have said I'd just read into it that he's looking for more than a ons.

The first question I could live with, but think I'd have been sent running by him asking whether I wanted more kids before we'd even had a date (or several).